


(no one else can fix me) Only You

by 16Sydd16



Series: Only You [1]
Category: Little Mix (Band)
Genre: Break Up, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2019-09-18 01:33:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 59,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16985610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/16Sydd16/pseuds/16Sydd16
Summary: Perrie's there for her best friend post-breakup, in more ways than one. Just a cute little Pesy story for my favorite ship.





	1. I'm Broken Here Tonight

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all! So, I've been a massive Little Mix fan since 2016 (I know, a little late in the game. In my defense, I'm American. The girls get disgustingly little promotion over here), and I never thought I'd write LM fanfic, but here we are. I love all the girls, but Pesy has been my fav ship as of late, so I thought I'd show them a little love. Also, there's not a ton of Pesy fan fiction out there, so I figured, why not?  
> This is unbeta'd, as I literally wrote it over the last couple hours and decided to upload. So, I'm sorry:/ I spell-checked at least, so that's gotta count for something!:)  
> Disclaimer: I have no affiliation with Little Mix, and this is just a story. I'm using the girls as characters, and I in no way intend to be disrespectful. I love them lots, and just wanted to write a little story.  
> Also, we're pretending that Alex and Harry don't exist. Cool?  
> Please enjoy, and let me know what you think!  
> -Sydd

    “Pez, are you here?”

    “Just a minute, Jes!” I yell. A quick glance at the clock lets me know that, for once, Jesy’s early. I’m barely dressed, as I was banking on her being at least a half an hour late. 

    There’s a quick knock on my door. “You decent?”

    I laugh. “Since when has that ever mattered to you?”

    “Guess you’re right,” She says, opening the door. To my surprise, she’s in holey jeans and and an old black top that boasts about the “best tea in Romford.” 

    “Is that what you’re wearing?” I ask, perhaps a little too harshly. 

    She gives me a look. 

    “I mean, not that you don’t look great. You could wear a bin bag and still be stunning, but this isn’t your usual going out look.” 

    “That’s cause I’m not going out.” She says, plopping down on my bed. 

    “What do you mean you’re not going out? It’s your boyfriend’s birthday! You’ve been planning this outfit for 2 months!” 

    “It’s  _ Chris’s _ birthday. He ain’t my boyfriend anymore.” 

    “Aw, babe,” I say, wrapping my arms around her. She leans her head on me a moment. I know she’ll tell me when she’s ready, but I can’t help but ask. I don’t like the quiet. 

    “Are you alright?”

    “Yeah, I think so.” She says, leaning into me more fully. “He was just a bit of fun anyway, you know? I think I was just… tired of being alone.” 

    “I understand,” I tell her. And boy, do I. After my last disaster of a relationship, it’s been a long line of boys who are pretty enough to look at, but nothing special, really. Something’s just...missing. I feel like Jes is the only one of the girls who can really understand. An ex-boyfriend is one thing, but an ex fiancee? It’s a little messier. 

    “I just… I don’t know. I don’t want to go back to Jake, but I do want-”

    “What you had.” I finish for her. “Yeah, I get it babe. It’s nice to know you’re in love.”

    “Innit? I just miss that feeling.”

    I hug her tight a minute more, but she seems to be done speaking. 

    “Well, how ‘bout this: We find a movie, eat loads of terrible, terrible things, and get so piss drunk that you forget your own birthday, let alone his.”

    She laughs. “Sounds like a plan to me.” 

    Within 20 minutes, I’m back in my PJs and we’ve placed a £45 order to dominoes. Another 20, and we’re halfway through a bottle of tequila Jesy found in the freezer. We were meant to watch the new Kate Hudson film, but when we turned on the telly Legally Blonde was already playing. We’re at the part where Elle’s throwing chocolate at the TV when the doorbell rings. 

    “You expecting someone?” Jesy asks. 

    “Just the dominoes man,” I say, confused.

    “Oh, I forgot. Whoops.”

    “You forgot? How? Aren’t you starved?”

    “Well yeah, but the tequila made me forget for a minute.”

    “It  _ is _ tequila. Perhaps next time you’ll let me choose the booze?”

    “No, cause you’ll pick wine. I don’t like wine. Plus, tequila’s an antidepressant. Jade told me once.”

    “I don’t think-”

    The doorbell rings again. 

    “Coming!” I yell, leaving my drunk best friend on the couch. I quickly apologize for the delay before tipping the delivery man the bill. He thanks me profusely before hurrying back to his slightly damp car. I had no idea it’d begun to rain. Then again, I haven’t left the house all day. And it is London, so I’m not sure what I expected. 

    Jesy’s right where I left her on the couch. I drop the boxes full of garlicky goodness on the coffee table before grabbing two waters from the fridge. Jesy’s already into the cheese bread by the time I get back.”

    “Oi, save some for me!” 

    “Pezza, we ordered 3. It’ll be alright. What are those?”

    “Water. I want to be drunk, not dead.”

    “Amatuer,” Jesy says with a laugh, snuggling into my side as I plop onto the couch. 

    The movie’s just as good as I always remember it being. We’re nearly to Elle’s cross examination of Chutney when I catch sight of her poodle-like hair. I’m about to ask Jesy why anyone ever thought perms were a good idea when I hear a little sniffle. She’s got the blanket up clear to her nose, but I can still see the little tear tracks down her cheeks.

    “Oh, Jes,” I say softly. Once she realizes she’s been caught, she doesn’t bother trying to hide it anymore. She buries her head in my neck, whimpering softly. I can’t explain it, but hearing Jesy cry hurts me in a way that nothing else can. I hate feeling helpless, but I am utterly so in this moment. I hum softly, planting kisses to the crown of her head now and again, wanting to let her know I’m here but not knowing what to say. 

    The credits are rolling before she peeks up at me, puffy-eyed.

     “Do you wanna talk about it?” I whisper. “Might help.”

     “I don’t know. I just- I just want to find someone who loves me, for me, as I am. Is that too much to ask?”

    “Course not, babe. I don’t know how anyone could help but love you. You’re kind, and generous, and beautiful, and you’ve got a great bum.” I tell her.

    She laughs. “Wow, thanks. I don’t think a nice ass is enough to make up for the rest, though.”

    “What ‘rest’? Far as I’m concerned, you’re perfect.”

    “Oh, sod off. I’m too loud, I always say the wrong thing-”

    “I quite like that about you.” I interject. 

    “Yeah, well, you’re the only one.”

    “That’s not true.” I say. Jesy doesn’t respond, but I can tell she doesn’t believe me. 

    “Do you want more to drink?” I ask. 

    She laughs. “I guess.” 

    We finish off the Tequila, as well as a bit of malibu we find in the cupboard, trading rude stories in between swigs straight from the bottle.

    “-and he wanted me to call him  _ dad _ . Not even  _ daddy _ , just  _ dad _ .”

    I spit out me drink. “That’s too much! I can’t- I mean, what kind of-”

    “I don’t know, Pezza, I don’t know. Needless to say, nothing else happened that night. I faked an emergency text and got outta there.”

    I can’t stop laughing. “Dad. Ha!” 

    “I know! That’s why I need to find a nice girl, settle down.”

    “Girl?” I say, a little shocked. I feel a little funny on the inside, but can’t reckon why. Tomorrow morning, I’ll convince myself it was the alcohol.

    “Did I say girl?” Jesy laughs, maybe a little nervously. “I must be right drunk, then.”

    “You know, if it was a girl, I’d support ya, right? And I know Leigh and Jade would too.”

    “Thanks, babe, really. But it was just a slip of the tongue.”

    “Alright,” I say, before telling Jes about the time I let me mam set me up with her friend’s son. She forgot to tell me he was only 19. He’d barely had a first kiss. 

    We sit a bit longer, chatting about everything and nothing, deciding to finally head to bed when I go to have a sip of the Malibu and it’s empty. 

    We grab onto each other for support, but neither of us is much help to the other because we’re both so pissed. After stubbing my toe on the coffee table and nearly falling twice, Jes and I eventually make it to my room. I try to sit on my bed, but forget to let go of Jesy’s hand, and end up pulling her down on top of me. 

    “Sneaky little minx,” Jesy laughs. “Are you trying to seduce me?”

    “You know it,” I say, attempting a wink. I think it comes out more like a blink. Jes gives a laugh and rolls off of me, crawling over to the right side of the bed. I make my way over to the left. 

    I’m nearly asleep when Jesy asks me a question that jars me awake.

    “Perrie?”

    “Hmm?”

    “Have you ever kissed a girl?”

    “No. Well, unless you count Leigh-Anne.” I laugh. 

    “When did you kiss Leigh-Anne?” Jesy asks, looking at me incredulously.

    “Well, she kissed me. Right after we won X-Factor. She tried to hit my cheek and missed.”

    Jesy laughs loudly. “Sounds like Leigh.” She pauses a minute. “No one else, though?”

    “There was one girl. But it was just a game of spin the bottle in year 11. Why, have you?”

    “No. But I’ve always wondered. Does it feel different to kissing a boy?”

    “I don’t know. I suppose it’s a little different kissing every new person, right? No one’s really made an impression with me, boy or girl, except what’s his face.” 

    “Maybe I’ll have to give it a shot one day- kissing a girl, I mean. Just to see.”

    “Yous could kiss me right now if you wanted to.” 

    Jesy looks at me, trying to figure out if I’m taking the mic. I’m not sure why I’ve said it. I don’t remember thinking it, it just sort of came out my mouth. 

    “Alright,” She says, surprising us both. “What’s a little snog between mates, anyway?”

    “It’s just a bit of fun.” I agree, already leaning in. 

    I’m not sure what I was expecting, but it definitely wasn’t this. 

    The moment our lips meet, it’s like an explosion. There’s no slow start, no build up, only teeth tugging lips and tongues in mouths and hands going lower, and  _ lower.  _ I’ve got both hands on Jesy’s arse, pulling her to me, when I pull a little too hard and we end up on the floor. We look at each other, shocked for a moment, before we bust up laughing. I’m near tears, because the whole situation is so ridiculous. By the time we manage to regain our breath, we’ve both got tears down our cheeks from crying with laughter. I’m not sure what to say, because what do you say after you’ve drunkenly made out with your most likely entirely straight female best friend?

    So, I just look at her. 

    Big mistake. She’s beautiful, even with a bare face and messy hair. It’s red, my favorite color it’s ever been, and she’s wearing it in its natural form, a slightly frizzy wave that hangs down past her waist. I’ve always thought she was pretty, but the way she looks tonight is something else. Or maybe it’s not so much that she looks different, but that I’m seeing her differently. The shit ton of alcohol I’ve consumed isn’t helping me sort out any of these feelings, so I decide to ignore them until morning, when I can think more clearly. 

    Jes seems to have reached a similar conclusion, rising to unsteady feet before offering me a hand. I take it, slowy, looking down at the floor to avoid looking Jesy in the eye, so that I don’t do something stupid like kiss her again. 

    Because I really, really want to. 

    “How’ve you still got your shoes on?” I ask, genuinely curious.

    “Have I?” She asks, looking at her feet. “I’m not sure.” She says with a laugh, toeing off her vans, before shucking her socks, and after, her jeans. I look only at her face, not wanting to get caught staring. 

    “Ready for bed?” She asks, a knowing smile on her face. 

    I nod the affirmative, pulling off my leggings before hopping onto the bed. I don’t land quite where I planned, which surprises me more than it should considering how hammered I am. I crawl over to the pillows on the left side once again, with Jesy crawling over to the right. I’m suddenly all too aware of where she is, and I don’t know what to do about it. We’re usually pretty cuddly, but we usually haven’t made out before we hop in bed together. Jesy doesn’t seem weirded out by what’s happened, so maybe I shouldn’t be either. I’m not sure I can help it. I’m so lost in thought that I don’t notice Jesy’s icy cold toes creeping toward me until they’ve wedged their way in between my unsuspecting thighs.

    “Eep! Bit cold there, Jesminda!”

    “Sorry ‘bout it.” She says in that funny little accent. 

    “Why can’t you just put on socks like a normal human?”

    “Pez,” She whines, “You know I can’t sleep in socks. I just feel too constricted.”

    “So you’re gonna freeze me out instead, eh? Some friend you are.” I say grumpily, though I don’t mean it. I can’t see her roll her eyes, but knowing her as long as I ‘ave, I know she must’ve.

    “Fine, maybe I’ll just go sleep in the guest room.”

    “The dogs are in there.” I tell her. 

    “I’m sure they’ll have no problem keeping me warm.”

    “You don’t like them,” I remind her. 

    “I’m not sure what I like anymore,” She mumbles, avoiding my eyes.

    “What was that?” I ask, wanting to see if she’ll say it again. 

    “Guess I’ll have to stay ‘ere, then.” She grumbles, but smiles. 

    “Yay!” I say, snuggling closer to her. 

    Nose to nose, hand in hand, and with her freezing feet tucked between my calves, we fall asleep. 

  
  



	2. Following the sun (to be alone with everyone)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Perrie and Jesy wake up the morning after their drunken night in and hang out with the girls. Cuteness ensues. General friendship. Honestly, it's just a feel-good chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so here's the part 2 that nobody asked for but I wrote anyway! It was finals week and turns out this is an excellent way to procrastinate!:) Enjoy!:)

    The next morning, I awaken to a mumble of “Dear God,” right next to my ear.

    “Jesy, too loud,” I groan. 

    We lie silently for a few more minutes, but once it becomes apparent that neither of us is falling back asleep, we give up. 

    “I don’t think I’ve ever had that much to drink in my life,” I grumble. 

    “I have, but it’s been  _ years _ ,” Jesy says, bringing her hands up to her temples. “I’m not sure how I kept from throwing up, to be honest.”

    “The water,” I say.

    “Sure,” Jesy replies. We both know it’s just dumb luck that neither of us is curled up on the bathroom floor right now. 

    “I’m never gonna drink again.” 

    “I don’t believe you,” Jesy says, attempting to sit up. She has to pause to keep from being ill three separate times, but she eventually arrives in a sitting position. 

    “I need pedialyte and a beer.” 

    “That whole beer the morning after thing only works if you drank beer the night before.”

    “Says you,” Jesy snaps at me. 

    I’m about to snap back when someone rings the doorbell.

    “Shite,” I whisper, grabbing my temples. Neither of us makes a move to answer the door. I suppose I should, since it is my house, but I’m in no condition for company. The bell doesn’t ring again, but I hear the door open. 

    “Perrie?” Jade calls. I can hear her making her way through the house, and I know she’ll be upon us soon enough. 

    “Pez?” She says, slowly opening my door. “Can I come in?”

    “Course you can,” Jesy answers. 

    “Jesy?” Jade asks, opening the door. “What are you doing here? Figured you’d be with the boyf, seeing as it was ‘is birthday and all.”

    “Well, turns out me and ‘the boyf’ are no more,” She says by way of explanation.

    “Aw, are you alright?” She asks, sitting on the bed to give Jes a hug.

    “Yeah, I think so. Might be the booze talking, though.”

    “We drank everything last night.” I tell Jade. 

    “Everything?” she asks, amused. 

    “All the liquor. We started with tequila, and then malibu, I think? I can’t really remember,” Jesy explains. 

    “You lot had quite the night then, eh?” Jade asks. 

    “You’ve got no idea.” I mutter. 

    Jade gives me a little look, but says nothing. 

    “Well, I was gonna ask ya, Perrie, if you still wanted to get lunch today-”

    “I still want to eat,” I assure her, “But I don’t want to leave the house. 

    “Fair enough. Shall I call Leigh, and we can just have a girly day in?” Jade asks. 

    “Sounds lovely,” I say. “Jess?”

    “I’m down. I do wanna shower first, though.” 

    “You know where it is. Should be towels in the cupboard.”

    “Thanks, babe.”

    “Yep.” 

    Once Jade hears the shower turn on, she starts badgering me.

    “What happened with Chris? Is Jesy alright? Also, What the hell happened last night? Did something happen between-”

    “Slow down, Jadey. It’s early,” I plead. 

    “It’s 11am,” Jade says, but backs off a bit. 

    “I’m not sure exactly what happened between them, but Jesy and Chris are definitely done. I think she’s okay. She had a little cry last night, but I don’t think the breakup is hitting her too hard. She knew he wasn’t the one, you know? Just a bit of fun. As for last night… last night was a weird one.”

    “Well, that’s not mysterious at all. ‘A weird one.’ What kind of descriptor is that?” 

    “I don’t know, Jade. Please, can we just talk about it later? I need a drink, feel like I swallowed loads of sand.”

    “I’ll put the kettle on and grab some aspirin,” Jade says dismissively. 

    “Thank you, baba.” 

    Once jade leaves, I figure I should probably change my clothes and wash my face. Gotta face the day at some point, right? I’d like a shower, but Jesy’s in mine, and I’m not sure how to feel about Jesy at the minute. I’m not sure if I’ll be disappointed or relieved if she doesn’t remember what we did last night. I don’t know how she couldn’t, but she didn’t say anything about this morning, and I don’t exactly know how to bring it up. I don’t really want to bring it up with Jade and Leigh here either, and I need to figure out how to act normal, because if I’m not, them two will suss it out right away. 

    I shake my head in an attempt to clear my thoughts, and focus on getting dressed. I throw on some clean leggings and a sports bra, and tie a jumper around my waist, cause I’m sure I’ll get cold at some point or another, before making my way to the bathroom. I debate using the guest one, but my cleanser is in mine. Plus, if I used the guest one, Jade would KNOW something happened. Normally, I wouldn’t hesitate to wash my face 5 feet away from a showering Jesy, cause we’re all girls and we’re best friends and it wouldn’t be weird, but last night has me proper shook. I decide to man up and do it anyway, because nothing’s really changed, right? 

    I knock, listening for Jesy’s “Come in.” before opening the door and entering. 

    “Just need to wash my face.” I say unnecessarily. I could be coming in for a chat, and Jes wouldn’t care. I need to get a grip. 

    “You might brush your teeth while your at it. Your morning breath is bad, babe.”

    “Well, yours doesn’t exactly smell like fresh-baked cookies.” I retort. 

    “How would you know? Have you suddenly developed a sense of smell?” 

    “Dammit, I didn’t think about that,” I laugh. “I can just tell it doesn’t okay?”

    “Whatever,” She says, and I can hear the smile in her voice. 

    After a few moments, she says, “Hey, which one is the shampoo? Black or white?”

    “White. Can you not read it?”

    “It’s in French.” 

    “Turn it over.”

    I hear a quiet “oh” before the popping noise the cap always makes when you open it. 

    “Thanks.” 

    “No problem, babe,” I reply. “Is there toothpaste in there?” 

    “Yeah, sorry. I grabbed it on my way in.” She says. 

    “That’s alright. Just hand it out to me, will ya?”

    She doesn’t respond, but moments later a tattooed arm reaches out from behind the curtain, shiny red tube in hand.

    “Thanks,” I say. I quickly brush my teeth. I’m just about to open the door when Jesy calls out to me.

    “Pez?”

    “Yes?” I ask, turning around. She’s stuck her head out from behind the curtain, soapy hair and all, and I can’t help but smile. 

    “We’re alright, aren’t we?” She asks, looking almost nervous. Jesy hardly ever gets nervous, let alone looks it. 

    “Course we are,” I reassure her. “Is this about…”

    “Last night? Yeah, I suppose it is.”

    “Do you want to- to talk about it?” I ask, quite nervous myself. 

    “Later? When I’m not naked, maybe?” She asks. 

    I laugh. “Sure, sure. Hang round after Leigh and Jade leave?”

    “Of course,” She answers with a smile, before ducking her head back into the shower. “Oh, and Pez?”

    “Yes, Jes?” 

    “Can I borrow some clothes? My shirt smells like cheese and tequila.”

    I laugh. “Yeah, whatever you want. Just go through my closet when you’re done.”

    “Thanks, Pezza.”

    “No worries, babe. Now, I’m gonna join Jade for a cuppa. Want me to make you one?”

    “Please. And don’t let anyone put salt in it this time!”

    “No promises!” I say, running out the room. 

    “Perrie!” She yells, but I just laugh, shutting the door behind me. 

    When I get to the kitchen, I find Jade chatting with a sleepy-looking Leigh at the table. 

    “Morning, Leigh!”

    “Morning, Perrie. How’s Jesy?” She asks, concerned. Leigh is definitely the kindest of us. 

    “She’s alright, I think. Hungover, but alright.”

    “That’s good. It was good of you to stay in with her last night. I know you were looking forward to the party. And the boys,” she says with a smirk.

    “Eh, there’ll be other parties. Legally Blonde was on TV anyway, so it was worth staying in.”

    “Legally Blonde is  _ always  _ on the telly,” Jade says. “I don’t think they ever stop playing it.”

    “Doesn’t mean I enjoyed it any less.” I reply. 

    “Fair enough.” Jade says. “Did you and Jesy get up to anything else last night?”

    “Not really. We drank way too much and spent a small fortune on Dominoes, but-”

    “Without me?” Cries Leigh. “I love Dominoes!” 

    “I think there’s still some on the coffee table, if you love it that much.”

    Leigh’s nose wrinkles at the thought. “I think I’ll just stick to my cuppa.”

    “Wise choice,” says Jade. 

    We continue to chat about this and that, talk about going into the studio together next week, about Leigh’s mandam, then Jade’s. We’re just moving on to my very man-less life when Jesy walks in, saving me from Jade’s sneaky questions and Leigh’s genuine concern. 

    “Jes!” Leigh yells, running over to hug her. 

    “Not so loud, babe. I’m still a bit hungover.”

    “Sorry,” Leigh says, attempting a whisper but failing. “Are you alright?”

    “Yeah, I’m okay,” Jesy says. “Pez got me all fixed up last night.”

    “She’s a good’n, our Pezza,” Leigh says, and the others nod their heads.

    I look down, perpetually a little uncomfortable with being complemented, when I notice that Jesy’s not wearing any trousers. 

    I look up at her, only to see that she’s staring at me. I’m not sure what to make about all this, but I don’t get much time to think about it, seeing as the kettle goes off.

    “Bloody hell.” Jesy mumbles, the screeching surely hurting her head as much as it is mine. 

    Jade pulls the kettle off the stove, then goes about grabbing four mugs from the cupboard. 

I grab the milk while Jes grabs the sugar, and leigh anne grabs something from her purse. 

    “Just to take the edge off of your hangover,” She says, setting a small flask on the table. 

    “Bless you.” Jesy and I say in unison, which causes us all to giggle. 

    After we’ve prepared our tea, we make our way to the living room, cuddling up on the couch. Jes is in the middle, with Leigh and Jade on one side and me on the other. We turn on the TV, but it just becomes background noise. We’re sat there having a chinwag when the doorbell rings.

    “Has someone ordered something?” Jesy asks. The three of us shake our heads. I get up to open the door- it is my house, after all- and I’m more surprised than I should be to see Chris on the other side. Didn’t figure he was the type to chase after a girl, but then again, you’d have to be an idiot to not chase after Jesy. 

    “What are you doing here?” Jesy says from over my shoulder. 

    “Your mum said you’d be here,” He says, looking past me entirely.

    “Doesn’t answer my question,” Jesy says coldly. 

    “Look, I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I should’ve told you about it earlier, but we were in early days when it happened, and I just. I didn’t know how to tell you.” 

    “There’s no way you could’ve told me that would’ve ended well for you,” She says honestly. “But that shouldn’t have kept you from telling me all this time! Especially since the two of you are still thick as thieves.” 

    “Amber’s just a friend.” He says defensively. 

    “Do you sleep with all of your friends from time to time? Cause these have been my friends for years, and yet, we’ve never.”

    “Wait, did he sleep with someone else?” Leigh asks, ready to come to Jesy’s defense. 

    “Yep. That’s exactly what he did.” Jesy tells us.

    “That’s a big mistake you’ve made, Chris. Perhaps you should leave.” Says Jade. 

   “Please, Jesy, just-”

    “Get out.” I hear myself say coldly. Everyone turns to look at me. “You’re not welcome here, Christopher. Get off me porch and away from my best friend.”

    Chris looks at Jesy, pleading, as if she’s gonna save him. Apparently, he doesn’t know Jesy as well as he thinks. 

    “You heard her.” Jesy says with a shrug. “Best be on your way.”

    Dejected, Chris backs away from the door with his hands up. 

    I slam it. 

    “Easy there, Pez.” Jade says, giving me a pat on the back.

_ Thank you _ , Jesy mouths. I give her a quick nod. 

    “Well, that was exciting,” Jade says. 

    “Never a dull moment,” Leigh agrees. 

    The conversation lulls, none of us really wanting to ask anything and Jesy not offering up any answers.

    “So he got with his friend?” I ask gently, a couple minutes later.

    “Yeah, he did. He dated her before me, and now that we’re done, I imagine he’ll go back to her.”

    “What an arse,” Jade says. 

    “Yeah, what a jerk. No one should be treated as a placeholder Jes, I’m sorry.” Says Leigh.

    “I don’t really feel sad about it,” Jesy admits. “I mean, I didn’t sleep with someone else, cause I’m not a manslut, but we weren’t ever more than casually dating, anyway. We were exclusive, but he was just someone to pass the time with.”

    “Still, he should’ve been faithful. You want me to slash his tires?” Leigh asks.

    “I reckon I could beat him up,” I offer. 

    “Or, we could hack his social media and post his credit card information?” Jade asks. 

    We all just kind of look at her, mostly impressed but maybe a little nervous.

    “That won’t be necessary, babes, but thanks for the offer,” Jesy replies. “I think I’d just like to forget he ever existed, and move on.” 

    “We can do that.” Jade says. Leigh and I nod in agreement. 

    “Alright, so what would you like to do?” I ask. “We could do facemasks, or paint each others nails, or watch a movie…”

    “I don’t really care,” Jesy says. “Long as I’m with you lot.”

    We all hug her tight, having our soppy little moment. 

    We quickly decide that we’ll put on the movie, and paint our nails and do masks during it. It’s not like the four of us could stop talking long enough to get through a whole movie, anyway, so may as well just do our nails too. 

    “I’m doing Jesy’s!” I yell, claiming her. Jesy’s got the best kept nails of the four of us, so hers are the easiest to paint. 

    “Fine.” Grumbles Jade. 

     “Pezza, where’s the polish?” Leigh asks. 

    “I’ll go and get it!” I say. It takes me a couple minutes to find it, digging through the drawers in my bathroom, but eventually I’ve located ten or so colors and decide that those’ll have to be enough. The girls are cackling about something when I get back, and it makes me smile. There’s nothing better than seeing the people you love happy, is there?

    “What’s so funny?” I ask, sitting next to Jesy. 

    “Lee Lee nearly just fell down the steps trying to out-freestyle Jade.” She says between bouts of laughter. 

    I’m nearly crying at the mental image alone, knowing how ridiculous those two get, when Leigh smacks her foot on the coffee table and swears loudly, sending the lot of us into another bout of laughter. 

    After we’ve managed to calm down enough to speak, we settle on the first Pitch Perfect movie and get to work on each other’s nails. I let Jes paint mine first, as they’ll go a lot quicker than hers. I’m never more adventurous than a single solid color, as I’ll have picked all the polish off within a couple of days. Jes settles on painting them a light lavender, with a plummy color on the 4th nail to add a little something extra. 

    I’m so focused on Leigh’s story about her run in with a pap a couple days ago that I don’t noticed Jesy’s finished until she starts blowing on my nails. 

    “So they’ll dry faster,” She says, blowing gently. She’s all I can focus on, suddenly. Watching her pull my hand up to her mouth, almost touching my fingers to her lips, before lowering it to do the same as the other. 

    She doesn’t let go of either hand until they’ve long dried. 

    As soon as she does, I wish she hadn’t. Luckily, now it’s my turn to paint her nails. I snatch her right hand quickly, telling her I have big things planned. She laughs. 

    “Go for it, Pez. Whatever you want.” 

    I decide to use the same colors Jesy used on me, but in reverse. Maybe little criss-crossed lines or something, for the pattern. I start with the plum, suddenly fixated by Jesy’s fingers. She’s got her little tattoos, the “amor” still clear but fading, the E & the J on either side. I’ve never noticed how short her fingers are before. She always has such big nails that her fingers look long, but now, with her hand resting in my own, I can see how little they really are. 

    “You’ve got such cute little fingers,” I say softly. 

    “They’re quite stubby, ain’t they?” She asks, leaning her forehead on mine. 

    “They’re lovely,” I assure her, rubbing over each one gently. 

    “Ah, Pez?” Jade asks. Jes and I straighten up rather quickly.

    “Yes?” I ask, not wanting to look suspicious. 

    “Have you got any remover? Leigh’s had a bit of a mishap with my thumb.”

    “Only cause you moved it!” Leigh insists. 

    “Yeah, there should be some acetone in my bathroom. Top drawer, maybe?” I answer. 

    “I’ll run and get it,” says Leigh, quickly getting to her feet and rushing off. 

    “That girl,” Jade mumbles, checking her phone. 

    Jes and I just smile at each other, our faces a little closer than I’d realised. I should probably back away, but I can’t help it. I just want to look at her and never stop looking at her. She gives me a little wink, and I think my heart melts right there. I give a little giggle, and she just smiles bigger. Leigh Anne’s clunky footsteps thumping back into the room break us out of our little moment. I chance a look over Jesy’s shoulder to see Jade staring at us, but she just gives me a little smile and looks away. I don’t know exactly what she suspects, but she’s definitely thinking something. 

    I finally get to painting Jesy’s nails, settling on little purple criss-crosses with an uneven cross on her fourth finger. I take the time to blow on her nails just like she did mine, holding her hands in mine for far longer than is necessary. 

    By now, we’re all quite hungry, so Leigh volunteers to go in the kitchen and whip a little something up. We all follow, offering help when we can, but Leigh definitely does the heavy lifting. By the time a half an hour’s passed, she’s nearly finished making chicken fettuccine, and I’m working on a salad. Jes and Jade have taken up residence on the counter, picking at this and that, laughing when Leigh yells at them. The picking stops when Leigh mentions we need something to drink, and Jade and Jes make their way to the wine fridge to pick something out.

    “I thought you didn’t like wine?” I ask Jes accusingly. 

    “I don’t really, but what else are you supposed to drink with pasta?”

    “Fair enough.” I say. 

    “Plus, I’m pretty sure we drank all the good stuff last night.” She reminds me.

    “You’re probably right. I haven’t bought anything besides wine in a while. Tequila’s not exactly great to drink at home alone.”

    “Good thing you weren’t alone then, eh?” Jesy reminds me.

    “Or maybe bad thing,” Jade says with a laugh. “I’ve never seen Pez that hungover.”

   “I felt like I was dyin’ this morning.” I admit. 

    Jesy laughs. “You and me both, ba-”

    “Food’s done!” Leigh interrupts. 

    The food is delicious, and we tell Leigh as much. After dinner, Jade can’t keep her eyes off her phone. Apparently, I’m not the only one who notices.

    “How’s your sexting going, Jadey?” Jesy asks with a laugh. 

    Jade just looks at Jesy, unamused. 

    “I’m not sexting. Jed and I just have plans later tonight and he was asking me if I was still planning on coming. He thought I was just going for lunch, after all.”

    “Follow your heart, babes,” Jesy says. “Spend some time with your boyf. You’ll have plenty of time for us lot when we’re stuck in America next month.”

    “Yeah?” Jade asks, hopeful.

    “Yeah. Go on.” I say. 

    “Can I leave as well?” Leigh breaks in. 

    Jes and I both look at her. 

    “It’s just, Andre got tickets to this gallery opening and you know how much I love these things and-”

    “Go on, then,” Jesy interrupts sweetly, surprising us all. She’s usually the one to give Leigh the most stick about abandoning us for Andre.

    “Thanks, Jes!” Leigh says, giving her a suffocating hug. “I’ll see you girls next week!” And with that, she’s slipping her shoes on and running out the door. 

    “How long, do you think, until she realizes her keys are on the coffee table?” Jade asks. 

    “4, 3, 2, 1-” Jesy counts. 

    Leigh bursts back through the door. 

    “Have you seen-”

    “On the coffee table, Lee Lee,” I say, not even waiting for her to finish. 

    “Thanks, babe!” She says, pecking my cheek before running out the door. 

    We all have a little laugh before Jade bids us goodnight and calls Jed, who comes and gets her shortly thereafter. 

    That leaves me and Jes. 

    “So…?” I ask, grabbing the back of my neck. 

    “So,” Jesy replies, running a hand through her hair. 

    “Do you want some ice cream? I’ve got a whole pint of mint chocolate chip.”

    “Brilliant,” says Jesy, already on her way to the kitchen. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it just kind of ends, but the chapter was already kind of long and I wanted to put something up today. 
> 
> Not sure if they have pedialyte in the uk, but essentially it's this drink they give to babies to help get their electrolyte count up. It's also said to help with hangovers, because it refreshes your kidneys/liver. Don't now if that's true, but. 
> 
> Come say hi on Tumblr ant 16sydd16. If you're coming on the day this goes up (Dec 19th), feel free to wish me a happy 21st Birthday! Ew. Begging for friends, much? lol
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed the chapter! Lemme know what you think!
> 
> xx  
> Sydd


	3. Lookin' round a crowded room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jes and Pez have a LOT to figure out. Here, they start. This chapter is very cute, if I do say so myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello loves! This chapter is a little long, so I thought about splitting it into 2, but the natural break of the story would've left chapter 3 with like 1200 words and I'm just not about that. So, it's taken me a little time, but here's the longest chapter to date! It's longer than the other two combined. 
> 
> Oh, and it's unbeta'd. Sorry friends:/
> 
> Okay, enough of me talking. See you at the end!

    I grab a couple bowls from the cupboard, and then put them right back when I see Jesy, pint in hand, on her way back to the couch. She has one spoon in her mouth, and the other already in the pint. 

    “I mean, you’ve had my tongue in your mouth at this point,” She mumbles around the spoon. 

    “True,” I agree, making my way over to the couch. 

    We begin to eat our ice cream in relative silence, with only the slight hum of the TV in the background. After 5 or 6 bites, Jesy speaks up. 

    “This doesn’t have to be weird, does it?” 

    “I suppose not,” I answer, though I don’t imagine how it could be anything but. 

    “I mean, I’ve been friends with all the boyfriends I’ve had before I dated them. What makes this so different?” She wonders aloud. 

    “Well,” I say, “We’re not only the best of friends, but bandmates, co-workers, etc. If this goes south, you’ll have to see me and talk about me probably until you die.”

    “What a lovely outlook,” Jesy says, calling me out on my uncharacteristic gloominess. “But, what if we don’t try? Do I just look at you everyday and wonder? Do I get jealous when you date someone new?”

    “I don’t know,” I say, my head in my hands. 

    “We could keep it casual,” Jesy suggests, though she doesn’t look entirely happy about it. 

    “I’m no good at casual.” 

    “I’m really not either,” She says, looking more relaxed. “What do you wanna do then, babe? It’s up to you.”

    “What do you mean “it’s up to me?”’ I ask. 

     “Well,” she says, taking a deep breath, “I’d like to give us a go. In whatever way you’re comfortable. So, it’s up to you.”

    “I’ve never dated a girl,” I remind her. 

    “I’d never even kissed a girl until last night,” she reminds me. 

    I think for a moment, but what good is thinking, really? I always regret it after. 

    “Okay then,” I say decidedly. “Let’s give it a go.”

    “Yeah?” Jesy asks, hopeful. 

    “Yeah,” I say with a smile. “But, we take it slow. And we don’t tell anyone yet. Not even Leigh and Jade.”

    “Alright,” she agrees, “but that last one’s gonna be hard, since we finish the album next week and start promo the week after.”

    “Shit, you’re right. Well, let’s just, not tell them unless they ask.”

    “Jade will ask. And she’ll ask you.” 

    “I know,” I say. “I just want us to have a chance to figure all of this out before we have to explain it to other people, you know?”

    “Yeah, I get that,” she says. “So, we’ll give it a go. We’ll go slow, and we’ll only answer questions when directly asked. Sound good?”

    “Sounds perfect.”

    “Good. Now get over here,” she says, opening her arms. 

    So I do.

    We spend the next little while talking about nothing and flipping through channels until Jesy finds some horror movie she insists we watch.

    “No!” I whine. “I don’t like anything scary!

    “C’mon, Pez. I’ll protect you. Promise.”

    “Jesyyyyyyyyy.”

    “Please? It’s one of my favs,” she begs, pouting. 

    “Fine,” I grumble, unable to say no to that pout. 

    It’s 17 minutes and three jump-scares later that I completely give up on trying to watch the movie. Instead, I just lay my head on Jesy’s shoulder, hoping to fall asleep. Despite how foggy I’ve felt all day, I can’t fall asleep. Jesy seems thoroughly engrossed in the film, but I’m endlessly bored. Maybe I can distract her…

    Jesy and I may have only kissed once before, and very drunkenly at that, but with all of the rudey-dudey things the 4 of us talk about, I know exactly what she likes and what she doesn’t. 

    At the next jump scare, I bury my face in her neck, pretending to be scared. She hugs me tighter a moment, bless her. I start pressing soft kisses to her neck. I hear her intake of breath, feel her tense momentarily, and then continue my slow, lazy kisses one after the other. First lower, closer to her shoulder, her collarbone, before kissing back up the same path. The closer I get to the spot behind her ear, the louder her little contented sounds become. When I suck her earlobe into my mouth, she yelps.

    “Pez!” 

    “Hmm?” I say sweetly, too sweetly, into her ear. “What’s wrong?” I whisper. 

    “I thought the plan was to go slow.”

    “I  _ am _ going slow. So, so slow.” I say.

    “Yeah, but the slower  _ you _ go, the faster  _ I  _ wanna go,” She tells me. 

    “So go.”

    That’s all the permission she needs to capture my lips with her own. I respond immediately, reaching my hands into her hair, pulling her as close as I can. Our kisses are a constant push and pull, one of us trying to speed up while the other is trying to slow down. Eventually, we find a happy medium, kissing slowly but deeply, full of purpose. I sneak my tongue out of my mouth, running it along her full bottom lip before she sucks it into her own mouth. I can’t stop the low moan that leaves my lips, buzzing against Jesy’s. I can feel her smile into the kiss at the effect she’s having on me, and I know I have to up the ante. Our little kiss soon turns into a contest of who can make the other moan loudest, each of us smiling once we think we’ve won, until the other wipes the smile right off our face. I’m winning our little unofficial contest when Jesy pushes on my shoulder gently, but with enough force to give me pause. 

    “Everything alright, babe?” I ask breathily. 

    “Amazing. Wonderful. Perfect, even. Only, we should probably stop,” She says, chest heaving, cheeks red, hair mussed, looking like stopping is the last thing she wants to do. Still, I made her promise we’d go slow, and if she wants to stop, we’ll stop.

    “Okay,” I say, nodding my head. “Okay, we’ll stop.” 

    “Okay,” She parrots. 

    We look at each other awkwardly for a moment, unsure of what exactly to do next, when Jesy gives a little laugh and lays her head on my shoulder. 

    “What’s so funny?” I ask, resting my head on hers. 

    “Nothing. I just, feel kinda weird. In the best way!” She assures me once she notices my concerned look. “I’m very happy. Excited, even. And I want to tell you all about it. But, I don’t need to, cause it’s you. You’re right here with me. You’re the one that’s making me happy. I just, I’m not quite sure what to do,” She rambles.

    “I understand.” I tell her. And I do. Jesy’s always the first one I tell about my relationships, and I know I’m the first to hear about hers. Maybe it’s cause the other two have been loved up awhile, I don’t know, but that’s just how it is. It feels strange having no one to tell. 

    “You can still tell me, you know. If you really want to,” I say. “Open communication and all that.”

    “You know, that’s actually not a bad idea…” Jesy trails off. 

    “Yeah, I know, cause I thought of it. And I only think of good ideas.”

    “Well, I wouldn’t go that far,” Jesy says in an Australian accent. 

    “Hey!” I yell, crossing my arms petulantly.

    “Oh, come on babes. You’re pretty perfect, but there’s a reason Jade and I are usually left to make the big decisions.”

    I want to argue, but she’s right. Leigh Anne and I aren’t as good at putting all the pieces together as Jes and Jade. 

    “Whatever,” I grumble, though I’m not really mad about anything. Jesy just gives a little laugh before pressing a kiss to my temple. 

    We sit a few more minutes, not talking, just soaking up each other’s presence, before Jesy asks the time. 

    “Nearly half eleven, I think,” I say, pushing the guide button on the TV. 

    “11:26. Well done, babe.” Jesy says. “I best be on my way. The car service don’t run-”

    “Past 12. Yeah, I know. You could always stay here, if you want?” I ask meekly, wanting her to say yes but hoping she’ll say no. 

    “I do want, but I better not,” She responds. “We’re supposed to be going slow, remember?”

    “Ugh, why?” I grumble, muffling my words with my hands when I set my head in them. 

    “Hey, your idea.” She reminds me. 

    “Yeah, I know. Go ahead and call the service.” 

    Jesy quickly calls the dispatch and asks for a car to be sent to my address. The man on the other end says something in response, Jesy thanks him, and then hangs up the phone. 

    “He’ll be here in 4 minutes.” She tells me, looking disappointed. 

    “4 minutes? Well, that’s no time at all!” I cry, as if I’ve not spent the last 24+ hours with Jesy. 

    “Yeah, apparently one of your neighbors uses the same service and was just dropped off. The man said there was already a car in the area.”

    In the few minutes we have left, we discuss plans to meet up over the weekend, but quickly realize that we’re both ridiculously busy. The next time we’ll be able to see each other will be next Tuesday, when we go into the studio with Leigh and Jade. 

    “Meet me an hour early?” Jesy asks. 

    “Sure!” I say, knowing it’ll mean cutting out early on my lunch date with my brother, but hoping he’ll understand. “1 o’clock?”

    “1 it is,” Jesy says, before glancing at her buzzing phone in her hand. “I’ve got to go now. My driver’s here.”

    “Alright,” I say begrudgingly. “Text me when you get home, yeah?”

    “Okay,” Jesy says, before leaning in for a quick kiss. I savor the feel of my lips against hers, knowing it’ll be days before I can feel them again. It’s over all too soon, and Jesy leaves with one final peck on the cheek and a quick “love you” shouted over her shoulder. 

    “Love you too!” I say, watching her throw open the door and run to the limo. Jesy’s always worried about getting papped. Even at 11:30 on a lazy friday night, it seems. Surely, there are many more interesting things to photograph than Jesy leaving my house. 

    But I suppose one never knows. 

    Once her car starts to pull away, I shut the door and start getting ready for bed. 

    After a text from Jes to let me know she’s home and safe and  _ Goodnight, Pez _ I fall right to sleep.

  
  


    The weekend is agonizing. It really shouldn’t be- I should be enjoying myself  between running errands, shopping with me mam, and having a night out with my back-home friends before the girls and I set off again. And it’s enjoyable, for the most part, but the moment I’m not actively engaged in something, my thoughts wander to Jesy. Thinking back, I don’t know how we’ve stayed “just friends” so long. Trying desperately to convince yourself you’re entirely straight sets you back a bit, doesn’t it? I’ve always thought Jesy was gorgeous, from the moment I saw her ducking her head to get into the car for bootcamp. She had these big curls, a funny laugh, and was so much her own person even then. As a nervous 17 year old, I just chalked it up to admiration, maybe even a bit of jealousy, at the time. Over the years, I just thought what I felt for her was normal, cause we were good friends. 

    Being a girl is quite hard, I’ve decided. 

    We’re so touchy-feely with one another anyway, and the 4 of us spend so much time together, even living together for months on end, that none of us keep anything secret from the others. Nothing. I’m a little aggravated at myself that I let me get in my own way for so long. I just can’t underst-

    “Perrie, y’alright?” Ellie asks, interrupting my internal monologue. She drug me out here tonight, what with it being my last free Sunday for the foreseeable future. I’d hoped she wouldn’t notice I was a bit off, but here we are.

    “Yeah, just a bit… distracted, I suppose.”

    “Ooo. Good distracted or bad distracted?”

    “Good, Ellie. Good distracted,” I say with a smile. 

    “Do you want to talk about it?” She asks. I’m a little shocked. Usually, she just pesters me until she gets the information she’s looking for. 

    “I don’t know.”

    “Alright well, if you wanna talk, I’m ‘ere.”

    “You’re not gonna badger me about it?” I ask. 

    “Nah, not today. I figure whatever- or  _ whoever _ \- it is must really have you thinking, cause I called your name 4 times before you responded. Everyone else is already on the dancefloor.”

    “I’m sorry, Ellie. I’m just… a bit confused today, is all.”

    She looks at me, nodding, waiting for me to continue.

    “It’s just. Hmm. Well, I’ve started seeing someone. Sort of. And we’ve been friends for quite a long time, and this friends to relationship thing just seems way too easy. I’m kicking myself for not going after ‘er sooner.”

    “Her?” Ellie asks, surprised. 

    “Did I say her? I meant him,” I bumble, trying to cover. 

    “You know it doesn’t matter to me, right Pezza?” She says kindly. “You could be dating an ogre, and long as you were happy, I’d support you.” 

    “Thank you, Ellie.” I say with a laugh, leaning in to hug her. She squeezes me tight. “I think I’m done talking for now. Is that alright?”

    “Course it is.” She replies, grabbing my hand. “Now, lets go dance!” 

    I try and get lost in the music, I really do, but I still can’t quit thinking about Jes. Someone orders shots, and I take one, only to realize it’s tequila. I take it as a sign from God that it’s time to text her, just see how she’s doing. I’d avoided it thus far, cause she’s with her family and I didn’t wanna bother her, but I can’t take it anymore. 

_ I miss you _ , I type out, hitting send before I can think better of it. Probably should’ve started with  _ hey  _ or  _ how are ya _ or literally anything else than what I did. As I’m sitting there thinking of the ways I’ll announce my departure from the band once Jesy realizes what a clingy freak I am, my phone dings.

_ Miss you too, Babe. Ring me later? _

_ Of course, _ I reply immediately.  _ Half eleven sound okay? _

_ Everyone here will be turned in by 10, so whenever you feel like it after that. Have fun with Ellie, and don’t ditch to call me. I can wait. _

_ Alright lol, I won’t _ , I type, even though I most certainly will. I’m just not in the partying mood. _ Talk to you soon! _

_ Bye, babes _

    I’m back on the dancefloor before anyone’s even realized I’m missing, except Ellie of course, who gives me a look. 

    “How’s your distraction?” She asks me. 

    “Lovely as ever. How’d you know that’s why I left, anyhow?”

    “Lucky guess,” She says, though the way she says it makes me think it’s anything but. 

“Are you finally ready to dance?”

    “Sure,” I say, rolling my eyes, but beginning to sway to the music. 

    I stay and dance a couple more hours. Everyone around me goes crazy when  _ Touch _ comes on, and I somehow end up on the table. It’s nearing midnight when I announce my departure. I hug Ellie, and let her know that I’ll call her before I leave the country, but I think she’s a bit too merry to care. I instruct her boyfriend to make sure she gets home alright, and then call the car service. 

    I’m still pleasantly buzzed by the time the car arrives, so I decide to refrain from calling Jesy until I’ve gotten home and had the chance to sober up a bit. Once I get a text from the driver letting me know he’s here, I quickly leave through the club’s service door. There are a few paps lurking outside this exit, but none of them are too interested in me leaving the club early in the night alone. I hear a couple shutter clicks, but I pay them no mind. 

    It’s nearly half one by the time I’m home and showered. I send Jesy a quick text to make sure she’s still up. She doesn’t reply, but my phone lights up with her contact photo only seconds later. 

    “Heya,” I answer.

    “Hi,” she replies sweetly. 

    “I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”

    “Definitely not.” She assures me. “I’m just watching garbage American television. Jersey Shore, I think it's called? Its sorta like Geordie shore, but everyone’s orange.”

    “Orange?”

    “Yeah. Fake tan, but its like they bathe in it.”

    “Sounds… interesting.” I say with a laugh.

    “I’ve watched 4 episodes and each one has been exactly the same.” She says, sounding confused. 

    “Why did you keep watching?”

    “Well, I like background noise while I’m on my phone. Plus, I needed something to do while I was waiting up for you.”

    “Jes,” I whine, “You didn’t have to do that.”

    “Yeah, but I wanted to.” She says. “It’s not like I’m tired, anyway. Just bored,” She says, yawning. 

    “Yeah, sounds like it,” I say with a laugh. “Listen, I won’t keep you long. I just, wanted to hear you speak, I guess.”

    “Anytime, babe. Anytime. Before you go, did you have fun tonight?”

    “Yeah, I suppose. Couldn’t quit thinking about you though, if I’m honest.” I admit. 

    “Yeah?” Jesy asks softly. I can hear the smile in her voice. 

    “Yeah. Ellie just told everyone I was a bit too merry. I was so out of it that they believed her. Also, I danced on the table and accidentally took a tequila shot, so-”

    Jesy laughs, loudly. 

    “How do you accidentally take a shot of tequila?”

    “Well, Ellie’s boyfriend brought over shots, and I was being uptight, so Ellie made me take one. Thought they’d be vodka. Wrong; Tequila.”

    She laughs some more. Oh, I don’t think anything makes me happier than her laugh. I can’t get enough. I’ll be a fool the rest of my life just to hear her laugh at me. 

    “Are you sure you weren’t actually drunk?” She asks.

    “Yeah, I’m sure. I’ve no desire to repeat our Patròn and Malibu hangover from the other night, so other than the shot, I only had a glass of wine.”

    “I still don’t know how you can drink that stuff.” She says, and though I can’t see her, I know she wears a look of disgust. 

    “Not everyone can handle hard liquor all the time, Miss Nelson.” I say haughtily. 

    “I just don’t know why anyone would bother with anything else! You drink the least amount for the most amount of buzz. It’s more cost effective.”

    I laugh. “Alright, Alright. As the one of us who does not have experience as a barmaid, I’ll let you have this one.”

    She laughs. “Wow, Pezza.”

    “Can’t win ‘em all, eh?” 

    “No, I suppose you can’t. Look, I don’t want to go, but I promised my nephew I’d take him to preschool tomorrow and we’d go for a pasty before. Can we talk tomorrow, maybe?”

    “Course, yeah! If not, we’ll see each other day after tomorrow!”

    “I can’t wait. Feels like it’s been so long, even though it’s only been a couple of days.” She tells me. 

    “I know what you mean. I don’t think I’ve ever looked forward to the end of an off-weekend before.” I tell her. 

    “Right? I should be sad it’s coming to an end, but I’m thrilled.” She admits. 

    “Couldn’t agree more, babe. Couldn’t agree more. Now, get some sleep. Luke will be crushed if you flake out on your pasty date.”

    “He’d never forgive me.” She agrees. “Goodnight, Perrie.”

   “Goodnight, Jesy.” I say, mimicking her suddenly quiet tone. “I love you.”

    “Love you too,” She finishes through her yawn. And with that, she hangs up. I’m so at peace from my little talk with Jesy, and maybe still a bit buzzed, that I slowly drift into a deep, deep sleep. The next thing I know, my alarm is blaring right next to my ear. 

    It’s 11am, which may seem late for some, but I’d sleep til 4 if I could. I love sleep. But, I’ve got too many things to finish up before the girls and I head to America in a couple weeks, and since we’ll likely be either in the studio putting finishing touches on the album or doing promo around here before we leave for the US, I need to finish everything today. I tidy the whole house before dropping some clothes at the cleaners, and then to the shoppes, and after to the bank, and then back to the cleaners to pick everything up, and then drive up to me mam’s for roast dinner. By the time I’m home it’s nearly 2am, and I can’t help but wonder where the day went. I open my phone to see a couple texts from Jesy.

_ Hi, Pez! Did you still want to talk on the phone today? _

_     I’m assuming you’re quite busy, today being our last day off and all, so just call me if you get the chance. _

_     Alright, I’m off to bed. Still okay to meet me at one tomorrow? Let me know. Love you! _

    I feel bad. If I were in Jesy’s place, I’d be in a panic at this point. Knowing Jes, She’s probably a little more calm, cool, and collected. Still, I don’t want her to worry. 

_ Hey, babe! Sorry, today was M A D. I’ve just looked at me phone for the first time in hours. Sorry we couldn’t speak! And I cannot WAIT  to see you tomorrow! I’ll be there at 1! Love you, Goodnight! _

    I read my message over 3 times, typing, then erasing, then typing the _exact_ _same_ thing again, before I just give up and send it.

    I wait to see if Jesy reads it, but give up after a couple moments, assuming she’s asleep. I set my alarm for 11 again, since I’m having lunch with my brother at 11:45, and within seconds I’m out like a light. 

    It seems only minutes later when I open my eyes to a sunny room and a blaring clock yet again. I call the car service and schedule an 11:30 pick up. Then, I hop in the shower, sing a couple songs, and towel dry my hair. I don’t bother with much makeup, as it’s just a studio day. After that, I quickly throw on some leggings, a hoodie, and some trainers. I grab a baseball cap and some sunglasses before running out the door at 11:31. 

    I’m a couple minutes late to lunch with Johnnie, but he doesn’t seem to mind. He’s used to it. We talk about his life, then about mine. He’s found a girl he really likes, he thinks. I tell him I’ve found someone too, I think. 

    “Do I know him?” He asks. 

    “You do know them a bit, actually.” I say evasively. I’m a bad liar, especially when it comes to Johnnie, so I’m hoping some nondescript half truths will be enough to keep him from sussing out this thing with me and Jesy. 

    “Well, that’s not suspicious at all.” He says. 

    “I didn’t think so.” I say. 

    “Perrie, you know you can’t lie to me. Out with it.” He says. 

    “It’s just, we’re not really telling anyone about it yet. It’s very early days, and I don’t want it to get out into the press and for this whole thing to end before it’s even begun.”

    “Sounds like you’re pretty serious about this guy, eh?”

    “I just want it all to work out alright,” I say, leaning my head in my hands. 

    “It will, petal. Just try not to worry too much, okay?”

    “Alright. Thanks, Johnnie.”

    “What are big brothers for, if not for boy troubles?”

    “Girl troubles.” I mumble. 

    “What?” Johnnie asks, genuinely confused.

    “Girl troubles.” I say more clearly, but still very quietly. 

    “Oh.  _ Oh. _ Well, that’s fine too. I’m probably better help with girl troubles than boy troubles, to be honest.” He says kindly. 

    “Than you, Johnnie.”

    “Of course, Pezza,” He says with a small smile. “Not that it’s any of my business, but does mom know?”

    “No. I didn’t even know myself until a few days ago. I’m still not so sure about how I feel about girls on the whole, but I know how I feel about her.” I admit.

    “Well, that’s all that matters, isn’t it?” He says with a smile. “Now, you better get goin’, if you’re gonna make your meeting with the band at one. You know how the scary little one feels about you always being late.”

    I laugh at his description of Jade. She’s always frightened him a bit, and I’ve never been able to work out why. “Oh, I’m not meeting with her until two. Jes and I are-uh, we’re going in a bit early. And she’s not so fussy as Jade,” I bumble. 

    He gives me a knowing look before a large grin spreads across his face.

    “Well then, tell  _ Jesy _ I said hi, okay?”

    “Okay,” I say, smiling. He gives me a quick hug, and then I’m off. 

_ 1:04 _ . I’m a little late, but not much. I can see Jesy through the glass, pen between her teeth as she stares at the paper in front of her. I’m about to go in when she gets a big grin on her face and sets pen to paper. I just watch her for another few minutes or so, finally knocking on the glass when I see her furious scribbling fade to slow doodles. 

    She knocks the headphones off her ears and looks up, smiling widely at me. 

    I waste no more time, hurrying over to the door before throwing it open and running smack into Jesy. I try to keep balance, but end up pulling the both of us to the floor. Jesy yelps, falling on top of me. She gives me a quick kiss before rolling off of me, laughing. 

    “Quite the greeting, that.” She says with a giggle. 

    “I was excited!” I say defensively, laughing. Eventually, we work our way into a sitting position. We trade kisses and stories about our weekends, leaning on each other, holding hands. I’m ridiculously happy, and I tell Jesy as much. She just smiles at me, planting a quick kiss on my forehead, then a peck on my nose, and long, gentle kiss on my lips. She pulls back, leaning her forehead against mine, looking at me. I’m not sure how long we stay like that, but it’s Leigh Anne’s voice that pulls us out of our little stupor. 

    “Umm, Jesy? Any particular reason you’re under the table?”

    “Ask Pez.”Jesy answers.

    “Wait, Perrie’s down there too? It’s 7 before the hour!”

    Jesy laughs. “Yeah, I lied, told her we was meeting at 1. She was here by about 10 after.”

    “That’s more like the Pez I know,” Leigh laughs, crawling under the table. “Why are you down here again?”

    “I tripped on the way in. Didn’t feel like gettin’ up,” I tell her.

    “Alright.” Leigh says with a shrug. 

    The door opens.

    “Girls?”

    “We’re down ‘ere, Jadey.” Jesy says, sticking her hand out from underneath the table. 

    “Why on earth are you down there?”Jade asks. 

    “Ask Pez.” Leigh and Jes answer in unison. 

    “Wait, Perrie’s here? Already?” 

    The three of us laugh, crawling out from under the table. Leigh repeats to Jade the lie I told her. Jade looks a little suspicious, but holds her tongue for now.

    “Alright then. Are we ready to finish this thing up?” Jade asks. 

    “I’m so ready. I can’t wait to be back on tour,” Jesy says. 

    “Neither can I. I feel like it’s been SO LONG.” I say. 

    “Me too.” Jade says. 

    We all look at Leigh Anne, who’s being suspiciously quiet. “I don’t really wanna leave Andre, but other than that, I suppose I’m ready.” Leigh says with a little smile. 

    “Aw, it’ll be alright. You’ll have us.” I say, wrapping my arm around her. 

    “Yeah, we’ll try and keep you occupied.” Jes says, grabbing her hand. “Plus, there’s loads of shopping you can do while we’re in America!”

    “I do love a good shopping trip.” She says cheerfully.

    “We know,” The three of us say in unison. 

    We laugh. 

    “Okay now, let’s get this done! We’ve gotta be up for radio early tomorrow, so I’d like to be done here by 6 so I’ve got enough time to get my beauty rest. And eat. And call Jed. And-”

    “If you keep banging on, we’re not gonna be out of here by 6, love.” Leigh says drily. 

    “Oi!” Jade yells, but quits talking. 

    “Hello girls!” Says the voice from the intercom. As we’ve been chatting, it appears that our sound team has arrived. “Now, we’re just going to go through and make a couple little changes to help the album flow a bit better, and help each song pop in its own way. We’ll be making modifications to 11 songs today, but most of the mods are minor. Provided nothing goes wrong and everyone stays focused, we should be done by dinner.”

    “Lovely.” Jade replies. We ll take our seats, and get to work. 

    At 6:56, Leigh finishes her last little riff, and we’re free to go. Leigh wants to go out for drinks to celebrate finishing the new album, but Jade doesn’t wanna be hungover for the morning show tomorrow. Jesy suggests that tonight, we go home and get beauty sleep, but that our first day in America, we go out and get smashed.

    No one objects. 

    Jade’s the first to leave, followed by Leigh, and then once again, it’s just me and Jes. 

    “I know we’re supposed to go home and get our beauty sleep, but would you wanna come round mine for a bit?” Jesy asks. 

   “‘Course,” I say. “I was hoping you weren’t tired of me yet.”

     “Not yet.” She says with a smile. 

    Jesy calls for the car, we pack up our stuff, and then we’re on our way to hers. 

    “Hello, Miss Nelson!” 

    “Hello, Norman,” Jesy greets the doorman. Though the rest of us have settled down and bought houses at this point, Jes still insists on living the flat life. I asked her about it once, and she said she “didn’t wanna buy a house unless she had someone to buy one with. A big house all to yourself must get rather lonely. No offense, Pez.” 

    She’s right. 

    “Miss Edwards,” Norman says, giving me a nod while Jesy punches in her code.  

    “Hiya, Norman!” I respond. “How are you today?”

    “I’m alright. All the better for seeing the two of you.”

    “Norman, you charmer!” Jesy says with a laugh 

    “I do try,” He says with a smile. “Go on up, girls.”

    “Thank you, Norman,” I say, following Jes into the building.

    “I’m hungryyyyyyyy,” I whine as soon as we enter Jesy’s apartment. 

    “There’s loads of take-out menus on the table near the front door,” Jesy yells over her shoulder, walking to her room. I go over and thumb through them, but nothing’s really jumping out at me. 

    “Almost all of these are for Asian food! I kinda want Italian.” I yell. 

    “You don’t have to shout,” Jesy’s says in my ear.

    I jump. “Bloomin’ hell, Jes. Scared me half to death.”

    “You scare too easily,” she laughs, pushing an errant lock of hair back behind my ear.  “Anyway, there’s a cute little Italian place a couple blocks away, but they don’t deliver. I did just change into my home clothes, but I will change again if you’d really like Italian.” 

    “You Schweetheart,” I say. “I’d really like Italian. But, you look fab! Just go out like that.”

    And she really does, I’m not just saying that. Jes, infuriatingly enough, doesn’t seem to understand how gorgeous she is when she’s dressed down. She looks great in full glam too, don’t get me wrong, but she’s just as beautiful at the minute, dressed in some old black leggings and an open button down over a black sports bra. 

    “I’m not sure the restaurant will take kindly to the fact that I’m not wearing a shirt.” She tells me, already on her way back to her room to do change again. 

    “Just do up a couple of the buttons!” I say, grabbing her hand before she walks too far away. 

    “I really don’t wanna get papped looking like this.” She says.

    “You’re stunning.” I say with conviction. “Absolutely bloody stunning.”

    “Thanks, babe,” She says, but she looks like she doesn’t believe me. 

    “Can we please just go get food?” I ask, my tummy grumbling.

    “Well, can’t argue with that,” She laughs, poking my stomach. “Lemme find my shoes, and we’ll go.”

    “Yay!” I squeal, throwing my arms around her neck. 

    “You’re easy to please,” She says, laughing. 

    “I just really love food.”  

    After Jess finds her sneakers, we set off on our brief walk. It is Tuesday night at 8:30, so there are maybe 3 other people in the restaurant besides us and the staff. The hostess recognizes us immediately, and seats us in a private room before we can even ask. 

    “Did you know this place had a private room?” I ask. 

    “I’ve never even been here before. I just always see it when I’m on my run,” Jesy replies. 

    Dinner is delicious, though Jesy seems a little off. I know better than to ask her about it within earshot of anyone who could potentially become a “source” for some mostly false  _ Sun _ article, so we just chat about very base things. Our weekends, running over our itinerary tomorrow, the like. 

    Jes takes care of the bill, leaving a more than generous tip, and we go on our way. I try and grab her hand on our way home, but she shakes me off at first. 

    “What’s wrong?” I ask, worried. 

    “There’s a pap in that bush over there,” She says, pointing to a collection of bushes on the other side of the street. Now that I’m listening for it, I can clearly hear the click of the shutter. 

     “We’ve been papped holding hands before, you know.” I tell her, but make sure to keep a little space between us.

    “You’re right, Pezza. I’m sorry. I’m just on edge,” She says, reaching for me. 

    “It’s alright,” I say, taking the hand she offers. “It’s new territory for the both of us. We’ll figure it out.”

    “You know, if there wasn’t a greasy man perving on us from those bushes, I’d kiss you right now.”

    I laugh. “Plenty of time for that back at yours, babe.”

    “I’m looking forward to it,” she says lowly, giving me a little wink. 

    “You tease,” I say, shaking my head. 

    She leans her head on my shoulder, just for a second. “Thanks, Pez.” 

    I don’t have time to ask her what she’s thanking me for before we reach the back entrance of her apartment building and she releases my hand to key in the code.

    I only stay a few minutes once we get back to Jesy’s because I really do need my sleep. Especially since we’ve got to be up at 3:30am. Jes gives me a quick kiss goodnight, and then a much longer one when the first isn’t enough. We’re broken apart by a call from the car service, letting me know my car is here. Still, she kisses me once more before walking me to the elevator. 

    “See you tomorrow,” I say, entering the elevator. 

    “Bright and early.”

    “Don’t remind me.” I groan. 

    She laughs. “Goodnight, Pez.”

    “Night, Jesminda.” I say, right before the elevator doors close. 

    I’ve a smile on my face the whole way home, I’m sure of it. 

    That smile is very much gone when my alarm goes off at 3am. 

    And so it begins.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, I love them so much. 
> 
> I don't know if y'all have preschool in the UK, or if you call it that (you might call it nursery school? Idk), but basically, it's exactly what it sounds like: pre-school. It's for young kids, before kindergarten, and typically only lasts half the day. Y'all prolly think I'm so dumb. I just don't want to assume anything, you know? I don't wanna offend anyone.
> 
> Also the inspo for Jesy's nephew Luke is the fact that I'm preeeeeetty sure she has a nephew? Am I making that up? Also, I saw a pic of her holding a toddler and was physically, mentally, and spiritually undone. So, she needed a nephew. Luke was just the first name to come to mind.
> 
> Not sure if Johnnie and Ellie will pop up again. I don't really know anything about them other than their names and the fact that they're related to Perrie, so I'm taking A LOT of creative license with their characters. I mean, I am taking two (for all we know) straight girls and writing them as Bi, so what else is new? Lots of creative license being taken here. 
> 
> Johnnie being afraid of Jade? I just like the idea of a full grown man fearing the small but mighty Jade Thirlwall. She's so cute, but wicked smart, and I feel like a lot of people underestimate her. Not Johnnie, tho. Anyway. 
> 
> I'm sorry I'm rambling like an idiot. I don't know how to stop. It's a problem.
> 
> Also, I'm sorry if it bugs y'all that I sometimes use the American spelling and sometimes the British! I prefer the double L's British English favors (travelled, etc) but I much prefer the American S to the British C in certain words (like defense). 
> 
> As previously mentioned, I don't have a beta, and I really only grammar edit (content editing yourself is hard, ya know?), so if any of you are interested, hmu. 
> 
> I seem to be doing a lot of apologizing, but I also am sorry if my slang is confusing. As we've discussed before, I'm quite American, so the only British slang I know is what I get from watching interviews of the girls. I'm sort of afraid to slip it in sometimes bc I'm afraid y'all will read me for it lol:) Anyway, if you see me throw in some slang that is incorrect, please feel free to shoot me a message here, or on Tumblr. 
> 
> Speaking of Tumblr...  
> A couple of you reached out over there after my last upload and it MADE MY WEEK!! One of you even wished me a happy birthday, and it made my 21st that much better!  
> Hearing feedback is my fav, and I don't have a ton of direction for this story (I just sort of started writing and this is what's happened so far), so let me know if there's something you'd really like to see! I'm open to suggestions!
> 
> There will be some D R A M A in the next chap or two, bc I LOVE some drama. So if you're bored now, you won't be soon. I promise.
> 
> Wow, this A/N is waaaayyyyy too long. Soz. Probably none of you are still reading this. If you are, come over to Tumblr (16sydd16) and let me know your fav LM song from the new album. 
> 
> Have a good week!!
> 
> -xx-  
> Sydd


	4. Alone with Everyone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All is revealed...  
> Well, to some:)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Loves! Happy New year! I promised an update before 2019, and here it is! Enjoy!:)

    By the time I arrive at the radio 1 studio, I’m already quite late, but Jade’s too tired to call me on it. I set my alarm 30 minutes earlier than the time I actually needed to get up, yet I’m still the last one here. I really need to get an alarm without a snooze button. 

    “Mornin’, babe,” Jess says with a yawn.

    “It’s still the middle of the night,” I grumble, plopping down on the floor. 

    “I’m already on my third cuppa,” Adam says, blending out Jesy’s eyeshadow. 

    “Good God, Adam,” Jes says.

    “Well, some of us had to drive ourselves here,” he says in response. “Now, Perrie, see if Jade is willing to help with your eyeshadow and throw some wings on ya. Otherwise, you’re wearin’ glasses.”

    Jesy laughs. “Good luck. Jade hasn’t had her tea yet.”

    “Lord help me,” I mumble, setting off in search of Jade. 

    “Jaaaaaade…” I say sweetly. Or as sweetly as I can muster. It is 5:30 in the morning.

    “Whatever you’re wantin’, the answer’s no,” She says. 

    “But I need help!” I whine. “And Adam said you would.”

    “Not unless you can find me a decent cup of tea.”

    “Fine. I’ll get your tea. But then you’ve gotta help me.”

    “Alright,” She says, waving me away. “Now please, Perrie. I need. My tea.”  

    After a few minutes of wandering around, a PA points me toward the breakroom. I quickly ready a cup of tea for Jade, just how she likes it, and take it to her. Within 10 minutes of her first sip, she’s an entirely different person, and much more willing to help me out. 

    I nearly fall asleep in the make-up chair, but by 6:22, I’m dressed and ready to go. I go over to Jesy and Jade, both of which are faffing in the mirror, and do a little faffing myself. 

    “Why do we even care what we look like? It’s the radio!” I say.

    “They’re filming it, babe,” Jes says absentmindedly, adding a little highlight to the cupid’s bow of her overlined lips. 

    “Also, where is Leigh? I haven’t seen her yet today!”

    “Hair,” Jade and Jes say in unison. 

    Seconds later, Leigh walks through the door. 

    “Speak of the devil…” Jade mumbles. 

    “Hey!” Leigh yells, pouting. 

    “It’s an expression, babe,” Jade explains, fussing with her hair. 

    There’s a quick knock on the door, followed by a young man peeking his head around. 

    “Ladies, they’re ready for you. If you’ll follow me…”

    So, we do. 

    Despite the fact that I’m insanely tired, I’m very much enjoying our first interview ahead of our new album. That is, until the interview turns toward the topic of relationships. 

    “Now, Jesy, I hate to ask, but I hear you and a certain TOWIE cast member are no more. Care to share?”

    “Bit early for that one, innit mate?” Leigh asks cooly. 

    “We’ve only just woke up, Grimmy. Cut us a bit of a break,” Jade says with a tight laugh. 

    “It’s alright, girls,” Jesy says with a smile. “I will say this: there are no men in my life right now, and I’m quite happy about it.”

    I laugh, and Jesy gives me a wink. 

    “What about you, Miss Edwards? It’s been quite a while since we’ve seen you out on the town with a hunky man, eh?”

    “And I think it’ll still be a while yet,” I say, looking right at Jes. “Unless we go out with the dancers tonight! Have you seen our mix men? They’re quite hunky.”

    “Yes, they are!” Grimmy says, fanning himself. “I was rather upset you didn’t bring them with you this morning, actually. Bit rude of you to keep them all to yourselves.”

    “Aw, we’re sorry. We’ll bring ‘em next time. Promise.” I say with a laugh. 

    The rest of the interview runs smoothly, banter flowing easily back and forth and soon we’re saying goodbye. We’ve got two more interviews today, and then we fly to Ireland for a small performance and a slew of interviews the next day. I make sure I’m sat next to Jesy in all of our interviews, and then again on the plane. Jes keeps dozing off, so eventually I move the armrest out from between us and let her just lay on me. 

    The flight to Dublin isn’t a long one, maybe an hour or an hour and a half, and as such doesn’t leave much time for napping. Still, I try to follow Jesy’s lead and take a quick nap of my own. 

    It seems like my eyes have only been closed a few seconds when I feel the landing gear bounce us onto the ground. Somehow, Jes is still dead to the world. Not even the flight attendant’s voice screaming through the intercom wakes her up. There are only a few rows in front of us, so I figure I better wake her up. 

    “Jes,” I whisper softly in her ear. “Babe, wake up. Flight’s over.”

    “Hmm,” She hums, burying her face in my neck. 

    “C’mon, love. We’ve gotta get off the plane.”

    “Don’ wanna. You’re warm.” 

    I laugh softly. “I’ll still be warm in an hour or so, when we’re all checked into our hotel.”

    “Promise?” She says, eyes still closed. 

    “Promise.”

    She finally starts to move, stretching her arms out a little. She plants a slow, lingering kiss on my neck, flicking her tongue across my pulse point, causing me to give a small yelp, before she pulls away, a naughty little smile on her face.

    “Were you faking?”

    “Being asleep?” She asks. “Only for the last little bit. I’ve been awake since the plane touched down.”

    “Why, you little-”

    “Will you ladies need any assistance retrieving your bags?” The attendant asks, interrupting me. 

    “Nah, we’ve got them. Thanks, though,” Jesy says. He asks Leigh and Jade the same question, to which they reply something similar. I’d forgotten they were in the row next to ours, and hope they were too distracted to pay much attention to us. Leigh looks like she’s just woken up as well, judging by the sleepy smile she gives me, and Jade’s still got one headphone covering her right ear, as if she just pulled off the left one to speak with the attendant. Thankfully, It looks like we’re in the clear. 

    Or so I thought.

    Once we’re back at the hotel, Jade quietly asks me over dinner if we can speak about something later. I try not to show how nervous I am, and agree to have a little chat. 

    Once Jes is in her shower and Leigh-Anne’s on the phone with Andre in the sitting area, we head to Jade and Leigh’s room for our little heart to heart. 

    “I’m gonna ask ya somethin’,” she says, “and you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want, but I want you to know that, no matter what you say, I won’t love you any less, or think differently of you. Okay?”

    “Ask away, Jadey.”

    “Is there something going on with you and Jes? Yous have always been close, but Leigh told me yesterday that she thought something had changed between you two. I told her she was crazy, but then I saw you guys on the plane today, and…”

    “Wait, so Leigh noticed it first?” I ask, sort of evading the question. 

    “Yeah. She thought something was different that day we all came round yours, but thought maybe Jes was just having a little moment post break-up and that you we’re being a friend. But then yesterday, when we showed up to finish recording, she thought the two of you looked awful close under the table, and-” 

    “She’s more observant than I ever give her credit for,” I say, shaking my head.

    Jade just looks at me, waiting to see if I’ll answer. 

    “Why didn’t Leigh just ask me, if she’s so concerned?”

    “Cos it was ‘er job to ask Jesy. We flipped a coin.” She says. 

    I can’t help but laugh. “Well, we’ve not really told anyone yet, ‘cept I think I accidently told Johnnie, but Jes and I are...exploring our options. Or, figuring things out, I guess.”

     “So yous are… hooking up?” Jade asks, confused. 

     “No! We just… well, neither of us have really given girls much thought before, so we’re taking it slow. And I know that this could add drama to things, but Jade, I haven’t for someone the way I feel for Jes in a long time. Maybe ever. I just want to be with her all the time. Hold her, touch her, look at her. Hear her laugh. I just-”

    “Pass the sick bucket,” Jade groans, mimicking what I’ve said to her so many times. 

    “Hey!” I say giving her a little push.

    “I’m kidding, Pez. I’m quite happy for ya. Just try not to let this get in the way of band stuff, okay? I know that sounds selfish, but remember, what you and Jes are doing affects me and Leigh too. You two are Pez and Jes, but we’re all Little Mix.”

    “I know,” I say, though I’m not totally sure I understand what she’s saying. 

    “Well, congratulations then, babe. Although, try and keep the naughty-naughty quiet, yeah? Cos you two are me best friends and I  _ do not  _ want to know what you sound like whe-”

    “Jade!” I yell, making her laugh. 

    “What are you two going on about?” Leigh asks, Jesy trailing behind her, towel drying her hair.

    “Them two, actually,” Jade says, pointing to me and Jes. “All the Jerrie stans are going to be heartbroken, you know.”

    “Yes, but the Pesy fans will be thrilled!” Leigh squeals. 

    “Are there even Pesy fans?” Jes asks. 

    “I’m a Pesy fan!” I say with a laugh. 

    “Well yeah, me too,” She laughs. 

    “There are. My Pseud account is quite popular on Tumblr, as you know, and Pesy seems to be the second most popular ship. Although, Leighade’s not far behind…” Leigh says, reaching for Jade. 

    “Don’t even think about it, Pinnock!” Jade says, cracking up. We all have a good laugh, and I feel lighter once we’re done talking. Even if it’s just Leigh and Jade, it’s nice that someone knows. 

    “Feels good not to have to hide from them anymore,” Jes says once we’re back in our room. “I mean, I know it was only a few days, but still. I’m glad they know.”

    “Me too,” I say decidedly. “I don’t think I like hiding.”

    “I hate it.” Jesy says. “But I do sort of like the idea of a secret love, you know? It’s kind of sexy,” she says, giving me an over-exaggerated wink. 

    I can’t help but laugh. “You’re too much, Jes.” 

    “I just like to see you smile is all.”

    Of course, this earns her a smile. 

    “Perrie! Jesy!” Leigh yells from the kitchen. 

    “Yes, Leigh?” Jes responds. 

    “Jade and I are gonna have a little drink before bed. Join us?”

    Jesy’s already on her way out the door, dragging me behind her.

    “What are we drinking?” She asks once we’ve reached the little kitchen in our suite. 

    “Well, looks like we’ve been left a bottle of Rosè, as well as whatever’s in the minibar,” Jade says, pointing to a little mini-fridge under the common room telly.

    Jes lets go of my hand a minute, going over to inspect the fridge. 

    “Do we know if they left us glasses?” I ask, rummaging around the little kitchen. 

    “There in ‘ere!” Jes says, pulling out four wine glasses. “Chilled and everything.” She brings the glasses back over to us, each one with a different airplane sized bottle of liquor nestled inside.

    “If you think I’m taking a shot of Jack, you’re crazy,” Jade says, shaking her head.

    “Nah, that one’s for Pez. You can have the goose, the gin, or… whatever this is.” She says, inspecting the small bottle of suspiciously clear liquor.

    “The goose is mine!” Leigh says quickly.

    “Guess I’ll take the gin then. Good luck with whatever that is,” Jade says to Jes. 

    “I’ll need it.  _ Spirytus _ . Babe, what language is this?” She asks, turning to me.

    “How am I meant to know that?” I ask her. “Jade?”

    Jade takes another look at the bottle before giving her guess. “It’s Latin based. Slavic, maybe? That’s me best guess.”

    “It smells like vodka. Well, it smells like nothing, which is what vodka smells like to me,” Leigh adds.

    “Alright. Maybe it’s just vodka, then,” Jes says. “Only one way to find out.”

    “So, how are we doing this?” Leigh asks. “Shots, then wine on the couch while we watch some TV?”

    “Sounds brilliant.” Jade says, already pouring her little bottle of gin into her wine glass. We all follow suit, giving a quick cheers and then taking the shot. 

    Jes comes up sputtering. “Holy hell. Uhhhhh. Didn’t like that one.”

    Jade laughs. “A bit too strong for you, was it?”

    Jes nods the affirmative. “I can’t even tell you what kind of liquor it is. It just tastes like burning. Quick, gimme the wine.”

    I rush to hand it to her. She quickly pops the cork before taking three big glugs straight from the bottle. It must be really bad if she’s hitting the wine that hard. 

    “Save some for the rest of us there, Jes,” Leigh says, looking a little concerned. 

    “Sorry. I just had to get the taste of whatever that was out of my mouth.”

    “Was it really that bad?” I ask, rubbing my hand across her back. 

    “Terrible.” She says, looking me dead in the eyes. “I feel like I’ve lit myself on fire. Internally.”

    Jade whistles. “Ah, I think I know why you’re feeling that way, Jesminda.”

    We all look to her.

    “ _ Spirytus is a Polish vodka that in recent years has gained notoriety for its ridiculously high alcohol content. At a staggering 192 proof, or 96% alcohol content, it is the most alcoholic beverage sold in the United States, where it’s only been legalized very recently _ ,” Jade reads from her phone.

    “96%? That’s like- did I just drink rubbing alcohol?” Jesy asks, rubbing her temples. I give her a quick little peck on the cheek and keep rubbing her back, unsure of what else to do. Leigh rinses Jesy’s glass before refilling it with water and pushing it into her hands. “Nothing but water for you the rest of the night, alright? It’s bad enough that we’ve gotta be up at 5am tomorrow, but it’ll be 10 times worse if you’re hungover.” 

    “Agreed.” Jes says, sipping from her glass. 

    “Are you still up to watch some telly?” I ask quietly. 

    “‘Course,” She replies quietly. “What are we watching girls?”

    “Ireland’s got talent?” Leigh asks, flipping through channels. 

    “That’s alright,” Jade says, filling her glass with wine. 

    “Are there any magicians left? They’re my favorite!” I tell Leigh, grabbing a hotel throw from a basket by the door. 

    “I know, I know. And I’m not quite sure if there are any left, babe. I only caught the end of a dance routine before it went to commercial.” 

    We busy ourselves getting comfy on the couch, Jes and I sandwiched between Leigh and Jade, and have a little chat about our schedule tomorrow until the program comes back on. 

     To my dismay, there are no magicians left on the show. There are a couple of dance crews, a singer, and a comedian, but none of them really stand out to any of us. At the end, one of the dance crews is eliminated, and Jade’s just a teeny bit wine drunk. Jes is still a little buzzed from her shot of death, and the night eventually evolves into the two of them yelling at each other in poor irish accents between bouts of laughter. At 10, Leigh decides we all better go to bed, so we say goodnight and head to our respective rooms. I give Jes a long kiss goodnight before heading to the bathroom. She looks disappointed that I’m leaving her, but I feel so gross after flying that I’ve gotta have me shower.

    She’s already asleep once I get back, but that doesn’t keep her from reaching for me once I’m in bed. I can’t help but smile, just thrilled to be here with her really, before tucking her into my side and closing my eyes on today. 

 

    I’m awoken by a blaring alarm once again, but this time, it’s not mine. The music is different, and I’m confused for a moment, until I pop my head up and see Jesy’s phone on the nightstand. 

    “Jes, turn it off.” I grumble

    No response.

   “Jes?” I ask once again, looking around the room, but she’s nowhere to be found. I crawl over to her nightstand, grouchily shutting the phone off, before setting off in search of my girlfriend.

_ My girlfriend _ , I smile to myself. I quite like the sound of that. 

    I’m not searching very long, considering there’s only about three places she could be, and she happens to be in the first place I look: The kitchen. Putting the kettle on. A must after a night of drinking, no matter how tame. 

    “Mornin’, babe,” I say, wrapping my arms around her from behind. 

    “Morning,” She says softly, clicking on the stove. “Figured you’d still be asleep.”

    “I was, until someone’s alarm was screaming in my ear,” I say sarcastically. 

    “Aw, you poor thing. Awake on time for once,” She says with a little laugh. 

    “Eh, it’s not so bad, long as I’m waking up to you,” I say. She cranes her head back and gives me a little kiss on the cheek before she’s puttering about the stove again. 

    “Do you think tea’s enough? I thought about ordering room service, but I think it’s just too early,” she says, turning around in my arms. 

    “Tea’s perfect, babe. Too early for anything else,” I agree, before leaning in for a kiss. I was meaning for it to be a peck, but apparently Jes has other ideas, running her tongue along my bottom lip almost immediately. It takes me no time at all to get on the same page, giving her bottom lip a little bite before working my across her jaw, up under her ear. I suck at her pulse point, giving her a little nip with my teeth. She yelps, pulling my mouth back to hers, sucking my bottom lip between her teeth. A little sigh leaves my lips involuntarily, and I can feel her smile into the kiss. I wonder if our kisses will ever stop being a little competition of sorts. 

   I hope not. 

   I’m running my hands across her lower back, my fingers seeking out the dimples I know are there, when-”

    “Lord, it’s too early for this.”

    We spring apart guiltily, though I don’t let go of Jesy’s hand. 

    “Sorry, babe,” Jes says with an apologetic smile. “Tea’s almost done, if that makes it better.”

    “It does, actually,” Jade says, taking a seat on the counter. Leigh enters only seconds later. 

    “Mornin’!” She says cheerfully. 

    “Good morning, Leigh,” Jes responds in kind. I hop up on the counter next to a very sleepy Jade, who leans on me immediately. 

    “I think I might’a gotten a bit too merry last night.” 

    “You pretended to be Irish until you fell asleep, so I’d say you did,” Leigh says, laughing. Jes and I can’t help laughing as well. The kettle gives a little squeak, and Leigh starts banging around the kitchen, looking for mugs. It always baffles me how loud she is, and how she doesn’t realize it. 

    Jes pulls some skim outta the fridge, and some tea bags and sugar out of the cupboard, along with 4 mugs. She’s already made Jade’s tea and is working on mine before Leigh relaizes. 

    “Hey!”

    Jes gives a little giggle before handing an empty mug to Leigh and a full one to Jade. 

    “How come you made Jade’s tea and not mine?” Leigh asks with a whine. 

    “Cos I caught these makin’ out in the middle of the kitchen before the sun was even up,” Jade says nonchalantly. 

    “You little minxes!” Leigh says with a laugh. “Jes, can you pass me the milk?”

    “Of course, darlin’.” She says with an accent. “‘Ere ya go.” 

    “Thanks, love.” Leigh says, mimicking her. 

    Jesy hands me my tea, which I take with a small “thanks,” before she quickly prepares her own. There’s a knock on the door just a few moments later, and then it’s a flurry of  _ hair makeup nails clothes shoes  _ for the next couple hours before we’re rushed out the door, suitcases in hand, for another full day of press. By tonight, We’ll be in Amsterdam, then Germany, then 5 or so other places I can’t quite remember before one last day in London. After that, we set off for a couple months in America. 

    I’m thrilled, but I’m already tired. 

    The rest of the press tour passes in a blurb, and then we’re headed back to London just in time because I’m so exhausted that I swear I can nearly understand the rapid-fire Swedish that’s been thrown at us during all of our interviews the last couple days. Jes just laughs when I tell her as much, and that turns into the four of us giggling uncontrollably in the back of a van transporting us to the airport. 

    I think I might actually be going crazy when the flight attendant asks if I’d like an extra granola bar and I nearly cry at her show of kindness. 

    Jes orders me to sleep after that, and I’m out as soon as I’m nestled in her arms. I wake to Leigh shaking my shoulders a couple hours later, telling me it’s time to get off the plane. 

    I somehow manage to stay awake and remain coherent through three more interviews and an acoustic performance. Well, mostly. I mess up at the end of the performance, trying to plant a quick kiss on Jesy’s lips. Luckily, she’s more aware of everything than me, and manages to turn her head so I hit her cheek instead. She gives me a look after, mouthing a clear  _ later _ , before we’re being ushered off the stage and over to the couch for a quick interview. 

    “Girls, lovely to see you all again!” The host says. 

    “Lovely to see you too, Graham!” Jesy says. 

    “It has been a minute, hasn’t it?” Adds Leigh with a little laugh. 

    “It has! I think the last time you were here was with your last album, was it?” He asks. 

    “Yeah, I think it was! Been nearly two years since then!” Jesy says. 

    “Two years! That seems quite a long time to be away. But, I assume you girls have been hard at work! How’s the new album? Tell us, girls, is it as good as the last?”

    “Better, I think.” Says Jade. 

    “I’ve only heard a couple songs, and I’m inclined to agree! This seems to be a much more grown up sound. Girls, what-”

    Graham continues blabbing on, but I can’t be bothered to pay attention. I’m just too tired. Jade keeps patting my leg, probably just to make sure I’m awake. I decide to distract myself by looking at Jesy. She’s fully animated, answering the questions with vigor, but then again, she loves press. Well, sometimes. Sometimes she can’t be bothered. But, when she loves it, she  _ really  _ loves it. 

    She’s in a wig today. It’s brown, a little darker than her natural color, and nothing close to the red it’s dyed currently. I start counting the piercings in her ears, then decide that’s too easy, and move to the freckles on her face. They’re mostly covered up, but she’s been in full glam probably 14 hours at this point, so some of the darker ones are starting to poke through. I could jus-

    “-hmm, Perrie?” 

    I turn to face Graham, looking like a deer in headlights. Jesy gives my leg a squeeze, before starting to answer for me. 

    “You’re quite fond of  _ Notice _ , ain’t ya Pez? Although you also quite like _ Monster in Me _ …”

    “I do, yeah.” I say, nodding at her as if to say  _ thanks _ . “I’m also a big fan of  _ Wasabi _ , which Jadey here wrote. And of course  _ Forget you not _ ! It sorta reminds me of  _ The Cheetah Girls. _

    Leigh laughs. “Oh my gosh, I  _ loved  _ them!” 

    The conversation continues, and I try to pay attention, I really do, but now I’m looking at the little tattoo right near Jesy’s ear and wondering what it would feel like to run my tongue over it and-

    “Perrie, Jesy, Jade, Leigh-Anne, thank you for being here tonight! The girls new album, LM5, is out now everywhere! They’ll also be on BBC breakfast radio tomorrow to release the name of their new single. Ladies, it’s been a pleasure!”

    We all wave goodbye, thank Graham for having us on the show, and then hurry backstage. I can tell Jesy wants to talk with me, but there are too many ears around now. I’m grateful that we taped our BBC breakfast interview a couple weeks ago, instead of going in to do it live. Apparently, after you call someone a twat on national radio, the station isn’t too keen on doing another live interview for a while. 

    “I’m so glad we recorded the BBC interview weeks ago. I need to sleep in tomorrow!” I exclaim. 

    “I’m excited, but also… not so excited. I did reveal that my relationship ended in that interview, you know,” Jes replies. 

    “It’ll be alright. You haven’t been seen out with anyone except us, so I doubt anyone will suspect anything,” Jade says reassuringly. 

    “You’re probably right. No one’s gonna expect the truth anyway, right?”

    “Well, no one except the Pesy stans,” Leigh says with a smile. “Perrie’s little kiss is gonna be enough to keep them going for  _ weeks _ .”

    “I’m sorry!” I say to Jes. “I’m just so tired, and I- well, we were dancing, and-”

    “It’s alright, babe,” she says, rubbing my back. “You’ve just gotta be more careful, you know?”

    “I know, I know. It’s just- learning how to do all this, I guess.”

    “It’ll get easier in time, I think, babe.”

    “I hope.”

    “Well, I don’t know about you lot,” Leigh Anne breaks in, “But I’m heading to the hotel for one last night with my boyf before I’m stuck with you three in America for the next couple of months.”

    “Why are you headed to the hotel? You live 30 minutes from here,” I ask. 

    “We’ve all gotta stay at the hotel tonight,” Jade replies. “ _ Modest! _ ’s orders.”

    “Ugh,” I groan, laying my head on Jesy’s shoulder. 

    “My room’s got a hot tub…” Jesy whispers to me. 

    “What are we still doing here then? Let’s go!” I say, dragging her toward the exit. The girls trail behind, laughing. Before long, we’re ushered into a car, finally on our way to a good night’s sleep. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Leigh and Jade know. Whew!  
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter, because the next one is full of D R A M A ! !  
> I'm excited:)  
> I don't personally know a ton about Spirytus, the liquor Jesy drinks, (I'm not sure they sell it in my state, so all the info is from google) but it's got a higher alcohol content than everclear, which will take off your nail polish. And probably all the enamel on your teeth. That stuff is bad news, man.  
> If it wasn't super clear in the text, they shot the BBC radio show before they went on Graham Norton, but it's not going up until the morning after the GN show. I know that's not how radio works, and that the GN show isn't live, but this is my story, so. lol  
> Come say hi on Tumblr (16sydd16) ! I love to hear from you guys!  
> -xx-  
> Sydd


	5. (once upon a time) We had it all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just when things seem to be going so well...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's a bit of a ride. Enjoy.  
> -xx-

    Jesy’s room does  _ have _ a hot tub, but by the time we get to the hotel both of us are too tired to do anything but sleep. I only take my makeup off cause Jes drags me to the bathroom, and tells me I’ll regret it in the morning if I don’t. She’s right, but still. A quick goodnight kiss is all we manage before I’m out cold, my arms wrapped snugly around Jesy. 

    The next time I awaken is to the ringing of a phone. I’m about to chew Jesy out for setting an alarm when I realize it’s mine. And it’s not an alarm, but a phone call. I decide to just let it ring. I’m already back to sleep when it rings again, waking me up a second time. 

    “Pez,” Jes says, her voice gravelly from sleep. 

    I quite like it. 

    “Let it ring,” I tell her. We let the phone ring out again, and whoever’s on the other line doesn’t try and call back right away. 

    The final time I wake is blessedly peaceful, my body waking up because it’s rested. It feels  _ so good  _ after so many days of late nights and obscenely early mornings. Not to mention all the jet lag I never had the time to properly deal with. Jesy is still asleep next to me, but I don’t want to rob her of any precious moments spent in a blissful state of unconsciousness, cause who knows when our next opportunity to sleep in will be? I take this time to just look at her, stare at her like I wanted to last night, except this time I don’t have to worry about an interviewer asking me questions that I really don’t care to answer. She sleeps in a little ball, all curled up in the blankets, just her nose poking out so she can breathe. I pull the blanket down slowly, selfishly, just so I can see more of her beautiful face: sculpted cheekbones, long lashes, a full bottom lip offset by a slightly thinner top one. She’s got the cutest nose I’ve ever seen, I’ve decided, when she opens her beautiful eyes. In the morning light, they look an inimitable shade of deep green, with hints of orange interspersed throughout. She smiles at me, and I decide that this is the only way I want to wake up everyday. 

    “Good morning,” she says, her voice thick with sleep. 

    “Morning, beautiful,” I say with a smile. 

    “How long have you been up? You could’ve woken me.”

    “Not long,” I assure her. “Plus, you look so cute in your sleep. Not that you’re not gorgeous when you’re awake, but you just look so...content. Happy. It makes me happy.” 

    She blushes, and I can tell she doesn’t really know what to say. I lean in for a kiss and she obliges, even though I’m sure we’ve both got morning breath. I try to deepen the kiss, pushing her back into the bed, when the phone rings. I’m content to ignore it again, but it seems Jesy’s got other plans. 

    “Is that your ringer or mine?” She asks, breaking the kiss. 

    “Don’t know, don’t care,” I say, leaning in to kiss her again. She responds, but only momentarily, breaking the kiss once the ringer sounds yet again. 

    “I’ll get it,” She says, grabbing the ringing phone from the nightstand. I busy myself with kissing my way up her neck, running my tongue along her jawline as she swipes to accept the call. 

    “Perrie!” She squeals, trying to stifle a laugh. “I’m on the phone.”

    “And who’s fault is that?” I whisper into her other ear, pulling the lobe between my teeth while she tries to talk. 

    “Perrie, stop!” She squeaks, smiling. “I can’t hear. Sorry, who is this?” She says into the phone. 

    “Oh.” She says, seemingly shocked. I immediately stop what I’m doing, wanting to know who’s on the other line. “Ah, good morning to you too. Yeah, she’s here, if you’d like to speak with her? Alright, then. Goodbye, Debbie.” 

_ Shit _ . 

    She hands me the phone, before fleeing the room, mumbling something about tea. 

    “Perrie?”

    “Hiya, mam,” I say down the phone. “How are you today?”

    “Well, I’m a little surprised, but I’m alright. I was calling to tell you I heard some crazy rumours on an American news show this morning, but I’m starting to think they may not be so crazy after all.”

    “Wait, rumours? What kind of rumours?” I ask nervously. 

    “Well, I heard that you were, ah, getting… romantic with Jesy. Now, you know I don’t care who you date! I just, didn’t know…” she trails off. 

    “Didn’t know that I could be dating a girl?” I finish for her. 

    “Well, yeah. I mean, you’ve never dated one before, and-”

    “Believe me, it was a bit of a surprise to me too,” I tell her. “But, I don’t know. Looking back, I realized I’ve always felt a little different towards Jesy than the other girls. I never thought it was cause I wanted to date her, I just thought maybe we were a little more alike. I thought I only liked boys, you know?”

    “I thought so too,” mam says, “but you know it doesn’t matter to me who you date, so long as they make you happy.”

    “Thanks, mam. I’m so glad you think that. And Jesy- mam, it’s only been a short while that we’ve been together, but this is the happiest I can ever remember being. I know it seems soon, but I love her in every way a person can love someone, I think. And it’s really not all that sudden, considering we’ve been together, but not, you know, ‘together’ all these years. We’re not really telling anyone yet, though, so keep quiet about it, please?”

    “Well, Perrie, I’m so happy for ya. And I can stay quiet, but I don’t think it's me you need to worry about. Remember the rumours I mentioned? Apparently, Jesy talked about how happy she was to have no men in her life on the radio? And then she winked at you? And you kissed her on the Graham Norton show last night, and yous have been seen out together, just the two of you? And a pap caught Jesy leaving your house late, and-” 

    “Mam, where did you see all this?” I ask, wondering whos had the time to compile all this information. The radio interview went up this morning, and Graham Norton was just last night. It’s not even 1pm. 

    “That Paris Hilton man.”

    “Perez?” I ask.

    “Yeah, the American one? Apparently, he’s doing a British gossip week or something, and it seems like he’s starting with you and Jesy. I was calling you to have a laugh over how silly it was, but then Jesy answered your phone squealin’ your name, and I started to think maybe it wasn’t all that silly.” 

    “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” I say. “We’ve only been together a couple weeks, and I just haven’t really had the time-”

    “Perrie Louise Edwards, I’m your mam. Make time.”

    “Sorry, Mam,” I say sheepishly. “I’ll make sure you know how it’s going.”

    “You better,”  she says, trying but failing to sound stern. “So, if you’re not telling anyone, what are you going to do about this?”

    “Let it blow over, maybe? I don’t know. Jes and I will talk about it. It might be good press for the band, and we could use all the American press we can get.”

    “Don’t let press exposure decide how you handle this,” she warns me. 

    “I won’t mam. Never again,” I assure her. 

   Just then, Jesy pokes her head through the door. 

    “Do you want tea, babe?” She asks quietly, like she’s afraid to interrupt. 

     “Please. Thank you, baby,” I say. 

    She winks at me, blowing me a kiss before heading back to the kitchen.

    “Eh, Perrie?”

    “Sorry, mam! Jes was askin’ if I wanted tea.”

    “I guess I’ll let you go then,” she says with a laugh. “Don’t want to keep your girl waitin’.” 

    “Thanks, mam, for everything. I’ll call you once we’re settled in America. I love you.”

    “I love you too, my little Perrie-winkle. And tell Jesy I’d like you two to come round once you get back, okay? At least for Christmas, if not before. I know we’ve met before, and I know her pretty well, but I’ve still gotta make sure she’s good enough for my little girl.”

    “Mam!”

    “It’s a mother’s job, honey. One day you’ll understand. Love you, and have a safe journey! Don’t go out in America by yourself. I don’t want you to get lost.”

    “You know they speak English there, right mam?”

    “Oh, stuff it. I’m allowed to worry about you.”

    “Alright, alright,” I say with a laugh. “I love you! Talk to you later.”

    “Goodbye, dear.”

    I sit silent for a second after we’ve hung up, thinking about what’s just happened. I’ve just come out to my mother, I suppose. She seemed a little surprise, but I couldn’t have hoped for a better reaction. I feel so lucky to have such a wonderful, accepting mother. I hope my dad, as well as Jesy’s parents, will react the same. 

    Jes pokes her head in the door once again, this time with two mugs in hand. She hands me mine before sitting down next to me on the bed. 

    “Everything alright?” She asks, hopeful.

    “Everything’s perfect,” I say with a smile, planting a soft kiss on her cheek. “Mam wants you to come round once we get back. At least for Christmas, if not sooner.”

    “Maybe we could do Christmas Eve in Romford and Christmas in South Shields? I know its a bit of a drive, but Christmas Eve is Nan’s favorite holiday. We put on a little program and everything.”

    “Sounds perfect,” I say, happy. “I don’t mind a bit of a road trip anyway.”

    She gives me a quick peck on the nose, followed by a longer one on my lips, before hopping up to grab her phone. 

    “Damn, did something happen?” She wonders aloud, sliding through what must be a hundred or so notifications. 

    “I think I might have an idea…” I say, and then relay what my mam told me to Jesy. Sure enough, that’s what most of her messages are about. There’s nothing from her mam yet, so she decides she better call her and tell her about us before she hears it from someone else. We spend the next hour or so telling all the people who need to be told and swearing them to secrecy. About 3pm, a few hours before our plane leaves, we receive a message from  _ Modest! _ , instructing us to meet, as a band, in a conference room on the first floor in 30 minutes. 

    We both groan, unhappy that our last few hours of freedom are being tainted by our shitty management team, but throw on some clothes and brush our hair nonetheless. 

    Jesy texts Leigh and Jade to see if they’d like to walk down together, and they respond affirmatively almost immediately, each one telling us they’ll meet us in our hotel room shortly. 

    And they do. Jade arrives first, giving three quick knocks so we know it’s her. Leigh’s not so sophisticated in her approach, simply knocking on the door repeatedly and sing-song-shouting Jesy’s name until she opens it. Which she does, with a huff, rolling her eyes until Leigh-Anne wraps her in a hug. 

    “C’mon, you know you love me,” She says, smothering her. 

    “Suppose I do,” Jesy says with fake-exasperation, returning the hug. Leigh makes her rounds, giving a Jade and I a hug in greeting as well, before plopping herself onto the pull-out couch in the sitting room. 

    “So, what do you reckon the meeting’s about?” She asks. 

    Jesy, Jade, and I all give her the same dumbfounded look. 

    “Are you serious?” Jade asks, cocking her head to the side. “Have you been on social media at all today?”

    “Not really,” She admits. “I was in bed up until 20 minutes ago, and I just got out of the shower before coming to meet you lot.”

    “You didn’t check anything at all?” I ask, incredulous. Leigh spends more time on her phone than anyone I know. Well, present company excluded. 

    “I was a little...preoccupied,” she says with a naughty grin. 

    “You little minx,” Jesy says, laughing. “Did you get some sleep, at least? We’re working the next three weeks straight, no off days.”

    “That’s what the plane’s for. I’m not gonna see Andre for 2 and a half months! I’ll need the memories to tide me over.”

    “Or you could just facetime, like Jade does,” Jesy says with a laugh. 

    “Eh, we’re not talking about me! We’re talking about you two,” Jade says, pointing to me and Jesy. 

    “I thought we were talking about me?” Leigh Anne asks in her best American accent. 

    “I meant the meeting,” Jade says. “Pesy is a trending topic on twitter today in several countries, including America.”

    “Shut up.” Jes says. 

    “Wait, we’re trending? On American twitter? I didn’t know it was that big a deal,” I say, a knot forming in the pit of my stomach. 

    “Wait, what’s happened? I thought you guys weren’t telling anyone,” Leigh asks. 

    “We’re not. Well, except our mums,” Jesy says. 

    “Wait, you told your mams? How’d that go?” Jade asks. 

    “Well. For me, anyway,” Jes says. 

    “Me too. Although me mam was a little mad that I didn’t tell her sooner.”

    “I didn’t tell my mum for a month when I started dating Andre,” Leigh says.

    “Well, I wasn’t planning on telling me mam, but Jesy answered me phone squealin’ me name in me bed, so…”  

    “Well, you had to tell her then,” Jade laughs, before turning to Leigh and explaining all the rumours that have been circulating. She knows much more about the gossip than I did, and apparently the fans have gone wild. Some theories have Jesy cheating on Chris with me, some have her cheating on Jake, some have me cheating on Zayn- apparently, some of the Pesy stans think that Jesy grabbing my hand after we got chopped at bootcamp was the start of our romantic relationship. 

    “Some of these are  _ crazy _ ,” I say. 

    “Y’think those were crazy? Have a listen to this one,”Jade says, pulling up something on her phone. She reads:  _ “11/10 chance that Chris and Jesy broke up right before his birthday party, and then she went and got smashed at Perrie’s and the two of them drunkenly made out and figured, ‘Eh, we’ll give it a go.’ Calling it. Right now.” _

    We all just sit for a moment, stunned. 

    “How do people…” Jesy wonders aloud. 

    “To be fair, the reasoning on this one is solid, and pretty well articulated,” Jade tells us. “This account noticed that you weren’t at Chris’s birthday party, and then you got papped leaving Perrie’s house in Perrie’s clothes the next day. Couple that with the recent press… it’s pretty obvious, really.”

    “You’re spending too much time on tumblr I think, babe,” Leigh tells Jade. Turning to Jes and I, she asks “So, how are you to going to handle this thing?”

    “Well, my plan is to do the exact opposite of whatever we get told during our little call today,” Jesy says with a shrug. 

    “You know, this is the reason management likes you least,” Jade reminds her with a grin. 

    “And why I like you most,” I say, placing a lingering kiss on her cheek. 

    Jade groans, and Leigh sighs. 

    “If yous are done-” Jade starts.

    “Oh, leave them be, Jade. It’s cute,” Leigh cuts in. 

    “I’m sure it’ll be really cute when you’re on the bunk above them on the bus,” Jade quips. “Now, we should probably head to the meeting.”

    I groan, but grab Jesy’s hand and pull her toward the door nonetheless. 

    The elevator ride to the ground floor is quiet, each of us lost in thought. I have no idea what management is going to ask of us, but I need to be prepared for anything. I’d let Jes do all the talking, but like Jade said, she and management butt heads the most. They’re more likely to hear me out, just cause I speak up the least. The other girls have usually won the battle by the time I enter the conversation, so I just don’t speak very much. And management loves a quiet girl. They think we’re easier to control. 

    They’re wrong, but, I’m not gonna tell them that.

    Even if I did they wouldn’t listen.

    Once we reach the ground floor, we’re directed to room 117, where a  _ Modest! _ rep is waiting for us with a laptop pulled up to skype and a small projector. 

    “Oh, a video call. This’ll be interesting,” Jesy says, studying the her nails on her left hand, the one I’m not holding. The rep greets us, and points out the little webcam we’re to look into while we speak. He shows us what button to press to accept the call before exiting the room to guard the door. 

    Not 5 seconds after he leaves does the laptop beep, notifying us of the incoming call. Jade quickly clicks the “accept” button, and I turn my gaze toward the projection on the wall, waiting to see our manager’s face pop up. 

    But it’s not Harry’s face that shows up on the screen.

    I’m not quite sure what to say, and it appears the others aren’t either. Jesy’s still unaware, just picking at her nails.

    “Jesy, love, could you at least pretend to pay attention?”

    When she hears his voice, her grip on me tightens almost imperceptibly, but she doesn’t let the surprise show on her face. She takes her time looking up, not bothering to glance at the projection, instead just looking dead on into the webcam. 

    “Mr. Cowell. Been a minute, hasn’t it?” 

    A quick glance at the screen shows me his tight smile at her response. Jesy’s still looking right into the camera. 

    “It has. Girls, how are you?”

    “Fine,” we reply in unison. We’re all a little shocked that its Simon, but determined not to show our surprise, we just smile and carry on, letting Jesy do most of the talking. She’s the best at standing up to him.

    “Now, have you got any idea why I’ve called?”

    “None at all,” Jesy says, sounding bored. 

    “Well, with the way you’re clutching on to the little blonde one, I’d say you know exactly why.”

    Now, if it was me, I’d be pissing myself. But Jesy doesn’t react, still staring eerily right into the webcam. 

    “Is it a crime for me to show some affection toward my best friend?” Jesy asks, sounding seriously over it. “Now, we’ve got a flight in about 2.5 hours, so if you could get on with why you’ve called-”

    “I was getting there, Nelson. Now, I know you won’t confirm it, but the way Perrie’s looking at you already confirms it for me. Well, that and the fact that she never checked into her hotel room last night.”

    Hearing what he’s said I bow my head, looking at nothing but the floor. 

    “It’s alright, Pezza.” Jesy says quietly, leaning into me for just a moment. I chance another look at her and see that she’s broken her stare down with the webcam, and is instead looking at me, a soft smile on her face. 

    “Now,” she says, eyes back to the camera, voice bored once again, “I still don’t know what you’re getting at-”

    “Oh, come off it, Jessica,” he growls, raising his voice. Jesy smiles back at him. 

    “Now, now, Mr. Cowell,” She says in a voice that is too soft and too sweet to be anything but patronizing. “No need to get angry. Just tell me why you’ve called, and I’ll tell you what you want to know.”

    “Oh, Jesy. You forget who controls who, darling,” He says with an evil little grin.

    Jesy’s hand tightens on mine once again. 

    He continues, “Whatever is going on between the two of you ends now. You’re not to been seen out together alone, no late night visits to each others rooms, and no physical affection while performing.  _ Modest! _ has found suitable boyfriends for you, lovely little American boys, and you’re to be papped out with them,  _ separately, _ by the fourth day you’re in America. Am I clear?”

    “What makes you think you can do this?” Jade asks, angry. 

    “Simple: I own the four of you. Your straight male fanbase-”

    Jesy snorts.

    “-won’t take well to half a band of lesbians. They’re only interested if they have a chance, however small, of bedding you.”

    “This is absolutely ridiculous,” Leigh-Anne says. “How dare you reduce us to sex objects? Have you forgot that our talent got us here, not the way we look?”

    “That’s up for debate, darling. In the beginning, you were geeky and normal, but still desirable. If you’re not desirable, what have you got, really? Now, I’ve got to go. Enjoy your new boyfriends. Oh, and Jesy,” he says slowly, “should you decide to ignore my directive, you’re losing Kamille, the Mix men, and the James Corden appearance. Goodbye now.”

    And with that, he’s gone. 

    “What a twat!” Leigh-Anne yells, looking like she’s ready to scrap. “Who does he think he is? Does he really think we’re where we are because of him? How conceited-”

    “Leigh,” Jade says quietly, putting a hand on her arm to calm her down. 

    I don’t see anything after that, burying my face in Jesy’s neck when she wraps me in her arms, her earlier toughness gone. 

    “I’m sorry,” Jesy whispers. 

    “You’ve got nothing to be sorry about,” I say sternly. 

    “I shouldn’t’ve pushed him, I should have-”

    “Should have what, love? There’s nothing you could’ve done. That awful man’s had his mind made up since the rumours were nothing but whispers, I’m sure,” I tell her. 

    “His argument’s bullshit,” Jade says bluntly. “It’s not like we’ve got a plethora of straight male fans. And I really doubt they’d mind you lot being a couple. ‘Specially since you’ve both dated boys before. Don’t men love bisexual women?” 

    We all look at Jade, a little confused by what she’s saying. I mean, I get what she’s saying- it just doesn’t seem like a very Jadey thing to say.

    “Look, I’m not trying to say yous are just sex objects. But, if that’s Simon’s argument, his reasoning is flawed. The kind of men that only see you as a something to have sex with are the same kind of men that would ask you to kiss your friend in a bar, or beg you to bring her home so the three of you can have a go. He’s a pig, yes, but there’s also something he’s not telling us.”

    “Jade’s right,” Jesy says, looking tough once again. Calculated. It’s like I can see the wheels turning in her head. “He’s lyin’ about something. We just need to figure out what it is, so we can use it against him.”

    “Until then?” I ask, clutching Jesy’s hand. 

    Just then, the  _ Modest! _ rep knocks on the door. 

    “Girls, I’ve been told to notify you that we leave for the airport in 20.”

    “Thank you,” Leigh yells, reaching for the door handle. Jes goes to follow, but I yank her back. 

    “Until then?” I whisper. She looks at me sadly before planting a long, bruising kiss on my lips.  

    Turning towards the door, she says, “I don’t know.”

    And then she lets go of my hand.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me. Every good story needs a little struggle, right?   
> I know Perrie gets kinda soppy when she's talking to her mom, but honestly, how could you not be soppy when you're in love with the literal Goddess that is Jesy Nelson?   
> Question for y'all: I tend to stick with one POV when writing, just because I like only truly having one side of the story (it's very real life to me, you know? You only ever truly see things from your perspective. Plus, it's better for continuities sake, imo), but would you guys be interested in little one shots from other POVs? Like, Debbie when Perrie comes out to her, or Jade when she walks in on Pez and Jes, or Jesy waxing poetic on her love for Perrie? Just a thought. Lemme know in the comments, or feel free to come yell at me on Tumblr at 16sydd16 . I love to hear from you guys! Feedback makes me feel like I'm not just shouting into the void that is the internet.   
> Also, this is just a personal favor, really, but if you guys have any Pesy fics you think I should read, let me know! I started writing this because there's like no Pesy fan fiction (in English, Anyway. There's lots of Pesy fanfic written in Portuguese, for some reason.) and I really wanted to read some. So, if you've got fit recs, lay 'em on me!   
> I hope you all have fantastic weeks, and enjoy the new year!  
> Love yous!  
> -xx-  
> sydd


	6. (somewhere down the line) We went and Lost it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Perrie and Jesy, with the help of Leigh and Jade, try to figure out what's next for them, and what that could mean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all!  
>  As promised, here's chapter 6. Enjoy!

    I stand there a moment, watching Jesy file out behind Leigh, not even sparing me a backward glance. It takes Jade harshly tugging on my arm to pull me back to myself, her hand on my shoulder nudging me forward. I manage to walk out of the room and toward the elevator, but we’re trailing so far behind that we miss Leigh and Jesy completely. Jade punches in the number to our floor, dragging me out once we’ve finally arrived. I slump down in the hallway, head between my hands. Jade lets me mope a few minutes, before pulling me up and leading me to Jesy’s suite. The door is propped open, and Jade brings me inside, before turning around and walking right back out. 

    “We’re leaving soon, Pez,” She says from the doorway. “Think you can get packed?”

    I nod my head, waiting for her to leave. She looks conflicted, but ultimately turns and goes. I head to the bedroom. If I were paying attention, I’d think it strange that Jesy wasn’t there, considering there aren’t any other rooms in the suite, but I’m too busy crying internally and absentmindedly shoving my stuff into my suitcase to really notice my surroundings. Eventually, a hissing makes its way to my ears. I don’t know how long its been carrying on, but once I notice it, it’s the only thing I can hear. I rummage around the room, wondering what could be making the noise, when I swear I hear a sigh from the bathroom. 

    I go to investigate, and find the sink running. I shut it off, letting myself be engulfed by the quiet. I place my hands on the cool marble of the counter, shifting my weight to lean on my arms, hoping the pressure will ground me. I’m not sure how long I stay like that, but by the time I lift my hands, they’re nearly completely numb. Only then do I notice the little note stuck on the mirror. 

_ I’m sorry. We’re being watched. Had to seem real. Sit next to Leigh on the plane.    Love you, Pezza <3 _

_ xx  _

_ Jesy  _

    Leigh finds me there, staring at the note. She takes one look at me, glancing at the little pink sheet of paper before putting a finger to her lips. It doesn’t take a genius to understand that she means for me not to talk about the note. Still, that almost doesn’t keep me from asking. What does keep me quiet is Leigh’s incessant talking. 

    “Need help packing, Pez? I’d hate for you to forget something! Shipping to the States costs an arm and a leg! It’s ridiculous. Do you need to pick up anything on the way to the airport? Jade’s on about her biscuits already, so I know we’ll be making a stop. I’m thinking I need tea. The American’s have great food, but terrible tea. They just don’t do it right. In Texas, they drink it cold. Cold! And with loads of sugar dumped in! I just don’t understand. I can’t-”

    She keeps rambling about absolutely nothing until we’re down to the car. Jesy and Jade are already inside. I want to not look at her, cause I know I’m not supposed to but I can’t help it. Jesy’s going to have to do all of the avoiding, because I can’t bear it. She meets my eyes once, gives a small smile, and then avoids my gaze for the rest of the trip. Leigh and Jade- well, mostly Leigh- make many attempts at conversation, but Jes only puts in a word here and there, and I can’t speak. I don’t even pretend to follow the conversation, just looking at Jes, who’s studying the floor. 

    After a brief stop at Sainsbury’s, in which we stay in the car and Leigh and Jade send security in with a list at least a dozen items long, we arrive at the airport to loads of fans, waiting for pictures and autographs. We really haven’t got the time, and I’m not in the mood, but we’re able to stop for just a few people along the way. I manage to paste on a smile and try my hardest to listen to their stories, I really do, but I can’t stop looking over at Jes and wondering exactly what the hell is going on. The note she left must mean that we’re okay, but how are we supposed to be okay when we’ve been ordered to break up? It just seems like shes holding all of this together so much better than me, and though it shouldn’t make me suspicious, it does. 

     Eventually we make it to the plane, plopping down in our first class seats. I’m settled in next to Leigh, who’s nearly asleep the moment we sit in our chairs. I don’t even pretend to pay attention during the flight safety demonstration, because at this point we’ve flown so much that I could probably give them demonstration myself. I start scrolling through instagram, but it seems all anyone can talk about it  _ #Pesy _ , so I quickly click out of the app. I try my luck at twitter next, but it’s even worse. I’ve just opened up candy crush on my phone when the flight attendant comes around to ask if we’d like anything to drink. I can’t decide between a jack and coke and a vodka soda, so I just get both. Jesy looks concernedly at me across the aisle once she sees the attendant hand me what I’ve ordered. I simply shrug in response. Leigh’s already asleep next to me, so I resign myself for what’s sure to be a long, boring flight. I try and take on the same unaffected attitude Jesy seems to have, but I quickly give up. I spend the first hour of the flight just staring at her until she catches me, looking away, and then starting again. I’m aware that I’m completely pathetic, but I don’t know how else to be. How is someone supposed to react to something like this, anyway?

    “Remember, it’s not her fault,” a groggy Leigh says, interrupting my staring. 

    “I liked you better when you were sleeping,” I say grouchily. 

    “You don’t have to be a bitch about it,” she fires back. “Sorry. I’m tired.”

    “I know. I’m sorry. I’m heartbroken,” I say dramatically. 

    “Look, I know it seems terrible right now, but remember: Jesy never does what management says. Do you really think she’s gonna start now?”

    “It seems like it.”

    “She just hasn’t thought of a way around it yet,” Leigh assures me. “She insisted she sit next to Jade on the flight so that the two of them could scheme. Figure out the legal parameters, uncover the secrets and such. I’m sure them two will have all of this sorted out by the time we touch down in America.”

     “How come we never get to scheme?” I ask Leigh, feeling a bit left out. 

    “I just don’t think we’re the type, babe. Jes and Jade are just… clever. Or maybe cunning is a better word. They just have a knack for this kind of stuff. You and I are too nice, and trusting. Too soft.” 

    “I guess that makes sense,” I say. She’s right. Thinking back, Jade’s trust took the longest to earn. And Jesy seems very open when you first meet her, but it took her the longest to open up to all of us. She’s very good at changing the subject, getting you to talk about yourself. I think about earlier today, when she stared Simon down. She kept going at him, baiting him, until she got the reaction she wanted. She didn’t take the bait when he got nasty, either. For as fiery as she can be, she’s got an incredible amount of restraint. 

    “I’m hopeless,” I tell Leigh, if only to keep from inner-monologuing about Jesy’s greatness again. I really am hopeless. 

    “Why do you say that?” She asks, turning her upper body to face me fully. 

    “I’m already in love. I can’t quit thinking about her. We’ve been sort of broken up for a few hours and I’m already certain life’s not worth living without her. I feel sick.”

   “You always have had a flare for the dramatic, babe,” Leigh says. 

    I glare it her. 

    “Alright. What can I do to make it better?” She asks.

    “Nothing. It’s ho-”

    “Hopeless, yeah, I know. But are you doing anything to make it less hopeless?”

    “What can I do? You just said that we’re not the scheming type,” I say.

    “So you’re just gonna leave Jesy to do all the work? Now that doesn’t seem fair, does it?” She says, cocking an eyebrow at me. 

    “Hmm,” I grumble, turning away from her. 

    “Okay, I’m going back to sleep. I need another couple hours before I can deal with you,” she says, putting her headphones back on. 

    “Maybe you should try and sleep too?” She says, much softer. “My mum always said that everything looked better after a good night’s sleep.” 

    I don’t know how I’m supposed to get a good night’s sleep on the plane, but I don’t tell Leigh-Anne that, since I can see that she’s making an effort to be nice, despite my being cross.

    “I’ll try,” I tell her. 

    She nods her head, then gives my hand a quick squeeze before curling up in her chair and shutting her eyes. 

    I steal one last glance at Jesy, watching her talk quietly with Jade, before grabbing my own headphones and searching through the in-flight movie collection, quickly settling on  _ Tangled _ . 

    At some point, I must fall asleep, because the next thing I know, the movie’s over and the lights have been switched off. I get up to use the restroom, stepping over a sleeping Leigh and walking the 6 or so steps to the first class bathroom and opening the door. Before I can really register what’s happening, I’m pushed into the bathroom and the door is clicked shut behind me. 

    “Hey,” She says softly, before I can even begin to panic.

    “He-hey,” I say, my voice wobbling as I meet her eyes in the mirror. I watch her wrap her arms around me in our reflection, feel her nose nuzzle my neck when I squeeze my eyes shut, trying unsuccessfully to keep my tears from falling. 

    “Jes, I’m a mess,” I say, my voice cracking. 

    “I know, babe. I’m so sorry,” she says, her own voice a little raspy. I can’t tell if it’s from sleep or sadness. 

    I turn in her arms, no longer content to watch her in the mirror. “What are we gonna do?”

    “I’m not sure. Jade and I haven’t got everything all figured out yet. We still don’t know why Simon’s so bent out of shape by all of this. But, we have figured out a way for you and I to spend a bit more time together,” She says. 

    “Well, that’ll do for now.” I say with a little laugh. 

    She responds in kind before planting a kiss on my lips. I cling to her tightly, trying to stay as close to her as possible. She doesn’t seem too keen on letting me go either, her arms wrapped tightly around my waist. I try to take it further, backing Jesy into the door, when I accidentally back her right into the sloped part of the ceiling, bashing her head into it. When she flinches, she accidentally bites my lip. Hard. 

    “Ow!” We say in unison, before laughing and tending to one another’s injuries. She quickly wets a towel for my swelling lip while bring my hand to the back of her head, attempting to shield it from further injury. 

    We must look quite the pair. I tell her as much and she laughs, pressing the cool cloth to my lips. With the way she’s looking at me, I can’t help but kiss her softly on the cheek, bloody lip and all. She chastises me, but it’s worth it. After a couple of moments of standing in silence, just looking at one another, I ask her what her big plan is for the two of us to see each other more often. 

    “Well, Jade and I were looking at our schedule, and it looks like at least 2 of the 4 of us have got adjoining hotels rooms in 3 of our first 5 cities. We couldn’t see past that, cause management hasn’t sent us the itinerary yet, but Jade said that, even if it’s not our rooms that adjoin, we can act like the four of us are having a sleepover and then Leigh and Jade can take one room while you and I take the other. As for our interviews and stuff, they can’t expect us not to flirt a little with one another. I flirt with the four of you in interviews all the time. If I stop suddenly, people will suspect something’s gone on. So, I’ll show you a little extra attention in interviews. Jade says I usually do anyway, but I’ll be doing it consciously this time. And if Simon makes a fuss about it, then we’ll know a little bit more as to his motivation.”

    “How?” I ask, confused. 

    “Well, Jade and I have worked up a couple theories. The most concerning one is the fact that, since our contract with Syco is up after we finish everything up with this album, Simon might be going after our reputation. If it looks like we’re fighting? We’re in major trouble. Too many rumours of a split, and no one else will take us on. We’ll have to stay with Syco.”

    “That makes too much sense,” I say quietly. 

    “I know,” She says, planting a kiss on my forehead before leaning her head on mine. 

    “What do we do about the boys?” I ask. 

    “Just make it clear you’re not interested. I doubt they’re looking for anything more than a little fame, anyway.”

    “You’re probably right,” I say. 

    Just then, there’s a knock at the door. 

    “Shit,” Jesy mumbles under her breath. 

    “Occupied,” I say, hoping the person at the door will go away. 

    “Just letting you know we’ll be hitting a patch of turbulence momentarily. Please return to your seat as soon as possible,” the flight attendant says. 

    “Thank you,” I say, letting out a little breath I didn’t know I’d been holding. 

    “If you need to tell me something, airdrop a note from Leigh’s phone to Jade’s. They might check our texts, and may even have someone watching your phone and mine, but I doubt they’ve thought of checking airdrop. Especially on Leigh and Jade’s phones.”

    “You’re a genius,” I say, leaning in for one last kiss despite my ever-swelling lip. 

    She quickly returns the kiss before letting out a little laugh. 

    “I’m just sneaky, babe,” she says. “We’ll talk tonight, okay? Well, after we’re done.”

    “After we’re done what?” 

    “Getting shitfaced. We promised Leigh, remember?”

    “I don’t know whether to be excited or scared,” I say, remembering my last hangover. “No tequila.” 

    She laughs. “Alright, no tequila. Now, go back to your seat. I’ll be out in a minute.”

    “Unlike you, I came to the bathroom because I actually need to use it. Not to chase my poor, unsuspecting girlfriend,” I say, a little nervous once I realize I let the G-word slip.”

    She just smiles. “Alright, then. Guess I’ll go back to my seat, hoping my girlfriend gets back in time to not get bounced out the plane by turbulence.” 

    “Hush, you,” I say, stealing one more kiss before she unlocks the door and heads back to her seat. I quickly finish up, making it back to my seat before any major turbulence starts, but only just. The plane starts shaking something awful before I can even get my seatbelt on, waking up pretty much everyone. This goes on intermittently over the next couple of minutes, before the pilot comes across the speaker and lets us know we should be smooth sailing for the next bit of our journey. 

    “Well, you’re in a much better mood than I remember,” Leigh says raspily, giving me a small smile. 

    “I had a little… surprise in the restroom while you were asleep,” I say cheekily. 

    She looks at me, a little shocked. 

    “Tell me you didn’t…” 

    “Didn’t what?” I say now, a little confused. 

    “Join the mile high club! If both you and Jesy beat me to it, I’m gonna be-”

    “We didn’t!” I squeak out, my jaw nearly to the floor. 

    “Then why have you got such an Angelina Jolie lip?” 

    “Cause we was kissin’ and I accidentally bashed Jesy’s head against the ceiling and when she flinched she bit my lip,” I say very quickly, in a rush to get the mildly embarrassing story out. 

    Leigh laughs loud enough to attract the attention of everyone around us, including Jesy and Jade. Jes looks a me confusedly until I point at my lip and shrug. She nods her head, laughing lightly, before she turns to tell Jade our story. Jade just shakes her head and smiles, telling Leigh, who’s still carrying on, to  _ hush unless you want me to tell the whole plane what happened the last time I stayed ‘round yours. _

    Leigh’s laughter ceases immediately, all the joy sucked from her expression.

    “What kind of dirt has Jade got on you?” I ask with a laugh.

    “We’re not talking about it,” She says lowly, shaking her head. 

    I just laugh, and she jumps in to some story about something Harvey did the other day. I’m listening at the start, but Leigh is notorious for giving too much boring backstory, so I go back to my new favorite past-time: looking at Jesy. She looks a lot less stressed than she did this morning. I guess the forced separation was harder on her than I realized. Jesy’s a little better at hiding her emotions than I am. She’s just a touch more controlled. She looks blissfully free now, laughing at whatever Jade is saying. This time, when she catches me staring, she gives me a little wink. 

    I can’t help but sigh in response. 

    “Wow, you two are sickly sweet,” Leigh says, rolling her eyes. 

    “I’m smitten,” I admit, grinning. 

    “I’m so happy for you two, Pez. I really am,” She says sincerely, smiling at me. “I was beginning to worry, you know.”

    “About what?” I ask. 

    “You. Jes too, but mostly you.”

    “Why mostly me?” I ask, maybe a little offended. 

    “Well, it’s been a while since you’ve been in a serious relationship. I just want you to be happy, you know? And I was just worried that you, I don’t know. That you wouldn’t open yourself up again after that last idiot. And you’re so warm and fuzzy, Pezza. You just  _ deserve _ so much love.”

    “Thanks, Leigh,” I say softly. “I love you.”

    “Love you too, Pez,” She says, giving me a hug. Well, sort of. It’s hard because of the seats we’re in, but the intent is there. 

    We spend the last 35 or so minutes of the flight chatting back and forth, occasionally shouting across the aisle at Jade and Jes. Before I know it, the pilot is welcoming us to New York, where it’s currently a cool 60 degrees and cloudy. If it weren’t for all of the skyscrapers and the lack of a huge ferris wheel, I’d think I never left London. 

    We’re bombarded with cameras the moment we get off the plane. Even with the whole  _ #Pesy _ thing, none of us, nor our security team, expected this many paps. We mostly keep our heads down, only looking up to greet a fan here and there. Soon, we’re herded into a black Escalade, with our security trailing behind in a black town car. Leigh, Jes and I taking the middle row of seats while Jade hops into the back. 

    “Why do I always have to sit in the back?” Jade asks, her accent seemingly thicker since we touched down in America. 

    “I get car sick in the back!” Leigh says.

    “I just wanted to sit by Jes,” I say, grabbing her hand.

    “And I don’t sit in the back,” Jesy says, as if that’s a good enough excuse. 

    “Whatever,” Jade says grumpily. 

    Jesy and I lean into each other at the same time, accidentally knocking heads. 

    “Ow,” We say in unison, before we bust up laughing. 

    “Seems like all we can do today is injure one another,” Jesy says. She lays her head on my shoulder, slower this time, wrapping her right arm around my left one. I lay my head on top of hers, utterly content. 

    “Yous make me sick,” Jade says from the back seat, but I can hear in her voice that she’s smiling. 

    “Oh, Sod off,” Jesy says, snuggling into me. 

    I just laugh. 

    Jesy somehow manages to doze off on me in a matter of minutes, despite the less than smooth car ride on the bumpy New York streets. Leigh follows soon after. After a few minutes of riding in silence, Jade softly clears her throat.

    “She stayed awake the whole night, you know,” she says quietly. 

    “Eh?” I say, turning back to look at her as best as I can without disturbing the redhead napping on my shoulder. 

    “Jesy didn’t sleep the whole night on the plane. She was up plotting, trying to figure something out. And waiting for you to get up, I presume. She was watching you sleep when I fell asleep, and then when I woke up, she was gone, having her little washroom rendezvous with you. She really cares about you, Perrie.”

    Somehow, my heart’s just made room for more love for the girl beside me. I can’t help but drop a kiss on the crown of her head. 

    “I really care about her too,” I say, laying my head back on hers. I stay that way, just enjoying the feeling of her being close, until we pull up to the hotel. 

    “Enjoy your time in New York, ladies,” the driver says once he opens the partition. 

    “Thank you!” I say, nudging Jesy awake. 

    She groans. 

    “Come on, we’ve got to get out of the car,” I say softly, my lips at her temple. 

    “Don’ wanna,” Jesy mumbles, licking her lips before smacking them together. 

    “Jes! Leigh! We’re ‘ere. Get up!” Jade yells, shaking them both by the shoulder over the top of the seat. “I wanna lay in an actual bed, catch up on some sleep before we go out tonight!”

    “Going out? Wait, Going out!” Leigh says, first confused, then excited. “Jes, let’s go!” She yells, clicking off her seatbelt and jumping through the suddenly open door, trying to pull Jesy along with her. Jes groans again, but follows Leigh out the door. I exit out behind her, while Jade jumps over the seat and then crawls through the door behind me.  

    We get checked in with little fuss, our security stopping the paparazzi at the door, before retrieving our bags from the van. Within 15 minutes, we’re all in my room, bags dumped inside the door, discussing whether it’s worth it to try and get a nap in, or if we should just stick it out until tonight. 

    Leigh thinks we should do a bit of shopping before we go out, but Jesy is insisting on a long nap. The two of them bicker a bit before Jade, ever the planner, decides that we’ll try and grab a nap first, because we have “plenty of time”, and then hit the shoppes after. Jesy grabs my hand, pulling me over to the bed next to the air conditioner before curling up on top of the blankets and falling asleep nearly immediately. She looks so small when she sleeps, knees tucked up-

    “Pez, quit looking at Jes and go to sleep,” Leigh orders. “We’ve got quite the night ahead of us.” 

    So, taking one last look, I wrap myself around Jesy, and do just what Leigh says. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me a bit to get this one out. I know it's shorter than some of the others as well, but school's started again, so I'm insanely busy.   
> This chapter was mostly just getting things figured out. Sorta. I hope I didn't bore you to death.   
> If you loved/hated/liked/felt indifferent toward this chapter, come say hi on tumblr at 16sydd16 !! I post updates over there, along with a lot of LM stuff.   
> Or if tumblr's not your thing, leave me a comment here! That works too lol  
> I know I'm kind of a cheeseball. This chapter is just a lot of Perrie intermonologuing about Jesy. Sorry not sorry.   
> Have a great week, and I'll hopefully be back with another chapter soon!  
> xx   
> sydd


	7. One Brick at a Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shopping and make-outs and fake boyfriends oh my!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!!:)

    We get maybe 4 hours of sleep before Leigh can’t wait anymore and she drags us out to shop before our night out. We’re all in jumpers and sweats of some sort, but we still get recognized more than we expected, especially in America. Once we’ve entered the shoppes it’s not so bad, but we can’t take 10 steps in the passageways without hearing whispers of  _ “Is that...? Do you think it’s really them? That’s definitely the redheaded one… _ ”

    We’re happy to meet and greet the fans, but eventually Jade suggest we split two and two, in the hopes that we can actually get some shopping done without being flagged down every other minute. Leigh claims Jesy as her shopping partner so quickly that I’m almost offended. 

    “Tired of me already, are ya Leigh?”

    “No! Of course not. But... you like fringe. And, I haven’t had the opportunity to grill Jes about your relationship yet,” she says with a smile.

    “Oh, joy,” Jesy grumbles. “You know I _ love _ shopping.”

    “Well, I wanted Jade! But I can’t have her, cause we can’t leave you and Pez alone together. So, suck it up.”

    “Alright,” Jesy grumbles. “But I’m not carrying your bags, little miss  _ I carry my own now. _ ”

    “They could fight forever,” Jade whispers. “I want to go to Gucci. Whaddya say?”

    “Let’s go.”

    Jesy and Leigh are still bickering quietly as we walk away. 

    Jade picks up some sunglasses and a bag at the Gucci store, and then we just sort of wander here and there, grabbing shoes, bags, clothes, and eventually food. I settle on a pair of tastefully tatty black jeans, but can’t seem to find a top. Jade found a white shift dress with a plunging neckline on our second stop without Jes and Leigh, so she’s just humouring me at this point. Eventually, she just throws me in a dressing room and keeps bringing me things. Everything she picks out is cute, but it’s just not… right. 

    “I wanna look hot,” I yell from behind the curtain. 

    “Well, why didn’t you say so? I thought we were going for middle aged mom,” She says sarcastically. “You know you could wear a t-shirt and Jes would still think you’re gorg, right?”

    “Who said this was about Jesy?” I say, though that’s exactly what it’s about. 

    “You haven’t been this picky about an outfit in years,” Jade says. “I’m going back out to look. See you in a min.”

    I settle myself on the dressing room chair with a huff, checking my instagram until a text from Leigh pops up. 

_ Jesy says she’s done shopping. We’ve both got all we need for tonight. Are you and Jade about ready? _

    I throw my phone into a pile of clothes in the corner in frustration. I’ve just retrieved it when I hear Jade rush back into the dressing room. 

    “I’ve got it! I found the one!” She yells throwing open the curtain. “Put it on.” 

    “Jade, this is just a bra.”

    “And?”

    “You’re right,” I say, slipping on the sort-of top. It’s a black corset, with lots of lace and essentially nothing else. Normally I wouldn’t do black on black, but-

    “That’s the one,” Jade says definitively, poking her head into the dressing room. 

    “You didn’t want to knock, or…?”

    “I’ve seen more of you and Leigh and Jes than I ever have of anyone else that I wasn’t sleeping with. And even then-”

    “Alright, point taken. You really think it’s the one?” I ask, smoothing out the fabric though it doesn’t need smoothing. 

    “It definitely is. Black on black is a bold move, and your boobs look great.”

    “Thanks, babe,” I say, looking in the mirror once more. “Leigh texted me a minute ago, and she and Jes are done. Are you ready to go?”

    “I’ve been ready since we finished eating. I’ve already got my outfit, remember?” Jade says, giving me a look.

    “Text Leigh then, will ya?” I ask, changing back in to my t-shirt.

    “Already done. They want us to meet them by the Louis Vuitton store. Jes says that’s where the car will be.”

    “Perfect.”

    We get out of the store soon after, but not before Jade talks me into a pair of earrings by the register. I’ve already spent more money than I told myself I would, so what’s a little more?

    It takes all the restraint I have not to plant one on Jesy as soon as I see her, but I manage to hold off until we’re in the car.

    But only just. As soon as the doors are closed, I pull her to me, kissing her soundly.

    “What was that for?” Jes says with a smile. 

    “I just missed you s’all,” I say, pecking another kiss to her cheek before snuggling into her side. 

    I pretend not to notice Jade’s gagging noises in the background. 

    “Mmh,” Jesy hums contentedly, knotting my fingers with hers and planting little kisses to my temple. 

    We carry on the rest of the car ride, exchanging whispers and kisses and giggles, just happy to be able to show our affection. 

    “Nearly there, girls,” the driver says through the little gap in the partition. 

    “Thank God,” Jade mumbles, but I catch the little smile on her face. 

    “Oh, shut it, you,” I say, kissing Jesy’s cheek once more before putting some distance between us. She gives me a little smile in understanding, but averts her eyes. 

    She won’t let go of my hand until the doors open. 

    We go in the front entrance this time, greeting the fans still camped outside the hotel, taking selfies and giving hugs and chatting for a good half an hour, until everyone’s gotten what they came for. Leigh tries to whisk Jesy away once we’re inside, claiming she needs help with her hair. 

    “Don’t you want Jade for that?” Jesy says unenthusiastically.

    “Well, yeah. But I don’t want Pez to see you in your outfit yet. I want a cinderella moment!” 

    “Am I really that awful lookin’ now?” 

    “Jesyyyyy. You know that’s not what I meant! I-”

    “Yeah, I know. Why don’t we all do our hair together and then we’ll split off, okay?” Jesy asks Leigh. 

    “Alright,” she concedes, making her way to our joint rooms. 

    Leigh immediately digs her speaker out of her bag and pops on an R&B playlist while Jade goes looking for something in the other room. She comes back with several tiny bottles of various liquors, placing them on the coffee table before raiding the mini fridge in this room as well. 

    “What shall I order as mixers?” She asks, stacking the remaining bottles on the coffee table. 

    “Tonic.”

    “Coke.”

    “Cranberry Juice.”

    Jesy, me, and Leigh all say at the same time. 

    “Alright. I’m gettin’ ginger ale too,” She says, grabbing the hotel phone. 

    Jes and I are cuddled up on the couch when the doorbell rings. I think she’s supposed to be braiding my hair, but she hasn’t done anything but run her hands through it and give it a little tug when I bite her bottom lip. 

    Not that I’m complaining. 

    “Hey, Juliet and Juliet, could one of ya get that? I’m a little busy ‘ere,” Jade says, both her hands tied up in Leigh’s hair. 

    “I’ve got it,” Jesy says, planting a quick kiss to the back of the hand she’s holding before letting it go and rushing over to the door. I just stare after her, what I’m sure is a big, goofy grin plastered on my face. 

    “Oi, Pezza, you’ve got it  _ bad _ ,” Leigh says. 

    “I really have, haven’t I?” I say with a grin. 

    “Yous are so cute that I may actually vomit,” Jade says with a laugh. “I know I pretend to be put off, but I really am happy for you.”

    “Thanks, Jadey,” I say, smiling. Jesy comes back into view, somehow balancing two two-litres, a pitcher with the juice, a small bottle of tonic, a lemon, and a bucket of ice. 

    “Lemme help you, babe,” I say, grabbing for the pitcher, the Coke, and the ice.

    “Thanks, love,” she says, stacking our spoils around the liquor. “What’ll you have?”

    “Just a Jack and Coke,” I say. 

    “Not feeling adventurous, huh?” She says with a laugh. 

    “I’m touring in America with my best friends and my girlfriend. That’s enough adventure for now,” I say. 

    “Fair enough,” She says, smiling. 

    “I’ll have a gin and ginger,” Jade says, interrupting our little moment. 

    “Sure thing, Jadey. Leigh?”

    “Vodka cran please, Jesy.” 

    “Alright.”

    Jesy gets to work making the drinks, and I sit on the couch and stare at her until Jade asks me to come and “be helpful”, which translates to “fix the rest of Leigh’s hair cause me arms are tired.” I don’t mind, cause Jade’s done most of the hard work anyway, and I finish up in about 10 minutes. Jes hands me my drink with a kiss before Leigh whisks her in to the connecting room to get ready. 

    Jade gives her hair a little tousle before calling it “good enough”, and then helps me curl my stick-straight hair into loose waves. It looks maybe half as good as hers by the time she declares it finished, even though it took 10x as much work, but Jade’s got the hair of a goddess, and I’ll take what I can get. 

    She’s much better than I am at makeup, so I just sit and wait while she does her own. I add a little extra highlighter to her face at the end, so I can have done something, and she thanks me. 

    We’re casually chatting about this and that while she smokes out my eyeliner when she asks a question I’m definitely not prepared to answer. 

    “Have you and Jes done the naughty-naughty yet?” She asks with a grin. 

    “Jade!” I squeak, my Geordie coming through in my nervousness. 

    “What, you thought that since you’re dating Jes you’d be able to get out of this now? Not a chance!”

    “I’m mortified,” I say, reaching to cover my eyes when Jade smacks my hand away. 

    “Don’t mess up your shadow! I used a cream, it needs time to set.” 

     I don’t say anything. 

    “I’m going to guess that’s a no, then. You know I’m just teasing you, right Pez?”

    “Yeah, I know. But now you’ve got me thinking about it. Jade…” I trail off. 

    “Yes, Perrie?”

    “I don’t know.” 

    “Are you nervous cause it’s your first time with a girl, or cause it’s your first time with her?”

    “Both, I guess. I just feel like there’s so much I don’t know,” I admit. 

    “It’ll be alright, pet. Just talk to her. You two will figure it out,” Jade says reassuringly. 

    “Thanks, Jadey.” 

    “Anytime. Now, can you handle your own lipstick, or do you need me to do that as well?”

 

We quickly finish getting ready, fussing with our hair and adjusting our outfits right up until 9:00, when Leigh wanted to leave. 

    I hear a shout of “Jes, come on!” before the knob turns and Leigh pokes her head in the door. 

    “Are you two ready?” 

    “As we’ll ever be,” Jade says, slipping the lipgloss she’s wearing into her clutch. “Where’s Jes?”

    “Leigh won’t let me come to the door yet,” she says with a grumble. 

    “Cinderella moment, remember?” She yells back, exasperated. 

    I hear a grumble of  _ Whatever  _ before Leigh clears her throat and puts on a manly accent. 

    “Now presenting: Jessica Nelson, of Romford, in Essex.”

    Jesy’s rolling her gorgeous green eyes when I finally catch sight of her. 

    She’s in a red lace corset, stiletto boots, and the tightest jeans I think I’ve ever seen.

    “Wow,” she and I say in unison, followed by lots of laughing. 

    “Guess we had the same idea, eh?” I say, gesturing to her corset and then mine. 

    “Actually, Leigh, picked this out for me.”

    “Jade picked this out, too,” I say with a giggle. 

    “Guess they had the same idea then, huh?” She says, smiling. 

    “It was a great idea,” I say semi-seriously, before leaning in. Her lips meet mine quickly, her top lip slanting over my bottom one, before she runs her tongue along my lip. I quickly open my mouth to her, my tongue meeting hers-

    “Hello!” Jade yells. We spring apart, a little guilty. 

    “Sorry,” I say, offering a little cringe as an apology. 

    “Let’s just go. You’re lips aren’t nude anymore, by the way.”

    “I don’t mind,” I say, smiling at Jesy. She gives me one last peck with her red lips before following Jade out the door. 

 

    We make it to the club at about 10:00 because of the traffic, and though I’m happy to have arrived, I’m a little sad I’ll have to go back to pretending Jes and I are just friends. Still, I’m happy to have a night out with the girls before everything gets crazy again. Jes and Jade hit the dancefloor immediately upon entering the club, but Leigh and I decide we need another drink or two first. We head over to the bar, chatting about the plan for tomorrow when Jade comes over to us, looking a bit worried. 

    “What’s wrong?” I ask, concerned. 

    “Jesy’s boyfriend is here. And yours is coming,” she says grimly. 

    I look over to see Jesy chatting with a boy that looks vaguely familiar. She’s smiling, but I can tell she’s stressed by the way she’s tugging at the ends of her hair. 

    Whatever good mood I had is gone now. 

    I feel a tap at my shoulder. “‘Scuse me, are you Perrie?”

    “That’s me,” I say, turning to greet the average height, decently attractive blond boy behind me. 

    “Hi, I’m Christian,” he says with a kind smile. 

    “Hello, Christian,” I say, giving a small smile back. “Listen, you should know-”

    “That you’re not interested? Yeah, the redhead on my way in made that pretty clear,” He says with a laugh. 

    I can’t help but laugh back. “Glad she cleared that up.”

    “Listen, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, or anything. So you just let me know how far is too far, and I’ll stay well behind that line, okay?”

    “Thank you, Christian,” I say, relieved that he seems to be a nice boy with respect for boundaries. 

    “Is the one with the tatts gonna glare daggers at me all night?” He asks with a nervous laugh. 

    “Probably,” I say seriously, before giving him a small smile. “Tonight was girls night, and you and your friend over there-” I say, pointing to the guy Jesy is with, “-interrupted that. Also, she probably thinks you’re gonna be an asshole, because management picked you, and she doesn’t take kindly to people being mean to her girlf- to her girls.” I say, hoping he didn’t catch my little slip. It’s clear from the look on his face that he did, but he’s nice enough not to say anything. 

    “Maybe we can go over and talk to her, then? Show her I’m not trying to be mean to you?” He says.

    “That’s probably best,” I say, grabbing his upper arm to pull him over to Jesy. 

    She’s laughing at something her guy says when we get there, and I can’t help but feel a little jealous. 

    “Hey, babe,” I say, giving her bum a quick squeeze before quickly pulling my hand away and acting like nothing happened. 

    “Hi,” She says with a grin, giving me a wink. “Pezza, this is Mychal. Mychal, this is Perrie.” 

    “Nice to meet you, Perrie. Christian, good to see you again, man.”

    “Likewise, Mychal.”

    “You two know each other?” Jesy asks

    “Yeah, Mych and I both play football, and we have the same agent. We run into each other from time to time.”

    “Literally,” Mychal says, laughing. Christian laughs back. Jes and I each give a little laugh as well, though I’m sure it’s clear to the boys that we don’t really get the joke. 

    “Do either of you watch any football?” Christian asks Jes and I, though I’m pretty sure he knows the answer. 

    “Not American football,” Jesy admits. 

    “Wait, is there a difference between your football and ours?” I ask. 

    “Yeah, the ball is lemon-shaped. And they play it with their hands,” Jesy tells me. 

    “Now, that doesn’t make much sense, does it?” I ask with a laugh. 

    Christian laughs. “We play with our feet sometimes, too. But yeah, mostly we run around with the ball and tackle each other.”

    “Oh, like our rugby?” I ask, still confused. 

    “Sort of. We play rugby here, too. If soccer- er, your “football”- and rugby had a baby, it would be our football.” Mychal says.

    “I still don’t get it,” I say, confused. 

    Jes laughs. “Don’t worry about it, babe. Poor Mychal ‘ere’s been trying to explain it to me for the last 5 minutes.”

    “It’s no trouble, really,” Mychal says with a grin. “Would either of you ladies like a drink? I’m a little thirsty.”

    In the confusion that was meeting Christian, I forgot to get my drink from the barmaid. Looks like Jade’s enjoying it, though. 

    “Will you grab me a vodka tonic? Oh, and Pez likes Jack and Coke.”

    “Sure thing,” Mychal says with a smile. 

    “I’ll help you carry those drinks back,” Christian offers. Mychal nods his thanks, and then motions for Christian to follow him. 

    “Your guy seems nice,” I say. 

    “Yours too. And cute,” Jesy says. 

    “I hadn’t noticed. Too distracted by the gorgeous ginger in the red-top, if I’m honest,” I say, like I’m admitting some big secret. 

    “Good to hear,” Jesy says with a smile. “I, myself, can’t keep my eyes off the gorgeous blonde with the bright blue eyes.”

    “Good to hear,” I mimic, unable to keep a toothy grin from spreading across my face. Jesy leans in to whisper something in my ear.

    “I’d really like to kiss you right now. Among other things…” she says, giving my earlobe a tug with her teeth as she pulls away. 

    “I mean, there is a bathroom…” I say lowly.

    “As much as I want to, looks like the boys have our drinks. They’ll be on the way back soon. We should probably talk about how far we’ll let them go. They know we’re not interested, and Mychal said he already knew this was for publicity-”

    “Christian seems to know too,” I say.

    “Good,” Jes says. Then she hesitates. 

    “Out with it.”

    “We’re gonna have to show a little PDA for Syco,” she says. 

    “I know,” I grumble. “But I don’t want Mychal to touch you at all.”

    “That’s gonna be a little hard, babe. How about this: we do a little dancing, a little arm-grabbing, and then end the night with a friendly kiss on the cheek. Nothing more. Can you handle that?” Jesy ask seriously. 

    “I think so. But if Mychal gets too close, I’ll have to kill him.”

    “Good to know,” Mychal says from behind me with a laugh. 

    “I don’t like people touching my girlf- my girl,” I say, flubbing up for the second time tonight. 

    “And I don’t like people touching my man,” Mychal says with a smile. 

    “The two of you…?” I trail of. 

    “Yeah. The two of you?” Christian asks. 

    “Yeah,” I answer. “The label doesn’t want us together. Apparently, the “straight males” won’t like it.”

    “From what I understand about straight males, which is not a lot, that is completely untrue,” Christian says with a laugh. 

    “Yeah, that’s bullshit,” Mychal chuckles. 

    “We know,” Jes and I say in unison. “Why are you boys being locked in the closet?” 

    “We play football. And there’s this idea that manly, sports-playing men have to be straight, even though sexuality has nothing to do with it,” Christian says. “We’re both bi, but no one seems to care about the fact that you like women if you also like dudes.”

    “Right?” I say. “We’re bi as well, and though we’ve both been engaged to men, the label doesn’t care.”

    “Yeah, biphobia is kinda the worst,” Mychal says. 

    “Agreed,” Jesy says. “Now, Pez and I have discussed some planned PDA for tonight. Shall we discuss boundaries and then have a little dance?”

    “I’d love nothing more,” Mychal says. 

    The rest of the night passes without much incident. The boys are quite fun to be around, and we let ourselves loosen up after we realize they aren’t a threat. After quite a bit of dancing, each fake couple makes sure to take a little walk and get papped giving cheek kisses and holding hands. 

    Around 1am, we all decide to call it quits, and we set off in search of Jade and Leigh. They were dancing on the table an hour ago, so they must be silly drunk by now. The boys are kind enough to help us get our friends back to our car before they leave for the night in cars of their own. 

   As soon as the door shuts behind us, Jesy’s mouth is on mine. I’m eagerly responding, plunging my tongue into her mouth, feeling her moan around it, which spurs on a moan of my own. She pushes me down until I’m laying flat across the seat, her straddling me. I wrap my arms around her neck, tangling my hands in her hair, pulling her closer, closer,  _ closer  _ to me. I give her hair a little tug and she whimpers, so I tug harder. She bites my lip a little too hard, running her tongue over it gently when I give a small whimper of my own. My hands start to travel lower without my giving them permission, slipping themselves into the back pocket of Jesy’s too-tight jeans, when I hear a wolf whistle. 

    “You know, I’m drunk enough that I think I’m enjoying this,” I hear Leigh say with a giggle. Jesy jumps off me immediately. Or she tries, anyway. She hits her head on the roof of the car and falls back onto me, ungracefully. Not that I mind. 

    “Hi,” I whisper, her face close to mine once more.

    “Hello,” she whispers back, biting her lip. I can’t help leaning in once more. 

    “Alright, well, I’m not drunk enough for this, so if yous could quit now, I’d be grateful.” 

    “Sorry, Jadey,” Jesy says, getting off of me more carefully this time. Once we’re both sat up, I pull her to me again, tucking her into my side. She lays her head on me, and I can’t get enough of the feel of her cheek on my bare shoulder. Soon enough she’s softly snoring, worn out by the dancing and sleepy from all of the drinks. 

    Before long, her head falls to my lap. I’m not exactly complaining, as this position gives me a much better view of her pretty face. I trace her features with my eyes, and then, when I can’t resist it any longer, with my fingers. I start with her hairline, her ears, her always overlined lips- I can’t help but be excited about how their color has changed from spending so much time pressed to mine. They started out the night a bright red, but have become a washed-out brown color from all the times they’ve met my own nude painted lips. 

    Once I’ve finished tracing her features, I settle for running my hands through her wavy hair. When I glance up for the first time since we entered the car, I see a smiling Jade watching me. 

    “What do you look so happy for?” I ask with a laugh. 

     “Just ‘appy to see you happy, I guess,” she grins. “I doubted you two at first, you know. Well, I doubted Jes,” she corrects.

    “Why?” I ask. 

    “Jesy easily becomes infatuated,” Jade reminds me. “She’s like a boy, always looking for the next best thing. I was worried she’d hurt you.” 

    “And now?” I ask, hopeful. 

    “I’ve never seen her like this. She didn’t take her eyes off of you the whole night. She’s positively taken with you, Pez. I know it’s only been, what, a couple ‘a weeks? But she’s in it for the long hall. I can just tell. She’s in love with you, Pez. A part of me wonders if she always has been.”

    “What do you mean by that?” I ask, suddenly curious. 

    “When she wakes up, ask her. Well, when she wakes up in the morning. Don’t interrogate the girl when she wakes up from her little car nap. She’s still half drunk, poor thing,” Jade says. 

    “Oh, I’ve got other plans for tonight anyway,” I say, smiling. 

    “You kinky little thing. Keep it down, yeah? Leigh and I will be right next door,” She says, only half kidding.

    “Ah, Leigh can sleep through anything,” I say, gesturing to the currently sleeping girl passed out next to Jade.

    “Here we are, ladies,” the driver says through the call box, interrupting our little conversation. 

    “Thank you, sir,” Jade says, pushing the little call button next to her.

    “No problem. I’m to take you to the freight entrance, correct?” The voice asks. 

    “Yes, sir.”

    Within a minute or so, the car rolls to a stop. Jesy wakes up at the sudden lack of motion, but Leigh is still dead to the world. For the second time tonight, I leave Jade to deal with her.

    “Hiya, babe,” I say softly, still stroking Jesy’s hair. 

    “Where’r we?” She asks sleepily.

    “Almost back to the hotel, love.” 

    “Mmh,” She says, closing her eyes again.

    “Come on, babe. We’ve got to get out the car soon. You can go right back to sleep once we make it back to our room.”

    “What if I don’t want to sleep?” She asks with a grin. 

    “I suppose I could think of a few other things to do to occupy our time…” I say nonchalantly, unable to keep a grin rom spreading across my face. She just laughs, hiding her face in my corset-covered torso for a moment. I continue to stroke her hair, giving a little yelp when she presses her lips to my lace-draped stomach. She grins up at me, and I’m sure I must be red by now by the way she laughs once her gaze meets mine.

She always knows how to keep me on my toes, this one. 

    “You guys coming or what?” A drowsy-looking Leigh says, and for the first time, I notice that the car door is open and we’re the only one’s still inside. 

    “We’re coming, we’re coming,” Jesy tells her, moving off of me and toward the door. I miss her warmth immediately, but I’m not left without it for long. She grabs my hand as soon as we’ve entered the service elevator. I give her a soft smile.

    For all of Jesy’s talk in the car, I’m expecting a little more than a goodnight kiss. Alas, a good night kiss is all I recieve. But the next morning…

    Let’s just say Jade and Leigh saw a bit more than they bargained for. 

   Wait, that makes it sound like we finally slept together. And we very well may have, if Leigh hadn’t thrown the door open unannounced. 

    “Rise and shine, sleepy he- ah!” 

    “Leigh!” Jesy barks, always sounding a little more Essex when she shouts. “You didn’t think to knock?”

    “Well, I- I just didn’t think, okay?” She says, shielding her eyes. Jes and I have both got our tops off. It’s nothing that Leigh hasn’t seen before. Then again, I suppose she’s never seen us in this context. I quickly snag Jesy’s t-shirt, throwing it over my head before handing her mine. She gives me a little smile, suddenly shy, and slips the shirt on.

    “We’re all covered up now, Leigh Leigh,” I say with a laugh. I guess I should be embarrassed, but I’m too happy. 

    Leigh slowly peeks between her fingers, dropping her hand with a sigh of relief once she sees we’re clothed. 

    “I can’t remember why I came in here,” She says, shaking her head. “I’ve forgot.” 

    I can’t help but laugh again. “It’s alright, you’ve had quite a shock.”

    “Jade?” Leigh yells into the adjoining room. “What did I come in here for?”

    “To wake Pez and Jes. I warned you to knock, but-”

    “You did not!” Leigh shouts. 

    “Okay, maybe I didn’t,” Jade laughs deviously. 

    We all look at her.

    “What? I thought it’s be funny.”

    “It kinda was-” I start.

    “It wasn’t,” Leigh says resolutely. 

    “Jes?” Jade asks, as if Jesy’s the authority on everything funny. Or maybe as a sort of apology. It was a little far for a joke, even for Jade.

    “It was sort-of funny,” Jesy says, letting a small grin cross her lips. 

    Leigh Anne huffs. “Well, I’m glad you’ve all had such a lovely morning. It’s 9am, and I already need a drink!”

    I start to laugh at the ridiculousness of this whole morning, Jes and Jade joining in shortly after. Even Leigh can help but join in by the end. 

    “If you were serious, they’ve restocked the minibar,” Jade says once our constant laughter turns to the odd giggle. 

    “Think I’m alright now. Plus, we’ve a meeting at one. Simon’s already pissed at them two, wouldn’t want to show up drunk.”

    At the mention of Simon, all the lightness is sucked out of the room. 

    “You sure know how to kill a mood, don’t you, Leigh Anne?” Jesy says grumpily. That’s two moods Leigh’s killed this morning. 

    “Sorry babe, think I’m still frazzled,” Leigh responds. “Why don’t we go for lunch first, hmm? It’s our last few hours where our schedule isn’t filled to the brim.”

    “Can we order in?” I ask, absentmindedly playing with Jesy’s fingers that are tucked in mine. “I don’t much feel like gettin’ out of bed. 

    “Sure thing, Pezza. I’ll go grab that folder of takeout menus,” Leigh says, running back to her and Jade’s room. 

    “I’m sorry if me little prank was too far,” Jade says sheepishly. 

    “Oh, it’s no big deal, darlin’,” Jesy says, a little sad. 

    “Jade, I can’t find them!”

    “Have you even looked? You just left the room!” Jade yells back, already on her way to help.

    “You alright, baba?” I ask, tilting Jesy’s chin up with my finger so we're eye to eye.

    “I’m just tired of acting is all. It’s only been a couple days, and I’m already going mad having to practically ignore you in public. Not to mention, I was right jealous of Christian last night," she admits.

    “I know what you mean,” I say. “You dancing with Mychal nearly killed’ me.”

    She lays her head on my shoulder. “I just hope we don’t have to keep this up much longer.”

    “I hope so too, babe. I hope so too.” 

    “Found them!” Leigh-Anne yells as she bursts into the room, interrupting yet another moment between Jes and I.

    “Leigh-ANNE!” Jesy yells for the second time today.

    “Oh, what have I done this time?” She whines. 

    “Nothing, Leigh. I’m just messing with you,” Jesy says convincingly, snuggling closer to me. It’s not like Leigh needs to know what we’re talking about anyway.  “Now, let’s have a look at those menus! I’m starved!”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a little sad, but mostly cute. Also, I went on a bit of a rant about biphobia, but someone's got to, right?   
> Football players mentioned are based on single football players I found on a list of the NFL's 25 hottest players. I have no idea as to their sexuality- I didn't even know their names until Wednesday, also it's none of my business- but it's not like it matters anyway, cause this is fanfic! woo!   
> I feel like not a lot happened this chapter, but rest assured, we're coming up on some big stuff.  
> Oh, and I deffo didn't proofread this, even the tiniest bit, so sorry in advance.   
> I'm back at school full time now, so if you wondered why the updates have been coming a bit slower, that's why. I've written soooo many things this week that I did not want to write, and only had time to update this cause I didn't sleep and I bailed on my social plans. woo.   
> Anyway, I hope you guys are enjoying the story so far!! Let me know what you think, either in the comments here or at 16sydd16 on Tumblr! Or even leave some kudos. I jump for joy every time AO3 sends me a "you have kudos" email:)  
> Seriously guys, thank you so much for reading this fic. It was meant to be a little one-off, and now we're coming up on 30k words.   
> I appreciate you all<3  
> xx  
> sydd


	8. (we watched it fall)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our lovers have a little heart to heart before going head to head. Buckle up, boys and girls. It's only the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And finally, another update!   
> Enjoy!

    We quickly give up on trying to order everything from the same place, and eventually place orders to three different restaurants. After we’ve eaten,  Leigh decides to phone Andre in her room, and Jade says she wants a dip in the pool, so it’s just me and Jes once again. I’m not sure how long we talk about this and that before I finally get the courage to ask her about what Jade said. 

    “Y’alright?” I ask first, squeezing the hand joined with mine. 

    “Yeah. Just thinkin’,” she says, giving me a little smile. 

    “Can I ask you something?”

    “Of course, babe,” she responds. “Is everything okay?”

    “Yeah, everything’s fine! Well, fine as it can be, given the circumstances. Just something Jade said last night,” I tell her. 

    “What did Jade say?” She prompts gently. 

    “If you don’t want to tell me, you don’t have to-”

    “Pez, just ask the question.”

    “Alright,” I say. “Jade said- well, she was talking about how she could tell you, like, loved me-”

    “I do,” Jesy says softly.

    “I love you too,” I say, returning her smile. 

    “What else did she say, Pez?” she prompts, smiling cheekily when I forget I’m speaking and just stare at her like an idiot.

    “She said “part of me wonders if she always has,” or something like that. About you loving me, I mean,” I mumble awkwardly. 

    Jesy just kind of sits a moment, staring at the bedsheets. Or past them, really. It looks like she’s thinking again.

    “Really, you don’t have to tell me-”

    “I don’t mind, Pez. Just give me a moment to think about what I’m going to say, Alright?”

    “Okay,” I say, staring at her. I’m not so great at silence. 

    “Jake would bring you up when we fought sometimes,” She admits quietly.

    “Why?” I ask, stumped. 

    “It was only when he was drunk. But he saw how I looked at you, I think,” She says, finally meeting my eyes. She must see the confusion there, because she shakes her head and starts to explain. “Jade’s sort of right. When we were put together, I sort of fancied you. But I had a boyfriend, and I didn’t know what to make of it, really. Thought you were just a “girl crush,” or whatever they call it. And then you were with what’s his face, and you seemed really happy about it, and I convinced myself that I was happy enough in my relationship- maybe I just wasn’t meant to be  _ in love  _ in love, you know? Anyway, when you were nearly engaged, I met Jake, and everything just seemed to sort of fall into place. You were happy, I was happy. And I loved him, in some ways. He really is a great guy. But there was always… something that was off. I didn’t realize that it was you until after we were engaged. And it just- seemed too late then, you know? Plus, you were engaged as well, and I just figured we’d marry those boys and just be bandmates and besties and I convinced myself I was okay with that. I thought maybe I just loved you as a friend so much that my feelings were a little… extreme sometimes.”

    “Extreme?” I question, just to get her to pause a moment so I can catch up. “Extreme… how?”

    “Extreme in that every time you bit your lip, I wanted to bite it for you.”

    “That’s not that bad,” I say, though I can feel my heart begin to race.

    “That was one of the tame ones, babe. Every time you came round mine and sat on the kitchen counter while I baked, I wanted to pin you down on it and have my way with you.” 

    “That is a bit extreme,” I say with a little laugh. 

    “Innit?” She says with that cute little smile that crinkles her nose. “But it wasn’t just that. I wanted to hold your hair back when you drank too much, and listen to you talk about your day, and snuggle you on the couch and watch movies, and kiss your forehead and feed you soup when you’re sick, and listen to you complain about all the things you didn’t like, and make you laugh till you cry, and just be _ around _ you. I-”

    I cut her off with a kiss, but pull away before I get distracted. 

    “I’m not trying to interrupt you, I swear. I just couldn’t help myself,” I explain. “Continue.”

    “I just-hmm. What I felt for you was something I’d never felt before. Jake kept badgering me, so I told him about it, and he decided we had to break up. He said he wanted me to have a fair shot with my true love, even if it wasn’t him.”

    “He really is a good one, Jes,” I tell her. 

    “I know! And that’s why I tried to make it work for so long, I think, even when you were single again. I wanted to run to you and hold you and tell you everything was gonna be okay, but that wouldn’t have been fair to him or to you. You’d just had your heart broken, and I had full possession of his. It was terrible timing, really.”

    “I’m glad you waited,” I say, realizing that I am. “I don’t think I would’ve believed you, if you’d said you loved me then. I was too messed up from the whole thing still.”

    “Sometimes, maybe I think I shouldn’t have waited as long as I did,” she admits. “I mean, you’ve been mostly single since 2015.”

    “True,” I say with a laugh. “I was just waitin’ for you, I guess.”

    “Well, now that you’ve got me, what are you going to do with me?” She asks a little too innocently. There’s nothing innocent about the look she’s giving me, though.

    “I’m not sure…” I say, unable to keep the grin off my face as I pin her under me. “I’ve got a couple ideas… Or maybe you could tell me more about this kitchen counter situ-”

    “Hey, so-”

    “Leigh-Anne!” Jesy and I groan in unison. 

    “Well, I’ve left you alone nearly an hour! How long do you need?” She says exasperatedly. 

    Without a word, Jesy slinks out from under me, pushes Leigh-Anne back into her room, and shuts the door.

    “Goodbye, Leigh Anne!” She yells, flipping the lock. “Now, where were we?”

    Unfortunately, we don’t get much further than a high-school makeout and a little dry humping, cause soon enough, someone else is banging on the door. 

    “Bloody Hell, is the whole universe trying to cockblock us?” Jesy grumbles before grabbing some sweatpants and throwing open the door.

    “Jade, someone better be dead or dyin-”

    “Well, I’m dying out ‘ere in the hall coz there wasn’t any towels near the pool and we’re 17 floors up! I’m freezing!” She yells, sounding impossibly Geordie, quickly running into the room and jumping into our bed. 

    “Well hello, Jadey,” I say, scratching at my scalp and tugging softly at the hair on the top of my head, trying not to let my sexual frustration turn in to actual frustration aimed at the brunette who’s just catapulted herself into my bed. “Thanks for knocking, at least.”

    “Did Leigh interrupt yous again after I left?” She asks. 

    “Yes. Life’s just full of interruptions, turns out,” Jesy grumbles, glaring at something in the suitcase she’s rummaging through. 

    “Sorry. But I have skipped sex for the both of you before, so I don’t feel that bad,” Jade says with a shrug. At least, I think it’s a shrug. It’s hard to tell since she’s wrapped in a pile of blankets. 

    “Yeah, but not cuz we were cold,” Jesy snarks.

    “Ah, stuff it. Yous can go at it tonight. We’ve got a meeting in 20 minutes anyway.”

    “20 minutes? I thought the meeting was at 1?” I ask. 

    “Got bumped up. Something about getting a jump on press. Leigh didn’t tell you?”

    “Well, she may have been trying to…” Jes says, looking a little regretful. But, only a little. 

    “Jes sort of slammed the door in her face and locked it when she barged in on us again.”

    “Jes,” Jade grumbles. 

    “What?” Jesy asks, looking a little guilty. 

    “You can’t do that to Leigh- she’s soft.”

    “Yeah, yeah, I know. But I was a little caught up in how  _ soft _ Pez was, and-”

    “We’re not talking about this right now,” Jade says. “Have you checked on Leigh since?”

    “We’ve been a little busy…” I say. 

    “Apparently, not busy enough, with how grumpy Jes is.” 

    “Oi!” Jesy grunts, but stops her rummaging. “I’ll go check on Leigh, alright? You two get this meeting thing all figured out.”

    “Alright,” I say. “Wait, Jes?”

    “Yeah, babe?” She says, much less grumpy than before. I beckon her towards me. She walks over slowly. “What is it?”

    I quickly hop to my knees and then grab her hand and pull her down for a quick kiss. 

    “That’s it,” I say with a smile, letting her go. She gives me a goofy grin and shakes her head before opening the door to our adjoined rooms. 

    “Leigh?” I hear her call softly, before she moves further into the room and out of hearing range. 

      “Well, normally I’d be annoyed, but you’ve just diffused Jesy so easily! Do you have any idea how handy that will be?” Jade asks, mostly serious. 

    I laugh. “I haven’t thought about it. Now, what is with this meeting?”

    “Well, my guess is that the label is either really happy with your performance last night, or really mad about it. They moved up the meeting to today rather than tomorrow, and then they moved it up again by a couple hours. My guess is that it’s something press related, but I suppose only time will tell.”

    I just sit there a minute, thinking over all the things that Jade’s said, wondering how this whole thing is gonna play out. I’m so happy to be with Jesy, but at the same time, I’m terrified. It’s not like I’ve got a backup plan if the whole Little Mix thing crashes and burns. Plus, I couldn’t live with myself if I did that to Jade and Leigh, and I know Jesy couldn’t either. Before I’ve got any more time to think on it, Jesy and Leigh are coming back into the room. Leigh still looks a bit like a kicked puppy, so I figure an apology from me can’t hurt. 

    “I’m sorry about earlier, Leigh-Leigh.” 

    “Oh, it’s alright. I understand that yous haven’t had much time alone together yet. You girls are just all I’ve got once we’re in America, so without you three, I don’t quite know what to do with myself. Plus, Andre and I had a little tiff on the phone, so I’m just a little out of sorts anyway.”

    “Aw, I’m sorry,” I say, patting a spot on the bed for her to come sit on. 

    “Careful, Jade jumped in there dripping, bathing suit and all,” Jesy says with a smile. 

    “Eh, I’m sorry about that. They’ll bring you new sheets for tonight, anyway. I was just really cold!”

    “We know babe, it’s alright,” Jesy says, and I can’t help but wonder if my little kiss  _ has  _ actually improved her mood. “You may want to change before the meeting, though.”

    “Aye. I’ll be back,” She says, dragging the fluffiest blanket with her. 

    “Jade!” I whine. “Now I’m cold.”

    Wordlessly, Jesy opens her arms and I crawl into them. Leigh looks left out, so I open my arms up to her, and she crawls over to us. Jade returns soon after, happily adding herself to the mix. By then, we’re all just a big ball of limbs, with Leigh’s hair somehow in everyone’s face all at the same time. We just sit for a few moments, soaking up each other’s presence, before Jade announces that we best make our way down to our meeting. Jade gets up first, then Leigh, but I refuse to leave Jesy’s arms until I absolutely have to. She doesn’t seem to mind, keeping her hold tight as I run a hand up and down her arm absentmindedly. When we do finally have to get up and leave, I hop up quickly before pulling Jesy with me, and give her one last kiss before we have to go back to being indifferent toward one another. She kisses me back, but I can tell that mentally she’s already put some distance between us.  

    It kills me, and I know she can see it on my face, because her frown mirrors my own. She plants a little kiss to my temple before turning and leaving the room, motioning for Leigh to follow behind. She does, and Jade and I file out behind them. 

    The setup is quite similar to the last time, only the projection of Simon covers more of the wall. 

    “See your ‘ead’s gotten bigger since the last time we spoke,” Jesy says right after we say hello. 

    “Hmm, so has your ass,” He says snidely. 

    Jesy sneers back, but stops antagonizing him for the moment. 

    “Can we just get on with it?” Jade asks, rubbing her temples. 

    “You always were the most business minded of the girls,” Simon says. “Now, Perrie, Jesy, your little night out with your boyfriends has not gone over as well as we expected. Your fans aren’t happy.”

    “Well, I could’ve told you that would happen,” Jesy says.

    “Yes, we anticipated a bit of backlash, but not quite this much. You girls weren’t believable enough, and the fans are theorizing that your boyfriends are fake.”

    “So, you’re mad because they can see the truth?” Jesy asks. 

    “Well, tell me, have they got the whole truth correct? Because a number of the fans seem to believe you and Perrie are still together.”

    “I wouldn’t risk the mix men, or Kamille for that matter,” Jesy says, much too convincingly. Simon seems to believe her. Hell, I believe her, and we were making out half an hour ago. 

   “Girls? Is she telling the truth?”

    “Aye,” Jade says cooly, always our representative when we need to lie. Leigh and I are better off just keeping our mouths shut. “But it’s not like we’d tell you if she wasn’t.”

    “That’s true,” Simon says, mulling everything over. The look on his face makes me think that Jade and Jes have said the right things, for the moment. 

    “Who’s in who’s room? I know you’re only using the conjoined one.”

    “We’re all sleeping in the same one,” Leigh says. “But don’t worry, I sleep with Pez. She’s the best cuddler.”

    Jade and Jes shrug, nodding their heads, and I can’t help but give a little smile before turning my face toward the camera, thinking I’ll be the next one asked a question.

    I’m not.

    “Jesy, why were you so angry when Jade knocked on your door a bit ago?” Simon asks. Jesy’s not caught off-guard at all. I’m a little shocked that they’re actually watching us, but I suppose I shouldn’t be; I get an official publicist email anytime I leave the house in a hoodie. 

    “Cause I was in the middle of a nap. I slept for a whole 17 minutes,” she says easily. 

    “Perrie, is she telling the truth?” Simon asks me. 

    “I assume she is. She kicked Leigh and I out cause she wanted a nap about 20 minutes before,” I say, not sounding incredibly convincing, but also without stuttering. I’m proud of myself. 

    “Alright, then,” He says. “How’s your new boyfriend?”

    “He’s fine. Cute enough. I’m not interested in something that long distance, though.”

    “Hmm. Well, your paparazzi photos turned out a lot better than that one’s,” He says, pointing to Jesy. She actually sticks her tongue out at him, and I nearly laugh out loud. “Here, have a look.”

    I do, and what I see shocks me. The photo is of Christian and I, but we’re a lot closer than I remember us getting. His hands are in my back pocket, my lips pressed against his. I immediately look to Jes for a reaction. 

    Her face is expressionless, but I can’t help but notice the way her hand is tugging at her hair behind your back. 

    “Aw, Pez, yous are sweet,” Jade says, a smile on her face but worry in her eyes.

    “Yeah, you guys look great together,” Leigh says. 

    “Yeah, you two are well cute,” Jesy says. If I hadn’t spent the last 7 odd years with her, I’d think nothing was wrong. Simon seems to buy it completely, and I’ve got no choice but to play along. 

    “Yeah, he’s quite attractive. I must’ve been drunker than I thought! I don’t remember that kiss at all!” I say, laughing hollowly. 

    “That’s because this is an edit, darling. But I expect a real one next time. Understood?” Simon asks. 

    “Is that prostitution?” Jade asks offhandedly. 

    “Doesn’t matter what it is, now does it? I say it happens, it happens,” Simon says angrily. 

    “What if he doesn’t want to? I’m not gonna force him,” I insist. 

    “Bloody hell, I’m asking you to give him a peck, not sleep with him. Just do as your told. Goodbye, girls.”

    And with that, he’s gone. 

    Jesy leaves as soon as his face has disappeared, and the rest of us follow quickly. 

    The elevator ride seems endless, when in reality it can’t be more than a minute long. We enter through the door on Leigh and Jade’s side this time, and I desperately want to talk to Jesy, sort all this out, but Adam and Azza and half our team are already waiting for us in our hotel room. We’re all put through hair, make-up, and wardrobe before we’re rushed out the door and on our way to our first American press junket in two years. 

    Showtime. 

    We spend the first couple hours meeting with smaller news outlets, mostly of the online variety. We play at least three rounds of never have I ever, rattle off a number of facts about ourselves, and profess our love for the cheesecake factory and our American mixers at least once every 20 minutes. We’re only 5 minutes in to our first interview before Jes and I are asked about our new boys, and we both give evasive, press-friendly answers, about how its “early days” and “we’re just having fun” and the like. We’re only into our third interview when I’m asked a question that really catches me off guard. 

    “Now Perrie, I’ve been told specifically not to ask this question, but I’m gonna ask it anyway,” the interviewer says, giving me a wink. 

    “You’re a naughty one, aren’t you?” I ask with a little laugh. “Go ahead and ask, but I’m not sure if I’ll have an answer for ya.”

    “Okay, so. If you had to date one of your band members, who would it be?”

    I freeze, before choking out a very fake-sounding giggle to give myself a little time. 

    “I couldn’t date none of them,” Leigh says, coming to my rescue. 

    “Why? I’m pretty hot,” Jade says bluntly. 

    “That you are,” Jesy says, giving her a nod. 

    “Thanks, babe,” She says. 

    “None of you are tall enough,” Leigh says in a prissy American accent. “Also, you guys are like my sisters. It could just never be that way, you know?”

    “Yeah, I agree,” Jade says. “Also, I like men.” 

    “Ah, there is that,” Jesy says, laughing along. “What about you?” Jesy asks, turning the question back around on the interviewer. “Which one of us d’you think you could date?”

    “You’re all gorgeous, don’t get me wrong, but I couldn’t date any of you. My boyfriend wouldn’t like that,” He says with a laugh. 

    “My boyfriend thought I was tryin’ to date Perrie when he met were.”

    “No way!” I say with a laugh. “Did he really?”

    “Yeah, cos I told him I liked blondes, and for a minute, he thought I meant you.” 

    “That’s hilarious!” I say, laughing at Jade’s story that I’m pretty sure is fake. She likes redheads, and brunettes. She’s not as fond of blondes. Still, I’m grateful to her for talking so I don’t have to. 

    “Have you read any of the fanfiction written about you?” The interviewer asks abruptly, clearly trying to keep the interview heading in a certain direction.

    “I can’t,” Leigh says. “Apparently there’s a lot of it, though, I’ve heard.”

    “There is quite a bit,” the interviewer says. “Most of its Jerrie, or Jade and Perrie, but there’s been quite a spike in Pesy, or Perrie and Jesy, fanfiction recently. Have you girls got any thoughts on that?”

    “Well, I’m quite jealous now,” Leigh huffs. “Apparently it’s about everyone but me.”

    “S’alright, babe, it appears I’ve been dethroned. I saw a lot of things tagged “Jerrie is dead” the other day,” Jade says. 

    “Aw, no, don’t say that! Jerrie is real,” I say, hugging Jade tight. I’ve tried to avoid looking at Jesy this whole time, cause I’m afraid I can’t hide the way I feel about her when I set eyes on her, but now glancing at her, I see she’s frowning. That must be why I say what I say next.

    “But Pesy is real too,” I say, and the minute it’s out of my mouth, I know I shouldn’t have said it. Jesy’s eyes get big as dinner plates before she schools her face back into her press mask and gives a little laugh. It seems I’ve stunned Leigh and Jade into silence. 

    “How real is it?” The interviewer asks, unable to keep the greedy grin off his face. 

    “Very. Jesy’s my best friend,” I say seriously. “Plus, it doesn’t hurt that our boyfriends are good friends as well!”

    “Wait, so are you confirming that you’re dating Christian McCaffrey and that Jesy’s dating Mychal Kendricks?” The interviewer asks, wide eyes. I can’t tell if he’s excited or disappointed. 

    “Is that what I said?” I say coyly, a sinking feeling in my gut. I know management will be happy with me, but I’m not happy with myself. 

    “I don’t think that’s what she said,” Jesy says, a slow smile spreading across her face. I can clearly see that it’s fake, but the interviewer definitely can’t. 

    “Aw, come on, girls! Can’t you confirm it for us?” The interviewer asks, hungry for the exclusive. 

    “Let’s just say that Pez and I are both quite happy in our current relationship, and leave it at that. It’s still early days, you know?” Jesy says, giving a similar statement to the one we’ve been giving all day. Only thing time she says “relationship,” instead of “relationships.” Luckily, the interviewer seems pretty oblivious to this fact, and pushes on through, asking us a couple questions about our upcoming James Corden appearance before wrapping the interview. We must do at least another half-dozen interviews after that one, answering essentially the same 10 questions over and over, but I’m perfectly happy with that since it means that we’re not caught off guard again. 

    Around 7:30 we’re finally finished with press, but we’ve still got a quick fitting before we’re allowed to return to our hotel and eat. 

    We get back to the hotel about 10, and order some room service before having a quick chat and settling in for the night. I’m perfectly content to spend it in Jesy’s arms, trying to work our way back to the comfortability we had before the shitshow that was today, but we’re quickly interrupted by Jade. 

    “Uhh, yous should see this,” She says worriedly, bringing her phone over to our bed. 

    I grab her phone, holding it so both Jes and I can see, and press play. Soon, the sound of my own voice fills me ears. 

    “ _ But Pesy is real, too,”  _ I hear myself say over a smash-cut of every time I’ve ever looked at Jesy. There’s loads of videos, pictures, all kinds of “evidence,” mostly from before we were together. After our conversation this morning, I can’t help but notice the way Jesy’s always staring at me. And the way that I stare back. 

    The next set of video clips is more recent, almost all of them from after Jes and I started dating. Jesy’s snippet from the Radio One interview is there, and my accidental kiss at Graham Norton. Then there’s a good 4o seconds of audio-less video of me just  _ staring  _ at Jesy that day. Next, Jesy’s voice fills the room.

_  “Let’s just say that Pez and I are both quite happy in our current relationship, and leave it at that. It’s still early days, you know?” _

    And finally, there’s a boomerang video I don’t recognize, but can immediately place. Jes and I are in the background of the shot, but you can clearly see me grab her bum and her toss me a wink. It might be easy to laugh this off if the next shot wasn’t of the two of us drunkenly making out in the limo. 

    “Shit,” Jesy mumbles, burying her face in her hands. “Shit, shit, shit!” 

    “Jes, babe, calm down,” I say, pulling her hands from her face and bracketing it with my own hands. “We’ll get it figured out, okay? That last picture, I’m pretty sure we can blame the edit.”

    “Yeah, until someone puts together the fact that my lips were a different color when I got in the limo than they were when I got out. How do we explain that one away, eh?”

    “Don’t get angry with me,” I snap. “This isn’t just about you.”

    “No, Pez. It’s about all of us,” She says, getting up from the bed. “Maybe it’s time we took a break from whatever this is.” She says, waving her hands around wildly. 

    “Whatever this is?” I ask, laughing incredulously. “I love you, Jesy! And what about all those things you said today? About loving me?  _ Whatever  _ was that?”

    “Don’t throw what I said back in my face, alright? That isn’t fair, and you know it,” She says angrily, tugging at her hair.

    “None of this is fair!” I yell, my flailing out to the sides, “but I’m the only one who seems to care! You’re always so blasé about everything!”

    “Have you ever thought that maybe that’s the only way I’m able to hold it together?” She asks frustratedly, her voice breaking on the word  _ together.  _

    Immediately, I try to take her into my arms, but she pushes me away. 

    “No, I need a minute,” she says, stepping back slowly and shaking her head. She takes one last look at me, and I can see her trying to make a decision. She takes one bold step forward, opens her mouth to speak, and then...

    And then she’s gone. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, girls. Where do we go from here? Not even I'm sure yet.   
> Sorry it's been a minute since I've updated- college is a lot sometimes, and as much as I wish I could just write this, I've written probably 30k school-related words since my last update (papers and such), not to mention all of my other homework. This is about 34k words total, for comparison.  
> Oof, enough complaining from me lol:) Just wanted to say a quick thanks to all of those who leave kudos, review, comment, and say hi on Tumblr! I always wanna know how y'all are feeling about this story, and I'm always so thrilled to have any feedback! No one in my real-life reads this story, and I self-edit (aka I use spell check and pray cause I can't be arsed to content edit- whoops), so hearing from you guys is always so great! Its much better than me leaving passive-aggressive comments for myself on google docs lol:)   
> Anyway, I hope you guys are enjoying the story! The last couple weeks have been crazy, and this coming one definitely will be, but I'm hoping to work in more daily writing time after that.   
> Wow, this note is long. But, I guess they always are. Do any of you even read these? lol let me know here in a comment or on Tumblr at 16sydd16 . Also, if you want, let me know what your favorite recent live performance of their's is! are you excited for the Brits? Pls come and talk about LM w/ me bc everyone in my real life has to be sick of my constant gushing by now.   
> Anyway, I'll quit being so annoying now. Have a great week, and hopefully, I'll see you soon!  
> xx  
> sydd
> 
> WAIT! I'm going to be a little annoying for just one more sec lol. Did any of you see Jesy's Insta story where she couldn't get her pants off so she asks Perrie to help? I know it sounds like a bad porn set-up, but my Pesy heart couldn't take it. Anyway, if you haven't seen it, it's forever immortalized on Youtube, on Nikola Mixer 's channel, I believe, under LM5 funny moments part 6. Watch the whole thing if you're an LM Stan looking for a laugh. If you just wanna see Perrie attempting to undress Jesy, start at 2:52. There are a lot of Pesy moments throughout tho, so if you like those, give it a watch. Also, this kinda sounds like promo, but I swear it's not: its just an awesome video. The whole series is great, really. Also, I'm definitely not popular enough to do promo for someone else lol. The video- It's great. Anyway.  
> I'll go home. 
> 
> But... if you do wanna talk about Pesy or LM in general... Tumblr at 16sydd16 
> 
> Byeeeeee.


	9. Darling...(no one else)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the words of 21st century American philosopher Katy Perry, "We fight, we break up-We kiss, we make up."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I know I always warn that it's un-edited, but this one is SUPER un-edited. Regardless, hope you enjoy!

    I don’t see her again until 5 the next morning, when we’re all called in to the room next door, presumably the room she slept in, for hair and makeup. She’s wearing sunglasses, so she’s either been crying, is hungover, or both. Considering she spent the night with Leigh, it’s probably both. 

    I spent my night crying to Jade, who witnessed the whole fight, and eating loads of chocolate and biscuits- Jade’s method of fighting sadness. 

    I know from experience that Leigh’s method involves vodka and a mini ab workout. 

    I’m grateful I got Jade this time. 

    Speaking of Jade, she looks bad. Not as bad as me, but bad. She’s a worrier, and though I didn’t sleep much last night, I don’t think she slept at all. Leigh doesn’t look much better, with bloodshot eyes and a raw bottom lip from her constant biting. 

    “Good God, Jes,” I hear our make-up artist say. “You look like hell.” 

    And she really does. The glasses are finally off, and her eyes are even puffier than mine. She doesn’t seem to have slept. 

    “You all do,” He goes on, glancing around at each of us. “What on earth happened last night?”

    “Just couldn’t sleep,” Jes and I say in unison. I glance at her before I can stop myself, but look away just as quickly. 

    No one really says much after that. Jes and I are given these little frozen sleep masks and told to ice our eyes for a bit. The ice does help, and after that and a moisturizing miracle, the four of us look a little rough around the edges, but mostly okay. 

    “You’re a god, Adam,” Leigh says. 

    “A goddess, darling,” He says, stroking his imaginary long hair. 

    Leigh and Jade laugh, but I can’t bring myself to. It’s only 6am, and I can tell it’s going to be a long day. 

    We spend the next 2 hours in hair and make-up before we’re herded into the elevator, and then into a van. Someone carries out my bag, so we must not be returning to this hotel tonight. We’re in a different sort of van than we’ve been in thus far, a nicer one, which I take to mean we’re doing a bit of travelling today. 

    “It’s about a 4 hour drive,” the driver tells Leigh when she asks. “There’s a little cooler back there with snacks and drinks, as well as some blankets and pillows, but if you girls need anything else, give me a holler and we’ll figure something out.”

    “Thank you,” Jade says with a soft smile. The man nods before closing the partition. 

    Jade hasn’t stopped worrying her lip since she witnessed mine and Jes’s little scrap last night, and Leigh’s been tapping her leg up and down every time she’s been in a sitting position this whole morning. Jesy’s got her hood pulled down over her eyes, which are covered by rose tinted glasses, because even after the ice masks, her eyes were still too puffy. 

    My glasses are tinted blue. 

    “Pez, are you okay if I go have a chat with Leigh a moment?” Jade asks, distracting me from studying my nails for the 25th time in the last 5 minutes. 

    “‘Course, Jadey,” I say with a smile that I’m sure is anything but convincing. She gives my shoulder a squeeze before she unbuckles her seat belt and moves to the back row of seats, with Leigh following seconds after. The van isn’t terribly big, but they’re about as far away from Jes and I as they could be. I stare after them for a couple more moments, but then go back to studying my nails and glancing out the windows. The seat I’m in is side facing, so I can’t look out the window for too long without feeling ill. 

    Eventually, I chance a glance at Jesy, only to see that she’s already watching me. I expect her to look away once I’ve caught her, but she keeps on staring. 

    “Hey,” I say lamely, unable to sit quietly any longer. 

    “Hi, Pez,” She says, trying to smile. It comes out more like a grimace. 

    I’m not sure what to say, but I know I’ve got to say something. 

    “Um, how did you sleep?” I ask, though I’m pretty sure I know the answer. 

    “I didn’t. Couldn’t. You?” 

    “Uh, sa-same.” 

    Silence again. 

    “Listen, Jes-”

    “Perrie-”

    “You first,” we say in unison. 

    “I wasn’t, um, gonna say anything important. I just don’t like the quiet. So, eh, you can go,” I say lamely. 

    “Alright,” She says with a small, barely-there smile. 

    It’s gone as quickly as it appears. 

    “I know I’m not being fair to you. But I’m just, I’m really confused at the moment.”

    “About how you feel about- how you feel about me?” I ask, stuttering. I hate how small and unsure I sound, but I suppose right now, I am.

    “No, Pezza. God, no. About everything else.” 

    There’s a million thoughts running through my brain, a million ways I want to respond to that, but I don’t get the chance. 

_ Screeeeeech _ . 

    I register the disgusting sound of metal on metal just as I watch Jes go flying into the space between us. I reach out to grab hold of her, but I’m yanked back, my glasses thrown off into the ether, the rough strap of the seat belt digging into my neck. I brace for more, but we seemed to have stopped moving. 

    “Jes?” I ask, unbuckling my belt and getting over to her as quickly as I can manage. 

    “I think I’m fine, babe. Just a little sore, and a tad grumpy.”

    “Do you want some help up off the floor?” I ask, extending a hand. 

    “I am kind of lonely down here,” She says, smirking. 

    “Why do I feel like you’ve got something plann- Ah!” I yelp as Jesy pulls me down next to her. 

    “I’m not sure what I’ve got planned, exactly. But I know my plans include you, if you’re okay with that?” She asks sheepishly. As much as I want to fall into her arms and never leave, both physically and emotionally, I’m not sure I can handle it. Then again, I’m not sure I can handle staying away. In fact, I know I can’t.

    I think Jesy takes my silence as disagreement, ducking her head to keep me from seeing tears falling down her now glassesless face. But of course, I see them.

    “Baby,” I say slowly, tucking my fingers under her chin, gently lifting it so her eyes will meet mine. She bites at her bottom lip, giving me a watery smile. I’m still not sure what to say, but my hand reaches up of its own accord to wipe her tears, my lips automatically planting themselves on her forehead. 

    “Oh, Jes,” I mumble against her smooth skin. “I don’t think I could stay away from you if I tried.”

    “Please, don’t try,” she says, her tone teasing but her eyes serious. 

    I give her a small smile, unsure. “We’ve got some things to talk about alright? Let’s not worry about it until tonight though, okay? Can we do that? Can we put it off until then?”

    “If that’s what you want,” she says, her expression somehow neutral. 

    “That’s what I want,” I say, though I’m not sure exactly what I want. I know I want Jesy, but I don’t know how, or if, this will all work out. 

    “Then that’s what we’ll do,” she says, threading her hand through mine. I let out a breath I didn’t know I’d been holding. 

    “Oh Jeed, Leigh, ar’ye’alright?” I hear Leigh Anne say, trying to mimic my accent. 

    “I’m quite good, Leigh. How’re you?” Jade says, trying her best to sound as Essex as she can. 

    “You know, you’d think after 7 years together, yous would be better at imitating us,” Jesy says with a laugh. 

    “I can do Perrie!” Jade says. “It’s just you southerners I have trouble with.” 

    “Excuses, Excuses,” Jesy says. “Really though, are you alright?”

    “I should ask you. Leigh and I were both buckled it, so we’re fine. Saw you take a little trip, though.”

    “I’m better than I’ve been all day,” Jesy says with a laugh, squeezing the hand tangled with hers. “I have got a bit of a sore bum, though.”

    “Ladies, are you alright?” The driver calls, forcing the partition down with his hand. 

    “We’re okay,” Jesy calls. “Yourself?”

    “I’m fine. A little achy, but alright.”

    “What happened, exactly?” Leigh asks. 

    “Best as I can tell, seems someone tried to slide over into our lane and accidentally hit the back of the van. We were only going 35, and I managed to keep control of the van for the most part, so the damage is pretty minimal. The crash seems to have dismantled some of the fancier features of the van,” he says, gesturing to the half-down partition, “but we’re still in working order.”

    “That’s good to hear. Do we know if the other driver is alright?” Jade asks. 

    “I’m okay!” A young, female voice calls. “Sorry about what happened! I just misjudged the distance, I guess.”

    “Ah, it’s alright. Accidents happen. Were you having a little jam? ‘Cause last time we were in the car with Leigh-Anne we was having a little jam and she weren’t paying attention and she nearly killed us,” Jesy says, an edge of humor to her voice. 

    “I’m never gonna live that down, am I?”

    “Never,” Jade agrees. 

    “Wait, uh, I can’t. Wow, this is gonna sound creepy, but, um, are you Li-Little Mix?” The voice asks, sounding terrified. 

    I don’t offer an answer, but I do climb back onto the seat, dragging Jesy with me, and stick my head up close to the partition. 

    “In the flesh,” I say with a smile. 

    “Holy shit! Wait, sorry, I shouldn’t swear, but holy shit!” The girl says, laughing. “I love you guys!”

    “Glad to ‘ere it,” Jesy says with a smile so big I can’t help but give her a quick peck on the cheek. I realize the mistake I’ve made not even a second after I make it. I quickly turn to look at the girl, whose eyes have become the size of dinner plates. 

    “Holy shit,” she whispers quietly. 

    “Listen-” I start.

    “I totally won’t say anything, I swear,” she promises before I’ve even asked. “Outing people is, like, one of the grossest things a person can do.”

    “Preach!” Jade yells from the back. 

    “Why don’t you come inside and sit with us a while? While we wait for the insurance person?” Leigh says next. 

    I didn’t even think about the insurance thing, but then again, I’ve never been in a wreck. With the way Leigh drives, I’m sure she’s been in at least a couple. 

    “Wait, really?” The girl asks, dumbfounded. 

   “Why not, eh?” I ask, a smile on my face. 

    “Yeah, totally!” The girl says. I hear the locks click open and soon enough the girl is in the car. She sits opposite Jes and I, apologizing profusely, before immediately launching into how excited she is for the “new era” of Little Mix and she can’t wait for tour because tour means dance routines and can we  _ please _ tour in America this time even if its smaller venues because our American Mixers have felt a little neglected  _ tbh _ (yes, she actually says the letters tbh) and she just loves us so much and really wants to see us succeed over here. She rambles for quite a while, but she seems so sweet and well intentioned that none of us have the heart to stop her. Soon enough, the insurance agent has arrived, along with the girl’s father. He apologizes on her behalf before thanking us for being so kind to his daughter, who he explains is very kind, well-intentioned, but  _ very _ easily distracted 17 year old. Before she goes, she asks for a selfie, which her father insists is poor manners but I tell him we don’t mind, and we snap a quick picture. And then, we’re back on the road. 

    “Now girls, normally, I’d take the van straight to the repair shop, but your team has insisted we get back on the road at once, seeing as you girls are already a little more than an hour behind schedule. Is everyone okay with that?” The driver asks. 

    “Doesn’t sound like we’ve got much choice, does it?” Jade says ruefully. “So long as you think it’s safe, I’m ready to go.”

    “I assure you, if it wasn’t safe, I’d refuse to take you anywhere,” he promises. 

    “Well then, let’s get this show on the road!” I say. 

    We all get strapped into our seats again, this time with Jes and I cuddled up on one side and Leigh and Jade on the other. 

    “So, yous have made up, then?” Jade asks tentatively. 

    Jesy glances at me, unsure of what to say. 

    “We’re still… figuring things out. But yeah, we’re alright for now,” I say, lifting mine and Jesy’s clasped hands up so I can plant a kiss on the back of hers. 

    “Wonderful. ‘Cause before the crash, Leigh and I were back there trying to figure out if we had a shot at solo careers once the band imploded,” Jade says with a laugh, only half joking. 

    “I’m sorry we’ve put yous through the ringer,” Jesy says sincerely. “I know this has got to have you guys worried, but trust me when I say that Little Mix is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I would never do anything to intentionally jeopardize it. I get this whole thing with me and Pez puts the two of you in a tough spot, but I wouldn’t be risking any of this if I wasn’t absolutely sure about Perrie.” 

    She’s just admitted a lot to me, and to our friends, but instead of adding to the tension like I worried it might, it’s as if you can feel it lessen. 

    “We understand, Jes,” Leigh says, meeting my gaze. “Some things are worth the risk.”

 

    The rest of the ride passes uneventfully compared to the first bit. Jade and Leigh rejoin us in the front of the van, sitting opposite Jes and I. My hand gets quite sweaty before Jesy lets it go, only to grab on to my arm and lean her head on my shoulder. In fact, I don’t think she stops touching me once for the entirety of the car ride. I expect her to relinquish her hold on me once we reach the venue, which is a radio station somewhere in Pennsylvania, but she won’t let me go, even to get out of the car. I half-heartedly try to pull away, but she’s having none of it. 

    “Jes, what if someone sees?” I ask, biting at my bottom lip. She brings her opposite hand up to gently nudge my lip out from between my teeth, and smooth the stress wrinkle I can feel appearing on my forehead. 

    “Let them see us, Pezza. For a moment last night, I really thought I’d lost you, and I can’t handle feeling that way again. So just, let me hold your hand a bit longer, yeah? Leigh and Jade can hold hands too, throw off suspicion. Promise I’ll let you go for a bit. But in a bit,” She says, now biting her lip. I lift up my hand to nudge her lip out from between her teeth with my thumb, mimicking her earlier actions. She gives me a small smile once she realizes. I take a quick look around, just to be sure no one’s watching, before planting a quick kiss on her lips. 

    She accepts the kiss readily, sighing when I pull away as quickly as I leaned in. 

    “Let them see, eh?” I grin. 

    “Pez…” She says, though she’s grinning too. 

    “Your words,” I remind her. “Plus, it’s been far too long since I kissed you.”

    “We made out on our bed yesterday,” she reminds me with a laugh. 

    “Exactly! Yesterday! That’s practically a lifetime ago!” I insist. 

    “It did kind of feel like it,” She admits, tightening her grip on my hand. “Promise me I won’t have to wait so long for the next one?” 

    I give her hand a squeeze back. “Promise,” I say. 

    “Well, that’s great and all, but how long am I gonna have to wait to get out the car? Yous are blocking the door!” Jade says, pretending to be angry, but looking relieved. Leigh can’t even pretend, offering only a little grin. 

    “Sorry, Jadey,” Jesy says, moving out of the way. “Oi, can you and Leigh join hands? Just to…”

    “Deflect suspicion? Sure, Jes. Leigh’s a bit clingy today anyway,” Jade says with a grin. 

    “Oi! It’s been a rough 24 hours, okay? First, my little row with Andre, and then Pez and Jesy’s little fight, and thinking the band was gonna break up-”

    “Okay, fine, you deserve to be a little clingy,” Jade says, grabbing Leigh Anne’s hand once she’s exited the car. 

    “Girls!” A familiar voice shouts from the other end of the small parking garage. “Get a move on, you’re already late! We’re on the air in four minutes!”

    It’s quite difficult to run holding someone else’s hand, especially when the person whose hand you’re holding is a runner and you’re definitely not, but we somehow make it up to the 4th floor studio with 19 seconds to spare. 

    “Couldn’t we have waited for the lift?” I huff out, pulling mic between Jes and I.

    “We would not have made it in time,” Jesy says definitively, breathing normally, showing no signs of distress. 

     “How are you fine? We just sprinted across the whole building and up four and a half flights of stairs,” I question, baffled. 

    “I run, like, 7 miles a day at least 5 days a week when we’re not on tour,” Jesy says, looking at me as if I’m stupid. “How are you so skinny and so out of shape?”

    “Good genes, I suppose,” I shrug, not really knowing how. 

    “How nice for you. My genes really fuc-”

    “Gooooood Morning, Philly!” The host yells, glaring at Jes. 

_ Sorry _ , she mouths, and I can’t help but laugh. Our first live interview in the states in 2 years and she’s already in trouble for nearly swearing. And on a morning show to boot.

    I’m still laughing at her when the radio host introduces us collectively, spouting off some random facts before asking us to introduce ourselves. I just can’t seem to stop. Well, until Jesy lets go of my hand, not-so-casually resting her left hand on my upper thigh. 

    “I’m Jesy,” she says _ into _ the microphone, for once, as if she’s not touching me up under the table right now. 

    “And I’m Per-rrie,” I say, tripping over my R’s, glaring at her once I’m finished. She’s purposefully not looking at me, but I can see the corners of her mouth perk up in a smile. 

    She doesn’t move her hand at all for the first segment of the interview. I want to call her out on her hand placement the first time we cut to commercial, but the radio host seems to have loads of questions that only I can answer, so Jes and I don’t get the chance to talk. 

    I’ve about adjusted to the feel of her hand by the time we’re on the air again, and plan to just ignore it for the rest of the interview. 

    My plan is quickly derailed when, 30 seconds into the next segment of the interview, she starts tracing lazy circles onto the bare skin of my thigh, slowly but surely moving her hand a little further up each time. I’m not sure what’s gotten into her, especially considering our fight last night and the lingering tension between us, but I know I can’t take much more. I bite the inside of my cheek to try and distract me, and send glares her way every chance I get, but she pretends nothing's going on, simply smiling at me. The naughty little glint in her eye is driving me mad. 

    Soon enough, the interview is over. Gratefully, the host avoided all controversial topics and just sang our praises for the whole 20 minutes. We’re set up to do a facebook live with him now, but he lets us know we’ve got about 15 minutes before that starts. 

    “Good, ‘cos I’m parched! And I need to fix my hair. Is there a bathroom nearby?” I ask. 

    “Down the hall, third door on the left. And we have drinks in the lounge, which is just across the hall from the bathroom,” He says with a smile. 

    “Perfect. Jes, fancy a drink?” I say, my eyes letting her know it’s not up for negotiation. 

    “I’m alright,” she says with a grin. “But I’ll help you fix your hair.”

    I smile at her snidely, quickly getting up from my chair so she’s forced to remove her hand and follow me. 

    The minute the bathroom door shuts behind us, I press her up against it. 

    “What do you think you’re doing, eh? Gettin’ me all riled up like that?” I ask, pinning her hands at her sides, holding my face inches from hers. 

    She looks shocked for a moment, before that sneaky little grin flits across her features again. 

    “Whatever do you mean?” She asks with mock innocence. 

    “I’m talking about this,” I say, slowly dragging my hands up her thighs, before slipping them into her back pockets. 

    “Oh, that,” She says, the little hitch in her breath the only hint that she’s not as calm as unaffected as she puts on. 

    “Yes,  _ that _ ,” I say, inching the tiniest bit closer. 

    “Well, what are you gonna do about it?” She asks, leaning in, tempting me. Part of me wants to refuse her, give her a taste of her own medicine, make her wait. 

    But the other part of me hasn’t kissed her properly in far too long. 

    I pull her as close as I can, my hands still firmly gripping her bum, before crashing my lips to hers, plunging my tongue into her mouth. She moans, loudly, spurring me on. I bite at her bottom lip and she growls, turning us around so that I’m now the one backed against the door. I’ve just moved one hand to the back of her head, tugging at the hair there, when a loud banging on the door causes us to spring apart. 

    “Umm, yeah?” I ask, my voice raspy from our kisses. 

    “”Do yous want drinks?” Jade calls through the door. 

    “Just water, for me,” I say, relieved that it’s only Jade. 

    “For Jes?” She asks. 

    “Water, Jade. Thanks,” Jes answers. 

    “No problem. Also, we’re due for the facebook live in just a few, and unlike the radio interview, this one will be video-recorded, so you might fix your sex hair before you come out.”

    “Jade!” I squeal. I hear her laughter fade as she backs away from the door. 

    “Come ‘ere, Pez,” Jesy says with a smile. “Let’s fix your hair.”

    “You know, we’ve got a lot to talk about before we… you know,” I say, watching a blush stain my cheeks in the mirror while Jesy fixes my hair. 

    “I know, babe,” Jes says with a grin. “Honestly, I didn’t expect you to get so riled up.”

    “I swear Jes, if you pull that on me in the live-”

    “I won’t, Pezza! Promise,” she says, though I don’t entirely believe her. “I won’t touch you again until after we’ve talked about all this, alright?” 

    “I didn’t say you had to do that,” I whine, pouting. “But quit teasin’ me!” 

    She laughs heartily. “Alright, then. I’ll save that for later,” she says with a cheeky little wink, before declaring my hair fixed and sauntering out the door. 

    “You’re gonna be the death of me,” I mumble under my breath, before making my way to the “live” room. 

    The Live goes off without a hitch. Every 3rd fan question had to do with mine and Jesy’s relationship, but the interviewer is kind enough to avoid all talk of relationships once Jade explains that we’d rather just talk about our music. I can’t quit looking at Jes every 5 seconds, and I’m sure it’s obvious, but I can’t be arsed to try and stop. 

    “Jesy, you’ve been proposed to again,” The interviewer says with a laugh. That’s at least the tenth “MARRY ME PLZ”s directed toward her in the 10 minutes we’ve been online. 

   “Why is it always Jes they propose to?” Leigh asks. 

    “She’s just too pretty,” I say dreamily.  Jes looks at me, somewhere between flattered and alarmed, when Jade saves me once again. 

    “Yeah, Jesy is the hot one,” Jade says. 

    “What? You’re all beautiful!” Jesy insists.

    “Jade’s right tho, babe. There’s something about you,” Leigh admits. 

    “You guys,” Jesy says, not really knowing how to take a compliment. You think she’d have learned by this point, having the face that she has. 

    “You’re just very distinct looking,” Jade says. “Dunno what it is, but you’re just sexy, babe.” 

    “Thank you, Miss Thirlwall,” Jes says, taking on an Australian accent. 

    “Ah, you’re quite welcome, Jes.” Jade says, mimicking her. 

    “You four really do get along, huh?” The interviewer says.

    “Is that so hard to believe?” Leigh-Anne asks with a laugh. 

    “Well, it’s just. You guys are probably the 4th sort of “Girl-Band” I’ve interviewed this year, and you’re the only ones who haven’t had a bitch-fight or said something hateful toward one another in either the live or the radio-interview. You seem to genuinely be friends,” He says suspiciously, as if he doesn’t believe it.

    “I don’t know what to tell ya,” I say with a laugh. “The four of us were just thrown together, but I feel like I’ve known these my whole life. I can’t really remember a time before Little Mix.”

    I take Jade’s hand, then Jesy’s, who takes Leigh’s hand.

    “Aww,” The interviewer says. “I really like you guys.”

    “Aww, thanks!” I say. “We like you too.” 

    “You guys come back and visit the next time you’re in Philly, okay?”

    We nod our assent, before the interview wraps up the live, encouraging people to buy our album and listen to us on their radio station. We say a quick goodbye to the fans who’ve been watching us on the live, and then the cameras cut. 

    “Thank you so much for coming in, girls! Most people say no to the live, so I appreciate you ladies being willing,” the interviewer says. 

    “It’s our pleasure, really. Thank you so much for the support! And thanks for being respectful of our wishes in regards to the questions,” Jade says, always the most eloquent of us. 

    “Oh, that’s no problem. It’s human decency, really. I want you guys to have a good time, make you comfortable so you’ll answer the questions honestly. And so you’ll come back,” He admits.

    We say our goodbyes, thanking him one last time, before we start shuffling out of the room and down the hall.

    “For what it’s worth, I think you two would make a great couple!” He yells down the hall. 

    We laugh, Jes and I linking hands, before entering the elevator. 

    “If only the label thought the same,” I mumble once the elevator doors shut. 

    Jes leans her head on me a moment, planting a soft kiss to my shoulder. “Maybe soon, babe. Maybe soon.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not the happiest with this chapter TBH. My laptop look a drink this week and I had to clean out most of the savings I'd built up this year to repair it. Not to mention the fact that I couldn't write while it was in the shop, so I was a little extra-stressed. Oh, and something's wrong with my heart, and college is kicking my ass. When it rains, it pours, right?  
> I know I'm offering a lot of excuses, but if you can't vent to strangers on the internet, who can you vent to? Amiright?  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this filler(ish) chapter. Perrie and Jesy have a lot to talk about, but I wanted to give them a bit of happiness in the mean time.  
> Also, I'm at a bit of a loss as to where exactly this is going, so if you've got anything you'd like to see happen in this story, hmu on Tumblr at 16sydd16 or leave a comment/PM me here!  
> I got a haircut this week and it's shorter than I expected. Also, I'm dying my hair for the first time, using a color called "aesthetic". I'm psyched.  
> Okay, I'm gonna go now. The rambling is getting out of hand.  
> See y'all in the next one!  
> xx  
> sydd


	10. Fix Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our girls continue to get...closer:) But is the press getting closer to the truth? Only time will tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We know I don't edit well, right?  
> Sick.   
> Enjoy!!

   After we leave the radio station, we learn that we’ve still got quite a bit of travelling to do. Apparently, we’re going to a state called Ohio, and it’s going to take nearly 7 hours to get there. We all whine a bit before getting into the new and not so improved van. This one’s not as nice as the first, with 2 rows of front-facing seats and a curtain rather than a partition, but it’ll do. Plus, it’s not like we’ve got another option, since the last van is currently in the shop (where it belongs).

    Jade climbs right into the back, with Leigh following after some griping and groaning. 

    “You know I can’t sit in the back, Leigh! It makes me carsick,” Jesy lies. We all know it, too. If anything, Leigh’s the one who gets carsick. 

    “Yeah, just like you have to have the biggest bed on the tour bus cos of your back? I’m not buying it, Jessica.”

    “Leigh, come on,” Jade urges gently. “You’re not winning this one.” 

    Leigh glares at Jesy, who responds with a satisfied little smirk, before crawling her way into the back to join Jade. I take the seat next to Jesy. 

    “Pez, enjoy these front-seat privileges while you and Jes are in the honeymoon phase- I’ll reclaim my rightful throne soon enough.” 

    I can’t help but laugh, because I know that Leigh’s completely serious. But, I also know that Jesy will never let that happen. I’m not sure if it’s cause she’s the oldest, or the most street-smart, or what, but typically, her word is law. Usually it’s cos Jade backs her up on it. Once Jade and Jesy have made a decision, the decision is made. No matter what Leigh and I think.

    “You seem to be thinkin’ awful hard there, babe. You okay?” Jesy asks, giving the hand she’s holding a squeeze. 

    “Yeah, I’m good,” I say running my thumb over her knuckles. “I was just wonderin’ why you and Jade always get to make the decisions.” 

    “Is this about the car seats?” Jesy asks, her nose scrunching. 

    “No,” I say, giving my head a shake before dropping a quick kiss upon her nose. “The seats just got me thinking about it. Yous have never steered us wrong- I just wondered why.”

    Jes shares a quick look with Jade that I’m not sure I’m meant to see. 

    “You and Leigh are just so… sweet, Perrie. And bubbly. And kind. I just want you to stay like that.”

    “You don’t think I can handle making the decisions?” I ask, a little offended. 

    “No, it’s not that,” Jesy assures me with a smile. “It’s just that I don’t want you to have to.”

    I look at her, a little confused. 

    “Me and Jade, we’re already- life hit us hard when we were still little. We’re more… cautiously optimistic. We ask more questions, have more doubts. You- You’re sunshine and blue skies and flowers and bright yellow. And I love that about you. I never, ever want that to change. I know it sounds stupid, but I guess I feel like if you don’t have to make the big decisions, you don’t have to deal with the fallout if they go bad, or the burden of making a big mistake. I just want to protect you and your sunniness,” She says with a huff, as if she’s not been able to find the words she wanted to use. 

    “It is a little silly,” I say, “but thanks. For trying to protect me.”

    “Always,” she says, dropping a kiss onto the crown of my head. 

    I fall into a dreamless sleep after that, waking I’m not sure how many hours later to Jes and Jade talking about something. I debate eavesdropping, but ultimately decide against it. If Jesy wants to protect me, even from things I don’t need protecting from, I’ll let her. 

    “We there yet?” I ask, yawning, so that Jes and Jade know I’m awake. A quick glance at Leigh lets shows she’s still passed out. 

    “No, but it shouldn’t be long now. S’cuse me, sir?” Jade asks loudly. 

    “Yes?”A man answers back, pulling the “partition” curtain open. “Everything alright back there?”

    “Oh, everything’s fine. We were just wondering about how much longer we’ll be?” 

    “I’d say no more than 90 minutes. Could be there as soon as 45, depending on the traffic. I’d count on it being at least another hour though,” he says honestly. 

    “Thank you, sir” I call out groggily, snuggling further into Jesy.

    “No problem, girls. Let me know if there’s anything else you need,” He says with a quick smile back at us, pulling the curtain closed once again.

    “Did you sleep well?” Jesy asks softly, looking down at me. 

    “Like a baby,” I say with a smile. “Did you get the chance to rest at all?”

    “Nah. But Jade couldn’t sleep either, so she kept me company,” Jesy says, nodding at the tired-looking brunette. “ Leigh’s been asleep about as long as you have.”

    “Sleeps like a log, she does,” Jade says, nodding toward Leigh. “I snapped at her 3 hours ago cos she was droolin’ all over me shoulder but she didn’t even half open her eyes. Just rolled to her other side and leaned against the window.”

    “I haven’t been droolin’ everywhere, have I?” I ask, a little embarrassed. 

    “No, babe. You’ve been a perfect little angel,” Jesy says, smiling at me. 

    “She’s lyin’. You snore something awful if you’ve got your arm tucked behind ya. Jes laid you across her lap about an hour ago just so you’d shut up,” Jade says. 

    “Not that I minded,” Jesy says, sending a little glare toward Jade. 

    “Do yous want to try and sleep now?” I ask, even though we’re only an hour out. 

    “I don’t think I can. Too keyed up today, I suppose,” Jade answers. 

    “Not sure I could either,” Jesy says with a yawn. 

    “Give it a try, okay?” I say, shifting so that I’m sitting up straight and she can snuggle into me. “I’ll keep Jadey company.” 

    “F’you insist,” She says, snuggling her face into my neck, her eyes already half-shut. 

    Within seconds, her breathing has evened out. 

    “You okay, Jade?” I ask quietly, glancing over at my best friend, who’s doing her best to pretend like she hasn’t been watching us. 

    “I think so,” she admits. “You and Jes gave me quite the scare, and I’m not sure I’ve recovered yet, if I’m honest.”

    “I’m sorry,” I say. 

    “You shouldn’t have to be, that’s the thing. You shouldn’t have to hide that you’re together, shouldn’t have to choose between love and Little mix. The whole situation is really botherin’ me. And I know it’s gotta be bothering you, cos it’s  _ your _ relationship, but I’m just mad about the whole thing. Can’t believe we’re still dealing with this much hatred in 2019. I feel like a bad advocate. I’ve been an ally of the LGBT community for years, and here I am, letting my best friends be locked in the closet. And I’m not doing anything about it, cos my career’s on the line. I just feel like a fraud.” 

    “Jade Amelia, you are not a fraud,” Leigh Anne barks. 

    Jade nearly jumps out of her skin. I somehow manage to stay still. It’s probably got something to do with the beautiful girl sleeping on my shoulder. She just makes me feel safe, I guess. 

    “Shit, Leigh, you scared me,” Jade says. 

    “She’s right though, Jade,” I say.

    “Of course I’m right,” Leigh says in an American accent. 

    I can’t help but roll my eyes. “There she is.”

    “Really, though, Jade. You can’t feel bad about this. Well, you can, but you can’t shoulder all the guilt. This is a gross situation, and it’s not fair to Pez and Jesy, and it’s homophobic and biphobic and sexist and a whole lot of other things, but we’ll figure it out. Together. I can’t speak for Perrie and Jesminda, but I’m about 100% sure they wouldn’t want you to throw away your career for this. We’ll think of something. Well, probably you and Jes will think of something, but Perrie and I will be here to support you when you’ve got it figured out. Innit, Pez?”

    I nod my head. “Yeah, Leigh. Jade, none of this is your fault. There’s nothing you can do about this that would be beneficial to the four of us right now. Leigh’s right- we’ll figure something out. But, until we do, Jes and I really appreciate you and Leigh trying to help however you can.”

    Jade unbuckles her seat belt, coming to squeeze into the seat next to me. Leigh follows suit, squeezing in on the other side of Jesy. There’s four of us crammed together in a three person row now, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

    Jes wakes up in the middle of a group cuddle some time later, but she doesn’t seem to mind. 

    “Did I miss something important?” She asks me. 

     “We just had a little heart to heart while you were asleep. Jade was feelin’ a bit down. Like she wasn’t doing enough to help us out.”

    “Well, that’s just stupid,” Jesy says. “Jade, bless her, talks “strategy” with me every free moment we get. She’s always thinking, always trying to help.”

    “It’s killing her inside that she can’t,” Leigh says. “She actually shed a couple tears the other day. She was frustrated, I think.”

    “What are we doing to you lot?” Jesy asks, her tone laced with guilt. “I’m sorry, Leigh.”

    “Don’t be sorry, Jes. It’s a shitty situation. I know you two would do the same for either of us, if the roles were reversed. We’ll get it figured out,” Leigh says, wrapping Jes and I in a hug. 

    “When did Jade finally tucker out?” Jesy asks.

    “She didn’t. She just likes eavesdropping,” Jade says, a grin spreading across her face. Her eyes are still shut.

    I can’t help but laugh. 

    “Ladies, we should arrive momentarily. The hotel’s just down the road,” The driver says. 

    “Thank you,” Jade says. 

    “Can we all sleep in the same room tonight?” Leigh asks. 

    It takes me a minute to realize that she’s asking me and Jes. I glance at Jes. She’s already looking at me. We desperately need to talk, but I know she won’t deny Leigh’s request. After a long day, she and Jade usually runs straight to their rooms for a little alone time, so if Leigh’s asking, she must really need it. 

     “‘Course we can, Leigh-Leigh,” Jes says, after I give her a little nod. “I get to share a bed with Pez, though,”she says far too seriously, earning a laugh from us both. 

   Joking or not, Jesy’s comment ends up being unnecessary, because the label booked us four rooms with a single California king in each. We’ll all be sleeping together tonight. We decide to each split off into our own rooms to shower, and everyone will meet back at my room in no less than an hour’s time. 

    I desperately want a long, hot shower after the day we’ve had, but Jes and I need to have a talk sooner rather than later. 

    Maybe, if the talk goes well, she’ll take my long, hot shower with me. 

    “That’s quite the smile on your face, Pezza,” Jes says with a laugh. “Care to share?”

    “Maybe later,” I say with a wink, moving to stand in front of Jes, who’s taken a seat on the edge of my bed. 

    “Alright, I’m getting out of here. I don’t need to see what happens next,” Jade says, moving towards the door. “Make sure to get it out of your systems now, cos I’m a light sleeper!” 

    Leigh just laughs, watching Jade make her retreat down the hallway. “I believe our little Jadey has a facetime call to answer herself. And I’m gonna have a little chat with Andre, clear some things up. See yous in an hour!” 

    That leaves Jes and I. We’ve got a lot to discuss, but I don’t think either of us is quite sure how to open up the discussion. I stand there awkwardly for a couple moments, just looking at Jes and picking at my nails. 

    “Come sit with me?” She asks, patting the bed next to her. 

    “Are you trying to seduce me?” I ask, laughing. 

    “Not yet,” She says with a wink. 

    I flop onto the bed with a groan. “You’re killing me.”

    “Sorry,” She says, looking anything but. 

    “Don’t worry about it,” I say. “So, we need to talk?” I ask, though I know the answer. This was  _ my  _ idea. I just don’t know how else to go about this. 

    “Don’t be so nervous, Perriewinkle. It’s just me,” Jesy says. 

    “But now you  _ make  _ me nervous!” I say, sitting up. “And I don’t know how to handle that!” 

    “Alright, well. Why do I make you nervous? Hmm?” She asks. 

    “You- well, you- I’m just so tongue tied around you! I always feel like I’m gonna say the wrong thing and you’re gonna realize that I’m a huge dork and you’ll run away and then I’ll be heartbroken and I won’t have a best friend to tell about it or work to throw myself into or an-” I ramble on.

    “Slow down, Pezza,” Jes says, gripping my right arm. “Take a deep breath.”

    So I do, inhaling deeply, holding for a moment, before slowly blowing the breath out. I repeat the process a couple more times, and then pretend to feel better afterward. 

    “Alright, I’m calm,” I say softly. 

    “No, you’re not,” Jesy says. 

    “How can you tell?” I ask, frustrated. 

    “You’re scrunching your eyebrows. Relaxed people don’t do that,” she says with a laugh. 

    “Humph,” I say, crossing my arms. Jes just laughs again. 

    “How are you so relaxed about all of this?” I ask. 

    “I’ll admit, I do freak out on this inside sometimes about this whole thing.” 

    “But how do you keep it on the inside?” I whine.

    “Practice,” she says, her smile faltering the tiniest, most unnoticeable bit, before returning to its full glory. 

    “Y’alright?” I ask, reaching my hand up to push a few errant strands of hair behind her ear.

    “Yes. Well, no,” she says, leaning into my hand. “How can you tell?”

    “Your cheek twitches when your smile goes fake. The right one,” I tell her casually. “What’s bothering you?” 

    “Same thing as you, I guess. You’re my best friend, and I’m scared shitless about this whole thing, if I’m honest. I’m quite taken with you, Pez. I don’t think I could handle it if you suddenly changed your mind about all of this.”

    “You’re worried about _ me _ changing  _ my _ mind?” I ask, baffled. 

    “Yeah,” she admits, studying her nails. 

    “Jes, that’s ridiculous,” I say, grabbing her chin with my hand to force her to meet my eyes. “Absolutely ridiculous.”

    “You realize the same goes for me, right?” She says, looking at me intently. “I’ve never been as sure about anything in my life as I am about you right now.”

    I study her face for any sign she’s not being truthful, even though I know she is. 

    “Okay,” I say with a grin. 

    “Okay?” She asks, a confused smile on her lips. 

    “Yeah. Okay,” I say, laughing. 

    I notice her eyes flick down to my lips, and that’s the only invitation I need to seal my lips to hers, immediately pulling her bottom lip into my mouth, biting it softly. 

    “Mmm. Wait, Pez,” she says, pulling back. 

    “What?” I whine.

    “We should probably finish talking before we start this, because once we start, I’m not sure I can stop,” she says. 

    “Promise?” I ask, not caring how needy I sound.

    “Promise,” She says with a wink. 

    “Listen, you’re gonna have to stop doing that if you want us to have an actual conversation. I can’t focus when you look at me like that!” 

    “Stop what? Whatever do you mean?” She asks, feigning innocence. 

    I glare at her. 

    “Alright, fine,” She grumbles. “Now, Jade suggested something, but we don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

    “Well, Jade’s got a pretty good head on her shoulders, and cleary, you’ve been thinking about it, so let’s give it a go,” I say, even though I have no idea what I’ve just agreed to. 

    “She said we ought to make a plan. A “What Happens When...” plan, I believe she called it,” Jesy says, a bit of a cringe on her face. 

    “How… romantic,” I say with a laugh. “Comforting, really.”

    “Hey, it’s not like that,” Jesy assures me. “It’s more for our career, really. To protect Jade and Leigh.” 

    “I think I understand,” I say, though I’m not sure I do. 

    Jes explains anyway.

    “Look, we just make a list of things that we don’t want to affect our relationship or be affected by our relationship. Just a short list. 5 things, maybe?” She suggests. 

    “Alright,” I say, nodding. “Little Mix has got to be the first thing on the list, obviously. No matter how this plays out between us, we remain as a four piece. Even if we have a nasty break up and you hate me, we can’t play with Jade and Leigh’s futures like that,” I say. 

    “That could never happen. But yeah, agreed. Little Mix remains our priority,” Jesy says, scribbling down

_ 1) Little Mix- Always,  _ in a notebook I didn’t realize she had until now. “Okay, what next?” 

    “We don’t let the press get in the way. No matter what we read or see, we go straight to each other first. No lies, no secrets.” I say resolutely. I’ve played the  _ what if _ game before, and I never want to play it again. 

    “That’s a good one,” Jesy says, scribbling again. 

_ 2) Screw the press. _

    “Next?”

    “Why’ve I got to come up with all of them?” I ask. 

    “Sorry, you’re right. Umm, let’s see. I don’t want us to ever leave the other on bad terms. We talk, all the time. No silent treatment,” She says seriously. 

    “Couldn’t do that if I tried, babe,” I say, leaning my head on her shoulder. She plants a quick kiss to my forehead, then goes back to her notebook. 

_ 3) Don’t go to bed angry.  _

    “Next?” 

    “You tell me when you’re afraid of something. It’s hard enough trying to figure out your own feelings, nonetheless someone else’s. I’ll do the same for you,” I promise. 

_ 4) No secrets.  _

    “And for the last one?” She asks. 

    “What we do if we get caught,” I say. 

    She pauses a moment. “Well, what are we going to do if we get caught?” 

    “Tell the truth. I’m tired of denying it,” I tell her. 

    “Well, alright then,” she says with a laugh. 

_ 5) No denying* _

_ *if/when the truth comes out _

    “Did that really need an asterisk?” I ask with a laugh. 

    “Shut up, this is official business. Official business calls for addendums and asterisks for those addendums,” she says, writing the date at the top of the page. She reads the list over before handing the paper to me. I sign my name at the bottom, and Jesy follows suit, signing hers right under. 

    “Well, there’s that,” Jesy says. “Now, I need to run to my room and take a shower-”

    “Use mine,” I say, busying myself with planting kisses across her jaw. 

    “Don’t you want to use yours?” She asks breathily. I smile at the effect I’m having.

    “Who says we can’t both use it? Preferably at the same time?” I say, focusing my attentions on the skin behind her ear. 

    “Pez…” She says, and I can tell that she’s seconds away from giving in.

    “Please,” I whisper in her ear, biting down on the lobe. 

_ Knock knock knock. _

    “No,” I whine. “It can’t be time for them to be back already,” I say, reluctantly letting go of Jesy so she can answer the door. 

    “I thought we said an hou- oh, hello,” Jesy says as she opens the door. 

    “Hello Miss… Nelson?” The hotel employee says, glancing at his iPad, seemingly confused. “Have I got the wrong room?”

    “Not at all,” Jesy replies, and though I can’t see her face, I can tell from her tone that she’s fake-smiling. “Are you looking for Perrie?”

    “And you, Miss Nelson. Just thought I’d have to contact you separately.”

    “Ah, we’re just running over some dance moves Perrie was havin’ trouble with while our friends are speaking with their boyfriends,” Jesy says. Her excuse makes me immediately suspicious. “The other girls will be back momentarily, if you’d like to speak with them as well.”

    It’s then that I notice the badge around the man’s neck.  _ Jerry Trainor, Modest! Talent Liaison.  _

    Shit. 

    “That won’t be necessary,” he says with a tight smile. “I’m just to deliver a message to you and Miss Edwards,” he says, holding out an envelope to Jesy. 

     “Thank you very much, Mister…”

    “Trainor. Jerry Trainor,” he says, shaking the hand Jesy offers. 

     “Pleasure.” 

    “Pleasure’s mine,” He says, backing away, giving me a wave as he does. “Miss Edwards.”

    I nod, a tight lipped smile on my face. 

     No sooner than Jesy’s shut the door does the smile drop from her face. 

     “What do yo-”

    “Shh,” Jesy says quietly, holding a finger to her lips, her eye right up against the peep-hole. A few moments later, she blows a breath out, turning around and leaning heavily against the door. 

    “Well, we’re screwed,” She says, sliding down to the floor. 

     “How do you figure?” I ask, hopping up from my place on the bed and settling myself on the floor next to Jesy. 

     “They knew we were here together. They suspect something. And surely, those photos of us must have reached them by now.”

    “Oh,” I say, leaning my head on her shoulder. “Wait, how do you know they know we were here together? Didn’t the guy say he had to go deliver a message to you as well?”

    “His little “Miss...Nelson?” act didn’t fool me. He wasn’t at all surprised that we were here together. Also, he only had one envelope. Now, if you’re delivering messages to two separate people in two separate rooms, why do you only have one envelope?”

    She’s got me there. “I suppose he could have the other envelope somewhere else?” I suggest.

    “That is possible, but I highly doubt it.” She says, running her nail over the flap of the envelope. “Now, shall I open it, or would you like the honors?”

    “Go for it,” I say, burying my head in my hands. 

_ “Hello, Girls” _ Jesy reads. “ _ This is your final warning. No more PDA. I don’t care what you do behind closed doors, but I don’t want you two to so much as look at each other outside of them. We’ll call it a compromise.  _

_     A double date has been scheduled with your “boyfriends.” You will go home with them, and you will be papped leaving their houses the next morning.  _

_          Failure to comply with the above demands and any future requests will result in the cancellation of Little Mix’s appearance on the James Corden show. A second infraction will result in the immediate termination of the contracts of: Songwriter Camille “Kamille” Purcell, as well as dancers Claudimar Neto, Jaron Johnson, Randall Watson, and Wolfgang Mwanjie, in regards to their work with the band Little Mix, due to a mandatory renegotiation of Little Mix’s contract with Syco.  _

_     Tread lightly, girls.  _

_     More instructions to follow.  _

_     Oh, and try to be more careful next time. _

 

_     Regards,  _

_    Simon Cowell _

 

    “That little Twat,” Jesy says, crumpling the letter in her hand. “Who does he think he is?”

    “God, probably,” I say, weirdly at peace with this whole thing. “You were right about the photos,” I say, pulling them out of the envelope. There’s one from the club, the extra-incriminating one from the Limo, and then from our interview today, where Jesy’s hand is clearly  _ very  _ high up on my thigh. “This one is entirely your fault,” I say, pointing to the final picture with a laugh. 

    She glances at the picture and then back up at me, looking guilty.

    “Oops.” 

    I can’t help but laugh, settling myself back on her shoulder once again. 

    “You’re awful calm about all this,” she says. 

    “Well. We’ve got physical evidence of his manipulation now, don’t we?” I ask. 

    Jesy’s face lights up. “Yes, we have! Ha! I’m taking a picture of the letter, in case twitter needs to read it at some point,” she says with a grin. All too soon, though, her smile drops and she looks at me suspiciously. “Is he actually this dumb?”

    “I hope,” I say. “Also, this letter effectively says that we can be together, just not in public. I’m pretty happy with that, considering the rules he gave us before.” 

    “I guess you’re right. We still have to be careful, though,” She says. 

    “Well, yeah.” I say. “So, shower? With me? Now?” I ask, unsure when I got so bold. 

    Jes just laughs. “Thought you’d never ask,” she says, smiling. 

 

    We walk out of the bathroom exactly 43 minutes later, with wet hair, half dressed, and exchanging lazy kisses, satisfied smiles on both of our faces. We both wanted to have another go, but we knew Jade and Leigh would be back soon. You’d think twice would’ve been enough for now, but now that I know what being with Jes is like, I don’t think any number of times could ever be enough. 

    “Finally,” Jade says from her perch on the bed. 

    “Jade! You’re not supposed to be here for… 3 more minutes!” I say, glancing at the nightstand clock. 

    “Don’t worry, I didn’t hear anything,” she says, smirking at us. “Leigh, on the other hand…”

    Jesy groans, leaning into my shoulder. “When will that girl learn?”

    “Probably never,” Jade says. “I told her I’d text her when it was safe to come back.”

    “And have ya?” I ask. 

    “Well, is it safe?” She asks, mostly joking. 

    “Only time will tell,” Jes says with a laugh. “We do have something we need to discuss with the two of you, though.”

    “I don’t think you need to send out a group memo to let us know you’re finally having sex,” Jade says far too seriously. 

    Jes barks out a laugh, and I give a nervous giggle. Nothing is sacred with those two. 

    “No, it’s about a letter we received today,” Jesy says. 

    “Whoever could it be from?” Jade asks, clearly knowing the answer. 

    “It was a surprise, to say the least,” Jes says, letting go of my hand to walk over to the door once someone starts knocking. “Come in, Leigh.”

    Leigh walks through the door Jesy’s just opened, trying her best to avoid looking at Jes and I. Jes and Jade can’t help but laugh, while I offer a quiet “Sorry, Leigh.”

    “It’s alright, babe,” she says. “Just a bit strange for me, you know? You’re my sisters. Anyway, suppose I should learn to knock.”

    “Probably,” I say, wrapping an arm around her. 

    “Now, what’s this letter about?” Jade asks. 

    We show the letter to Leigh and Jade, then try and figure out what it all means. Well, Jes and Jade try and figure out what it all means. Leigh and I try and help for about 20 minutes before we give up and watch old Law and Order reruns on the telly. Eventually, I end up with my head in Jesy’s lap, her hands absentmindedly running through my hair as she and Jade talk. Leigh tries to get the same head-scratches out of Jade, but Jade’s having none of it. Jes and I can’t help but laugh as the two of them bicker, before Jade gives in to Leigh’s begging of “just till I fall asleep,” telling her she “better be asleep in 10 minutes, ‘cos if you think I’m gonna do it for longer than that, you’re crazy.” Leigh falls asleep nearly instantly, and I follow soon after, but not before stealing a kiss from Jes. The angle of my head is weird, and it’s a bit like that spider-man kiss when he’s hanging upside down, but still, it’s perfect to me. 

    I wake up to too much sunlight and Leigh picking through a large cart filled with breakfast food.  

    “Morning, Pez,” she says in what I’m sure she thinks is a quiet voice. 

    She sounds like she’s whispering with a bullhorn. 

    “Morning, Leigh,” I respond, sitting up from where I’m laid across Jesy. I must’ve shifted in my sleep, cause my head’s no longer in her lap, instead resting on her abdomen. My left leg is tangled up between both of Jade’s at the ankles. After getting up from the heap that is my girlfriend and my best friend, I notice that Jade’s head is tucked into Jesy’s shoulder, where Jade’s quietly snoring into Jesy’s ear, an arm haphazardly throw across Jesy’s neck. Jes isn’t one for sleeping on her back, but somehow she managed to fall asleep that way, with Jade and I both laying on her to boot. Jade’s mouth is wide open, drooling on Jesy’s shoulder, unlike Jes, whose mouth is clamped shut. I know she has a bite guard to try and keep her from grinding her teeth when she sleeps, but I also know that she hardly ever wears it, cause it gives her a lisp, and she hates that. 

    I think it’s cute. 

    I spend a couple minutes just staring at her, knowing she needs sleep but selfishly wanting to spend as much time together behind closed doors today as we can. 

     “Pezza, are you trying to will her awake?” Leigh asks through a mouth full of french toast. 

    “No,” I say quickly, though I suppose that’s exactly what I’m trying to do. “Shut up and eat your breakfast, Leigh.”

    Leigh holds her hands up in surrender, a fork in one hand and a knife in the other, before she goes back to eating. 

    Jesy stirs, but only momentarily, before she settles down again, clenching her jaw even harder. I can’t help but bring my hand up to her face, hoping she’ll relax into my touch. And she does, except for her jaw, which seems to somehow become impossibly tighter. I can’t help but groan. 

    That’s when I decide to try and lessen the tension another way. It may not be the best idea, considering my best friend is asleep on my girlfriend and my other best friend is behind me, watching, but I’m too happy and too residually sleepy to care. 

    I start at Jesy’s collarbone, slowly kissing my way up her jaw, licking around the shell of her ear before working my way down again. I can feel her starting to stir, so I move to kiss the corner of her mouth. She responds, sleepily at first, before responding more aggressively, slipping her tongue into my mouth. My yelp of surprise turns into a groan of pleasure, and I feel her smile against me, before a scream jolts us apart. 

    “Ah!” Jade starts, quickly scrambling away from us. Jesy seems confused as to why Jade is there in the first place. 

    “Jade?” 

    “Eh, that was my bum you were feelin’ up!” Jade says, still yelling. 

    I can’t help but laugh. Jesy still looks a bit confused. “What’s happened?”

    “Well, Pez fell asleep on you, and then Jade fell asleep on you, and then Pez woke up and wanted to wake you up, so she was all over you, but you and Jade were still all cuddled up, so I think in the confusion, you groped Jade’s bum instead of Perrie’s,” Leigh says very matter of factly, mouth still full of French toast.

    I’m belly-laughing now, laying on the bed, unable to sit up from how funny the whole thing is. Leigh starts to laugh as well, followed quickly by Jes and Jade, once we all realize what’s just happened. 

    I’m crying by the time we’ve finished giggling, still laying on the bed while the others begin to fill their plates. I join them soon, the four of us sitting around a desk someone pulled away from the wall that couldn’t comfortably seat more than one, but no one’s complaining. 

    We finish breakfast pretty quickly, all of us too consumed by eating to talk, and then run over our plans for the day.

    Its shaping up to be a busy one. I’m already tired, even though I’m probably the most well rested of the four of us. I don’t know how Jade’s still on her feet. Well, I suppose right now, she’s in a chair, but you get the idea. 

    Our team shows up before we’ve really finished eating, and we’re thrown into half-glam. We’ll get the other half when we get there, I’m told. 

    If anyone notices how overly affectionate Jes and I are this morning, no one says anything. Even Jade. It’s like everyone knows something has changed, but no one knows how to go about asking what exactly is going on. Leigh and Jade know that we’re only allowed to be together when no one’s watching, so I think they’re letting us have our little moments, bless them. Adam looks confused, but doesn’t ask any questions when I follow Jesy to the makeup chair just to sit on the floor next to her, leaning on her legs. Once she’s done we swap places, and then do the same in the hair chair. I keep my hand firmly in hers until the absolute last minute.

    “You ready, babe?” She asks, giving my hand one last squeeze. 

    “Ready,” I say, squeezing her hand before letting go. 

   I was hoping that having unimpeded access to everything Jesy behind closed doors would make the whole ignoring each other in public thing easier, but now it’s even harder than before. Jesy’s naturally flirty- well, we all are to some degree. It comes with the job, I think, but Jesy’s the flirtiest- and only 5 minutes into the first interview, I’m ready to wring the neck of our interviewer. I didn’t think I was the jealous type, but when the guy puts a hand on Jesy’s shoulder, Jade has to elbow me in the gut to keep me from doing something I’ll regret. 

    “Get it together, Pez,” She says quietly. 

    We wrap the interview not soon after, and I follow Jes to the bathroom. 

     I faff in the mirror while she uses the restroom, trying to figure out what exactly to say. 

    “I can hear you thinking, Pez,” she says, washing her hands. “What’s on your mind?”

    I grab her roughly and kiss her, hard, before breaking the kiss just as abruptly as I started it. 

    “I’ve wanted to do that all day. Especially in front of the idiot interviewers. Show them what’s mine,” I say, knowing I sound ridiculous, but not knowing what to do about it. 

    I worry Jes is gonna laugh at me, but when I meet her gaze, it’s anything but humorous. 

    We emerge from the bathroom about 15 minutes later, hair mussed and lips swollen. I tried to fix my hair as best I could after we finished, but there’s only so much damage you can undo. 

   Jade laughs when she sees the pair of us, before grabbing Jesy by the hand and dragging her to the bathroom to fix her lipstick that I smeared. For some reason, I’m oddly proud of myself. I suppose I should be focused more on self-preservation, what with Simon’s “don’t even look at each other” edict, but I can’t find it in me to care. 

    “You look a little too proud there, Pezza,” Leigh says, looking concerned. “Might want to cool it a bit, yeah?” 

    “Sorry, Leigh-Leigh. Couldn’t help myself,” I say with a smirk. 

    “Well, you’re acting like the smarmy boyfriend right now, so-”

    “Alright, point taken,” I say. “I’ll quit.” 

    “Atta girl,” Leigh says, patting my shoulder. 

    Jes and Jade emerge from the bathroom maybe three minutes later, Jes looking a little more put together, but not much. 

    We carry on with the interviews, having four or five in a row, before a  _ Modest! _ rep comes to take us home. Well, at least that’s what I thought was happening. 

    “Miss Edwards, Miss Nelson, you’re to remain here to prepare for your dates this evening. A car service will pick each of you up separately at 7pm sharp.”

    We bid Leigh and Jade goodbye before retreating to our prep room, where Adam and Azza are waiting to fix our hair and make-up, as well as give us our change of clothes. 

    “I see we’ve decided not to leave much to the imagination tonight, eh?” I say, picking up what is essentially a bra and some jeans that are so ripped I’m not sure you can still call them jeans. I’m not averse to showing skin, but I’m not wild about showing so much when I know the label’s angle. They want me to seem slutty tonight. Beef up my “straight girl” image. 

    I’m fuming by the time I’ve gone and changed, a whole conspiracy running through my head, when I catch sight of Jes.

    I thought my outfit was revealing, but Jes barely has clothes on. I can’t stop myself from reaching out and stroking her mostly-bare back. 

     “D’you like my outfit? Well, if you can call this an outfit,” she asks, turning to face me. 

    “I’m a big fan, personally,” I say, licking my lips. “Not sure I want anyone else to see you in these clothes, though.”

     Jesy is wearing a nearly completely sheer corset top that’s cut low in the back along with a high-waisted leather skirt I know she won’t be able to bend over in. It barely covers her bum now, and she’s standing straight up. 

    “Yeah, think the label is going for straight-girl stripper extraordinaire tonight,” she says, trying to pull the skirt a bit lower. It doesn’t help. 

    Now that Jes has reminded me that the label is trying to whore us out, I’m fumin’ again.

    “Yeah, who do they think they are, dressing us like tarts and telling us who we can and can’t date. This is ridiculous!”

    “It is, babe, but there’s nothing we can do about it quite yet. Plus, I’ve already spoken to Mychal and Christian on the phone, and they’ve both agreed to keep a safe distance from us unless absolutely necessary. Christian’s already got his guest bed made up for you and everything. At least they’re good boys, Pez.”

    “I guess that’s true,” I say. “Doesn’t mean I’m not mad about it, though.”

    “I know. But, if we can just get through tonight, we have a travel day tomorrow, and then James Corden the day after. After that, we have a meeting with Simon. That’s our time to re-evaluate and make a list of demands.” 

     “Alright, alright,” I concede. 

    “Girls? Your drivers are here,” Adam says, waving his phone at us.

     “Here we go,” Jes says, placing a smacking kiss on my lips. “Ready, babe?”

    “As I can be,” I say, wrapping her in a tight hug before letting her go. “See you tomorrow.” 

    “Tomorrow, Love,” Jes says with a small smile.

    Then she opens the door and walks out. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think we've got maybe two chapters left at this point?? could be three. Idk. I just feel like our story has nearly run its course. Also, I'm running out of Only You lyrics to use as chapter titles lol:)  
> I hope y'all are enjoying it this far! This chapter was kind of long, and lots of dialogue, but I promise we're heading for some real drama.   
> TBH I wrote the majority of this chapter in like 3 hours time, and then I've been working on the transition between this chapter and the next for like a week and a half. Hopefully the chapter flows okay.   
> I just want to take a sec to thank those that read, leave kudos, follow, and comment on the story! Oh, and of course those that come say hi and come have a little chat on Tumblr! I'm unbelievably excited every time one of you reaches out. Y'all give me that little extra push that I need, so thanks again.   
> Hope everyone's having a splendid week, and please let me know what you think of this chapter! Even if it's not ur fav lol:)   
> See y'all soon!!   
> xx  
> Sydd


	11. Did I let go of your hand?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiding sucks sometimes. But, our girls find a way to work it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for checking out my fic! Enjoy!  
> xx

    “Hey Perrie, how’ve you been?” Christian asks, enveloping me in an unexpected but not unwelcome hug.

    “Other than the massive traffic jam, doing well babe, thanks,” I say, giving him a smile that, despite my best efforts, must still look a bit strained.

    “Do you mind if we hold off on the club for just a bit? I just got home from the gym and I’d like to get unsweaty before I get sweaty again,” He asks jovially, but the look he gives me suggests he’s got something else on his mind.

    “Course not, sweety. We can just chill at yours for a bit first, if you like. Maybe I’ll mix up some drinks while you shower?” I say, my tone kind. I wonder if I’m laying it on too thick with the terms of endearment, but Christian’s front door isn’t far from his front gate, where three paps are camped out. I can’t help but wonder whose management called them. It’s a game of “whose boss is more biphobic” that I’d rather not be playing.

    “That would be amazing, thank you!” Christian says, distracting me from my thoughts. He wraps his arm around me and quickly pulls me into his house.

    He hastily shows me the first floor before herding me up the steps and into a bedroom.

    I start to panic a bit. “Chris, I thought you were aware of the whole-”

    “Ah, don’t worry babe, he is,” Jesy says with a smirk, hopping up from her place on the bed.

    I gawk at her disbelievingly. “Wait, how has all of this-”

    “Well, I know Simon had his little plan for us tonight, but then we came up with a little plan of our own,” she says, pointing to Mychal who I’ve just realized is there.

    “My apartment has a water issue. Had to stay with a buddy in the meantime,” Mychal says slyly.

    I laugh, unsure of what “water issue” entails, but entirely sure Jesy is to blame. “Wait, does the label know?”

    “They will eventually,” Jesy says with a smirk, giving Mychal a high-five. “Poor Mychie’s apartment just flooded today. It was very unexpected. As such, he’s not had time to notify anyone yet, have you Mychal?”

    “You know, I haven’t, Jessica. The pipe burst just after you got there, and I haven’t had time to recover from the whole thing yet. Just so surprising,” He says conspiratorially.

    “You two are dangerous,” Christian says with a laugh.

    “Eh, we make a good team,” says Jes. “Plus, an apartment with exposed piping? Practically begging for a problem. Doesn’t hurt that my sack of shit dad was a plumber for the 30 seconds he managed to hold down a job, so I knew just how to handle the situation.”

    “This one is pretty quick on her feet, Perrie. Don’t know how you keep up,” Mych says, laughing. “I was pretty in my feelings about leaving Chris tonight, and your girl knew just what to do.”

    “She is smarter than she looks,” I say with mock seriousness.

    “Hey!” Jes yells, and the boys laugh.

    “I’m only kidding, babe. You’re brilliant,” I say, pulling her to me and giving her a lingering kiss on the cheek.

    “Alright, well, mine and Perrie’s table at _NRG_ won’t be ready until ten, so maybe we’ll grab a meal first? If you and Jes have got time, Mych,” Christian asks, taking Mych’s hand.

    “Our table at _451_ isn’t ours until eleven, so yeah, we’ve got time.”

    “Alright then,” Jes acknowledges.

    And then the conversation lulls. Never particularly good at silence, I immediately try and come up with something to say.

    “Can we just eat here?” I ask at the same time Jesy and Mych say:

    “Do we have to go out?”

    “Can we order in?”

    Christian laughs heartily, running a hand through his hair. “Alright, okay, fine. Jeez. Not a ton of places deliver here, so-”

    “We could make something?” I suggest, cutting Christian off. “I mean, I saw the kitchen on the way in, it’s massive.”

    “And he never uses it!” Mychal says to me. “He can barely make an omelette.”

    I just point to Jesy in response. “That’s advanced compared to this one. She only knows how to scramble an egg. She’s recently figured out the toaster as well-”

    “Oh, sod off,” Jesy says. “Only one of us really needs to know how to cook.”

    “That’s what I always say!” Christian says, coming to Jesy’s defense. “It’s not like Mych’s gonna let me starve-”

    “You know, I just might.” Mych says matter-of-factly.

     “Alright, so, what is the plan then?” Jes says before our collective bickering can escalate.

     “I mean, I’m down to cook. I know Chris has a fridge full of things he’ll never eat unless someone else prepares them. Perrie?” Mych asks.

    “Yeah, I’m good,” I say, nodding my head. “Yous can mix the drinks,” I say, pointing to Jesy and Christian.

    “Now that, I can do.” Jes says.

    Christian nods.

    

    Jesy and Christian have prepared what they’re calling our “pre-dinner” cocktails before Mych and I have even got the ingredients gathered for our meal: agave glazed chicken with mashed sweet potatoes and a kale salad for the top. I’m still looking for the slivered almonds when Jesy slides my drink in front of me.

    “How did you make this so fast?” I ask them.

    “I’m from the South,” Christian says, as if that’s enough of an explanation.

    “Me too,” Jes says, high fiving Christian with one hand and taking a sip of her drink with another. “Different countries, but I suppose the principle is the same. Also, I was a barmaid before we were popstars, love,” she reminds me.

    “Hey, me too!” Christian says with a smile. “Well, bartender. You know, before football.”

    “Quick, Perrie, what do we have in common?” Mych says, joking.

    “D’ya like dogs?” I ask him.

    “Of course! Who doesn’t?” He asks with a smile.

    I point to Jesy.

    “Hey! It’s not that I don’t like dogs- it’s that I don’t like being sexually harassed by your giant pack of dogs every time I come round your house. The chubby one is so aggressive.”

    I can’t help but laugh loudly, the rest of the crew joining in soon after. Conversation continues to flow easily between the four of us throughout the night, until the dinner has long been cooked and eaten and the time for each fake couple to go their separate ways is near.

    “Ugh, I don’t wanna leave you,” Jesy whines at me. “No offense, Mych. You’re hot, but you’re not exactly my first choice on a night out.”

    “Trust me, I understand,” He says with a laugh, planting a kiss on his boyfriend’s cheek.

    “As much as I’d rather not, we should probably talk PDA,” Christian says.

    “You’re right,” I say, pulling Jesy closer.

    “How about we just don’t touch each other at all,” Jesy suggests with a very forced laugh. We all know it’s not an option, unfortunately. The lightheartedness we’d built at dinner is gone, the reality that we’re not just friends hanging out setting in.

    “You know boys, I think we could’ve been friends under different circumstances,” I say ruefully, if only to spur on the conversation Jes managed to stall with her little suggestion.

    “We still can be,” Mych says. “I mean, the thought of you laying a hand on my boyfriend has me seeing red, but I’ve had a great time tonight, so far. I just wish we could go out as… well, as ourselves.”

    I feel more than see Jesy bury her face in my shoulder, feel the hot, salty, and entirely unexpected tears on my skin.

    I look up quickly at the boys, clearly unsure what to do. My hand comes up to stroke Jesy’s hair on impulse. Mych pulls Christian away immediately, mumbling something about house keys. As soon as the boys are out of sight, I pull Jesy over to the counter and help her up onto it.

    “Baby,” I say, my own voice starting to wobble.

    “This is killing me, Pez. I cried on the way to Mychal’s. I cried at Mychal’s, in front of Mychal. I’m crying now. It’s really hard for me to be without you, turns out.”

    I just nod my head before leaning my forehead against hers, not trusting myself to speak at the moment.

    “I can’t wait til we’re home. I love touring, I love promo, but having to pretend like I’m not in love with you? I hate it.”

    “You’re in love with me?” I ask meekly, not really surprised but still extraordinarily happy.

    “Yeah,” Jesy says with a watery laugh. “You didn’t know? I try to tell you all the time.”

    “I just- I didn’t know if those I love yous were “you’re my best friend and I love you” I love yous or “I’m in love with you” I love yous,” I say.

    “For the record, they’re both,” she says with a grin.

    “I love you,” I tell her, returning her grin with one of my own, “In all the ways.”

    “Glad to hear it,” Jesy says goofily, and I can’t help but laugh at her. I glance at the oven clock over her shoulder, noticing that it’s a little past nine, and we really should be on our way.

    “Don’t leave,” Jesy begs, eyes boring into mine. “Please?”

    “Jes, please,” I say, my throat thick. _Please don’t make this harder than it is._

    “I’m sorry. I just really don’t want to let you go tonight,” She says, giving me another less than convincing smile.

    “I’ll be back here by 2am, and I don’t plan on letting you go after that, alright?” I ask, wishing more than anything that our little fake dates were already over.

    “Promise?” She asks. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Jes like this before- so, well, _needy_. Not that I’m complaining.

    “Promise,” I say, holding my pinky up. She laughs and shakes her head, but curls her pinky around mine anyway. “Now, we really do need to have a PDA talk with the boys before we head out. Can you do this?”

    “Course I can,” she says with a smile I almost believe.

    “Well then,” I say, giving her a kiss. “Let’s go.”

    We quickly decide on the rules for tonight: lots of dancing, two cheek kisses, a bit of hand holding, and one chaste but believable kiss in view of as many paps as possible- before agreeing to leave our respective clubs at 1 and 1:30am. Since Jesy and Mych are going out later, they have to stay out later. Neither of them looks happy about it, but they agree nonetheless.

    Christian and I exchange hugs and quick kisses with our actual S.O.’s before making our way out to the car. Just as we reach the front door, I remember.

    “Wait, Jes?”

    “Yes, babe?” She calls, running until she’s just in view of the door.

    “Don’t forget to post on insta at least twice. Everyone knows you love a story. It needs to be believable,” I say, unable to keep a frown from forming at the edges of my mouth.

    “Thanks for the reminder, babe. Now, go on,” she says, shooing me away with her hand.

    I turn back toward the door before turning around again.

    “Jes?”

    “Yes, babe?”

    “I love you.”

    “Love you too,” she says, smiling.

    And then we’re off.

    

    Of all the fake boyfriends I could’ve been paired with, Christian’s probably the best I could hope for. He’s easy to talk to, we get along great, and most importantly, he doesn’t mind me gushing about my girlfriend while we’re on dates. We’ve been dancing three songs by the 6th time I’ve casually mentioned Jesy. He should be annoyed, really, but he just smiles.

    “How long have y’all been together again? ‘Cause it seems to me like you’re still in the honeymoon stage,” he says with a laugh.

    “Not long,” I tell him, “But I hope this feeling never ends. We’ve been friends for 7 or so years, so you think I’d be less enamored with absolutely everything she does, but I just think everything about her is wonderful, really.”

    He just laughs. “That’s awesome, Perrie. Really, I’m super happy for you. Mych and I have been together about a year and a half, and I could probably stand to moon over him a little bit more than I do. I’m not quite as romantic as you are.”

    “A year and a half?” I ask, a bit shocked. “How’ve you managed that, having to hide and all?”

    “I’m not going to lie- it sucks, and it’s far from easy. Mych was ready to spill the beans to the world pretty much the second we got together. I think it’s harder for him, ‘cause all his family and friends already knew about him. I wasn’t in the same boat yet, and I begged him to give me a little bit more time. I kind of wish I’d let him tell everyone now, though. Because I wanted to wait, management caught wind, and now, here we are, still having to hide a year and a half later.”

    “It’s been really hard on me, but I think it’s been harder on Jes,” I admit. “She’s never been good at hiding what she feels. She’s always honest to a fault- it’s one of the things I love about her. One of the things we all love about her, really. I know she feels like she’s lying to everyone, and as someone who advocates for being unapologetically yourself, it’s really taking a toll on her, I think.”

    “Has she had a lot of public relationships before?”

    “Eh, a couple. Jes and I have both had failed engagements to pretty high-profile boys back in the UK, but the public have suspected something’s going on between me and one of the other girls for a while,” I tell him.

    “You do kinda give that vibe,” He tells me.

    “Eh, “that vibe?” What “vibe?’” I ask, genuinely confused.

     “Well, I’ll admit, I didn’t really know who you were before we met that first time, but I watched this video of you and Jes and your other bandmates and you seemed very...close to all of them.”

    “I still don’t know what you’re trying to say here, Chris,” I say, though I think I do.

    “Well, you give the Bi vibe. Very straight girl, but also very confusing,” He says.

    “Straight and confusing? That’s the Bi vibe?” I ask with a laugh.

    “Well, when you put it like that, I sound crazy,” He says, laughing. “I don’t know how to explain it. You just, like, right away. You give the vibe. Unlike your girl, who gives very straight vibes when you first meet her.”

    “Jesy does _not_ give the straight vibe,” I insist. “She flirts with everyone.”

    “Exactly!” Christian says. “But you get the feeling that’s just her personality. That she’s flirty by nature.”

    “She is,” I say.

    “Yeah, and it hides her Bi-ness.”

    “There’s far too much guesswork involved in this “vibe” stuff,” I say.

    “Yeah, I suppose. Don’t you wonder about people though?” He asks.

    “I don’t really care, I don’t think,” I say honestly. “There’s so much more to a person, you know?”

    “Yeah, you’re right. But what about people you’re trying to date? You’ve never agonized for hours wondering if they could possibly be into you?”

    “Well, of course I have! I guess I’ve just assumed that they all _could_ be, but maybe they weren’t,” I tell him.

    “You are hot enough that I have at least two gay friends that would go straight for you,”  He says far too seriously. I can’t help but laugh.

    “Thank you, Christian.”

    “So,” He says with a clap of his hands. “ It’s 10:36. What do we do for the next two’n a half hours?”

 

    Turns out we do a lot of dancing, a fair amount of drinking, a bit of eating, a couple songs worth of karaoke, and then talk a little walk and share a short kiss to end our night.

    The kiss isn’t as bad as I’d imagined, but I still have that terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach.

    “It’s not cheating,” Chris says once we’re in the limo.

    “Feels like it,” I say with a sad smile, leaning my head against the very tinted window.

     “If it makes you feel any better, Mych says he and Jesy are leaving in 10. Also, he said to tell you that he’s got Jesy’s phone because she didn’t have any place for it in her outfit.”

    “I mean, management did put her in a leather skirt that doesn’t cover her arse and just a bra, so that’s understandable,” I say dryly.

    “I assumed you two hadn’t picked your own outfits, but I didn’t want to offend you if you had.”

    “We like to show skin, but we usually like to pick which skin. I’d bet they haven’t left us anything else to wear, either. We weren’t allowed to pack our own bags. They really want their walk of shame shots, I’d bet.”

     “Well, you and Jesy are tiny, but you’re welcome to anything you can find in my closet. I’ve got lots of sweats and stuff,” Chris says with a smile.

     “Thanks, Christian. I appreciate it.”

    “Oh, it’s no problem-”

    “No, really. You don’t have to be such a nice guy, letting all of us crash at your place, invade your kitchen, essentially camp out in your house for a couple days. It’s a lot to take on. So, thanks.”

     “It’s a pretty easy job when it comes to y’all. You know I’d do anything for Mychal, and you and Jesy are growing on me, so. No big deal. Really.”

     “Mr. McCaffrey, will we be heading back to your house?” The driver asks.

    “Yessir,” He says politely. “Did my manager send you the address?”

    “Someone’s manager did. Harry something or other,”

    “Ah, it was my manager. How kind of him,” I say with a tight lipped smile.

    I think the driver picks up on my all too obvious disdain, but all he says is, “Yes. Off we go.”

    We make it back to Christian’s in half the time it took us to get to the club. It’s nice not to have to worry about traffic since it’s so late.

    Once we’re back, Christian and I chat about our interests in the kitchen while we wait for Jesy and Mych. When we’re still waiting after 20 or so minutes, I mix us some drinks while Christian sets off to find some clothes for Jesy and I.

   He bounds down the stairs just as I’ve begun to pour the drinks.

    “Okay, I’ve got a couple pairs of sweatpants that probably won’t fit either of you, and a couple oversized T-shirts. Well, they’re not that oversized on me, but they’ll probably be long enough that you won’t need pants.”

    “Who says we’ll need any clothes at all?”Jes says from behind me.

    “You’re here!” I say, turning around and running into her arms.

    She pulls me closer, nuzzling her nose into my hair. “Yeah, we’re finally back. Had an interesting ride home, didn’t we Mychie?”

    Mych just laughs, giving his boyfriend a quick peck. “We did. Our driver lectured us on the perils of premarital sex for a good 20 minutes. So, Jesy promised him we wouldn’t have sex tonight.”

    “I promised him we wouldn’t have sex with each other tonight,” she says laughing.

    “How clever,” Christian says, pretending not to be as amused as he is. “Here are your clothes tonight, should you need them. You guys will be in the East Wing, where the guest suite is. Mych and I will be in the West. If you need anything, there’s an intercom system. _Please_ don’t wake me before 9am,” Christian says.

    “Trust me, there’s no danger of that,” I say with a laugh.

    “You’ll be lucky to get this one out by eleven. She sleeps like the dead,” Jesy says, wrapping an arm around me.

    I just laugh.

    “You’re not gonna defend yourself, Perrie?” Mych asks.

    “No use. She’s right,” I shrug.

    The boys laugh.

    “Well, goodnight,” Christian says. “See you in the morning.”

    “Wait!” I say, before Christian can even turn around. “Have you got tea? For the morning?”

    “Umm, I’m not sure?” He says, scratching his head. “I’ve got coffee.”

    “I’ll drink dishwater before I drink coffee,” Jesy says, shuddering.

    “Gross,” Mychal says with a shudder before going to look in the pantry. “Umm, looks like he’s got a box of something? Earl Grey?”

    “Eh, not my favorite, but it’ll do,” I say. “Okay then, see you boys in the morning!” I say, grabbing Jesy’s hand and dragging her off to out room. I hear the boys laugh behind us.

 

    We don’t put on the clothes Christian gave us until breakfast. Well, until right before breakfast, when Jesy gets a snap from Leigh of her and Jade in bed together, watching the E! News coverage of our fake dates last night and laughing in the background. So, we throw on the long sleeve T-shirts Christian lent us and snap a pic back, which causes Leigh to call immediately and ask how it is Jesy and I ended up in the same bed this morning. Jes explains the situation, and then we head down to the kitchen. It’s about 10am, but there’s no sign of Christian or Mychal. I get started on some french toast while Jesy boils some water for tea, after going on for 5 ½ minutes on how ridiculous it is that Christian doesn’t have a kettle.

    By the time the boys do arrive, I’m up on the counter with my legs wrapped tightly around Jesy’s middle, hands buried in her hair.

    “Umm, good morning?” Christian says loudly.  Mych just laughs.

    I hit my head on the light fixture in my haste to get down from the counter.

    “Shite,” I say, rubbing my head.

    “You okay, babe?” Jesy says, equal parts amused and concerned.

    “I’ll be better once I’ve had me tea,” I say honestly. Jes just laughs, before going to grab the milk from the fridge, and the tea bags and sugar from the pantry.

    “Oh, no,” I hear her say lowly.

    “What is it?” asks Christian seriously, clearly expecting some sort of tragedy.

    “You’ve only got one bag of tea left.”

    “One bag?” I ask.

    “Guess you’re gonna have to fight for it,” Christian says far too seriously.

    “Or they could share,” Mychal says with a laugh.

    “I don’t share my tea,” Jes and I say in unison, before we all crack up.

    “Don’t put too much sugar in, okay?” She asks me.

    “Then you don’t put too much milk in, alright?” I ask in answer.

    “Deal,” she says, before dumping what is, by my standards, far too much milk into the tea. In answer, I put in two whole teaspoons of sugar.

    “Pez,” Jesy groans, but takes the first sip of tea anyway. “It’s too sweet.”

    I take a sip. “Yeah, and too milky. But at least it’s not coffee.”

    She just nods her head and raises the mug in salute before taking another sip of tea.

    “What’s for breakfast?” Christian asks.

    “French toast,” I say, abandoning our tea to dunk some thick slices of bread into the egg wash. “That alright?”

    “It’s perfect,” Christian says.

    The conversation lulls a minute, the boys clearly knowing they’ve walked in on something. Jes doesn’t let the lull last long, though.

    “Now, Christian, tell me something. How do you, a well-off, grown-ass man, not have a kettle?”

    “I don’t drink tea. And when my sister comes around, she just puts a mug full of water in the microwave.”

     Jes and I look at each other, deeply disturbed by Christian’s revelation, and just shake our heads. The boys laugh, but make an effort to stop once they see how serious we are.

    “I don’t think I could live in America,” I say. “Tea in the microwave. Ugh.”

     The boys start off on their laughter again before Christian starts rummaging through the fridge.

    “Do y’all like whipped cream on your french toast?”

 

  

    I finish making breakfast quickly, with Mychal’s help. Jes and Christian set off in search of something downstairs, eventually coming back with a huge bottle of champagne.

    “No mimosas,” Mych says immediately, shaking his head.

    “I agree,” I say quickly. “Alcohol is not a breakfast food.”

     The way Jesy and Christian’s faces fall is comical.

    “You just have to ruin the fun, eh?” Jes says grumpily.

    “Thank the Lord they didn’t put you two together. We’d be at an AA meeting by now,” Mychal says, pointing at Jes and Christian.

    “You’re not kidding,” I say, shaking my head. “How about we do mimosas, hold the champagne?”

    “That’s just orange juice,” Christian says.

    “Exactly,” I say.

    Jesy and Chris shake their heads, but Christian slips the champagne into the freezer.

    Breakfast goes well, much like dinner did the night before, and before we know it, it’s nearly noon and the time has come for us to depart.

    Christian offers to drive us home in his ridiculously fast car, and Jesy agrees immediately. Mych rolls his eyes with a smile, but says nothing, just following behind me to the garage.

    Jesy forgoes shotgun for me, mostly because she absolutely has to if we’re going to keep up this little fake-dating charade, and she seems less than thrilled about it.

    “You’re not gonna pull the carsick card on me?” I tease.

    “Oh, piss off,” she says with a laugh.

    Soon enough, we’re back at the hotel, where a sea of paps waits for us.

    “Damn,” Mychal says. “I had no idea you guys were _this_ popular.”

    “We weren’t. Aren’t. Not here in the states, anyway. Something's up,” Jesy says.

    “We’re gonna have to give them something,” Christian says, scratching his head. It’s his nervous tic, I think.

    “Shit, you’re right,” Jes says, biting her lip. “Are yous ready to put on a show?”

    And put on a show we do. Jes and Mychal exit the car first, Jes wrapped around Mychal’s arm. I don’t want to watch him kiss her, but it’s as if it’s impossible for me to avert my eyes. No matter how much I want to look away, I can’t. They hold hands until Mychal’s walked too far away from Jes, and Jes gives Mych a little wink as he comes back to the car.

    “I’m gonna be sick,” I tell Christian.

    “Can you wait two minutes?” He asks with a sad smile.

    We give a show similar to Jesy and Mychal’s, though I’m sure it’s not nearly as convincing, and I rush into the hotel as quickly as I can.

    “Woah, careful there, babe,” Jesy says, straightening up from where she leans on the wall next to the stairwell. “Elevator?”

    I wonder why she’s asking, because _duh, elevator, why would anyone take the stairs up that many floors_? but everything makes a bit more sense when she pins me up against the wall as soon as the doors slide shut.

    I respond fervently, throwing my arms around her waist and yanking her roughly toward me.

    “Cameras?” I mumble.

    “Corner. Out of order,” She says between kisses.

    I quickly spin, reversing our positions so that Jes is pushed up against the wall. I’ve got both my hands on her bum when the elevator suddenly dings, and the doors slide open. We’ve barely got time to spring apart before I lock eyes with one of the people waiting to enter the elevator.

    “We was wondering when you’d get home,” Jade says in place of greeting. I look at her guiltily.

    “You couldn’t wait until you got off the elevator, ey Jes?” I hear Leigh ask.

    “Aw, shut up,” Jes says, before wrapping Leigh in a hug, and then Jade.

    “Where were you going?” I ask.

    “To the car. We leave in 20. Yous are already all packed. _Modest!_ made sure of that,” Jade says. “Ready to go?”

    I hear Jesy groan behind me. “Well, I guess.”

    “You can get yours at the next hotel, Jes. Calm down,” Jade says, bored.

    “It’s a 4 hour plane ride,” She whines.

    “Yeah, well, my boyfriend is on another continent right now, so I don’t feel that bad for ya,” Jade says dismissively. “Whose clothes are you wearing?”

    “My fake boyfriend’s,” I tell her. “We looked like strippers last night.”

    “Yeah, we know. We saw the pics,” Leigh says. “You looked hot, though.”

    “Thanks, Leigh Leigh,” I say, backing my way into the elevator that keeps dinging because I’m standing in the way of the door. I grab Jesy’s hand again once we’re all back in the elevator and the doors are closed.

    Back to pretending like we can barely stand to look at each other in 17 floors, 16 floors, 15, 14, 13-

    “-ames Corden tonight?”

    “Sorry Jade, what was that?” I say.

    “I asked if yous had gotten the email about our performance on James Corden tonight?” She repeats.

    “Haven’t checked,” Jes and I say at the same time.

    “‘Course you haven’t,” She says, rolling her eyes. “Well, there was a cancellation. So they’ve added a little skit, and James wants to interview us directly after the performance as well, so our call time has been bumped up an hour. Hence, why we’re leaving now.”

    “Ohh, we’re getting some time to talk, eh? Was this James idea?” Jesy asks.

    “I think so, yeah. _Modest!_ Wouldn’t’ve pushed for it, I don’t think.”

    “Definitely not,” Jes says. “It’s like they’re determined that we not crack America or something.”

    “Imagine that,” I say, studying my nails.

     _Ding._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, well. I've had this chapter done for like a week but never really got around to editing it. So, here it is for you: kinda edited.  
> I know this chapter was a bit of a filler, but I needed to give y'all and chance to catch your breath before the next BANGER of a chapter. Well, I'm setting it up to be a banger. I've had too much school to do to actually write it yet😬  
> Are y'all liking the story so far? Do you like how it's progressing? Do you hate how it's progressing? Do you have strong (or not so strong) feelings about it? Let me know!!  
> Tumblr @ 16sydd16  
> Eventually, I'll just comment my Tumblr. I don't think anyone actually reads these A/N's anyway. Heck, I barely read them.  
> Just wanted to quickly let y'all know how thankful I am for everyone who reads this story, and how amazing it feels when one of you reaches out! Thanks! and have a splendid week!!  
> Also: I have a playlist that I've been listening to pretty much the whole time I've written this. Would you guys be interested in me posting it somewhere? Or even in me posting a Pesy Vibes playlist?? If so, great! If not, that's cool. Anyway, see y'all in the next one!!


	12. (can't) hide in crowded rooms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was inevitable, wasn't it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all!   
> After quite the wait, here's the next chapter of only you! I'm also posting a little one-shot as an apology for the long wait, so look out for that.   
> Enjoy!!  
> xx

    “Shit, fu-”

    “Careful, Pezza! We’ll be on live TV in an hour,” Jesy chides gently.

    “Sorry,” I grumble, though I don’t really mean it. 

    “What’s the matter, babe?” Jes asks, wrapping an arm around me. The gesture is strictly friendly, but my breath hitches anyway and I start mentally calculating how many hours until I can be alone with Jes again. I’m bad at math, and it’s never been more frustrating than it is in this moment. After our little plane ride, during which I alternated between creepily staring at Jesy napping across the aisle and watching Jade play sudoku next to me for 4 whole hours, we were rushed off of the plane and into a limo. We arrived at the studio shortly after, where we were quickly- or well, as quickly as we can be- put in full glam and given these little robes for our skit with James. We were given a few lines to rehearse before we shot our scene. When we finished shooting, we had a little chat with James and thanked him for having us, dropping some not so subtle hints that we’d love to do carpool karaoke. After our little chat, we were whisked away to the stage to start preparing for our performance, which is where we’ve been for the last 3 hours. 3 whole hours, and I still can’t do the fu-

    “Pez?” Jesy asks again, this time more quietly, breaking me out of my inner monologue. “What’s wrong, love?”

    “I can’t get the stupid move,” I say, throwing my hands up. Jes pulls me into a hug, which I return tightly. 

    “Just a few more hours, babe. Then we’ve got three days off. You can do it,” She whispers to me, knowing this is about much more than the move, before backing away a bit. “Do you want my help with the move?”

    “Please,” I say with a tight smile. 

    Jes spends the next few minutes watching me attempt the move, just trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong. 

    “You’ve gotta dip your hips down a bit more,” She tells me, before demonstrating the move perfectly. “Like this.”

    I try the move again, but I still can’t quite get it. 

    “Try it again, babe. You’re still moving from the knees. Think hips,” she says, as if I haven’t been trying to fix my hips for the last 10 minutes. 

    “I don’t know what you mean,” I say frustratedly, throwing my hands in the air. Jes puts her hand on my arm, but I shrug her off. I can see the hurt flash in her eyes, and instantly I feel bad. “Sorry. I’m just frustrated,” I say lamely. 

    “It’s fine,” Jes says quickly, but I can see she’s still a little aggravated. “I’ll just show you, okay? From the start of the dance break, ” She says, taking her place behind me. Before I really have time to appreciate what’s happening, she grabs my hips and starts counting. 

    “5, 6, 7, 8-”

    We make it through the first three quarters of the choreography flawlessly, but we’re quickly approaching the move I keep messing up. I feel Jesy’s grip on my hips tighten. 

    “Dip.”

    I try to do as she says, but her hands on my hips and her voice in my ear are too much for me. I bumble through the rest of the choreo, trying to think about something besides Jesy’s hands on me. 

    “That was a bit better, babe,” She says once we quit dancing, making no move to remove her hands. “Again.”

    Her wish is my command. 

    We go through the sequence 4 more times, until I finally get the move. Jesy squeezes my hips so tight that I know I’ll have little marks from her nails. Combine that with the feeling of her hot breath on my neck, and I’m quite proud of myself for not just collapsing right there on the stage. 

     Or, you know, tearing her clothes off. 

    “Got it now, Perrie?” She asks. 

    “Uh huh,” I say breathily. Between Jesy and the dance moves, I’m surprised I can breathe at all. 

    “Well done,” She whispers in my ear, pressing a kiss to my neck before walking away like nothing happened. 

     I just stand there like an idiot until she throws me a little wink over her shoulder. I want to chase after her, pin her up against the nearest wall and kiss her silly, but some part of my rational brain must still be functioning, because instead of doing any of that I calmly walk off stage and down the hall to our dressing room. 

    Before I can make my way to Jes, Leigh intercepts me with a question about the performance, which somehow turns in to the four of us sitting on the couch and having a little chinwag with the dancers. They’re ordered to leave soon after, tucked away in their own dressing room until they’re needed for the performance in about an hour. When it’s just the four of us, I leave my position next to Leigh on the couch and snuggle into Jes. She traces a hand up and down my back, which leads to my being a strange but not unpleasant mix of turned on and sleepy. Since I can’t act on the former feeling, I lean into the latter, and manage to doze off for a bit. 

    “Pez, babe, time to wake up,” Jes whispers in my ear a short while later. 

    “Mmh,” I groan, snuggling a into her a little deeper. 

    “Oi, Pezza, get up!” Leigh yells.

    “Ow, Leigh, right in my ear!” I gripe back. 

    “Aw, you’ll get over it,” She says with a wave of her hand, settling back into her spot on the couch. 

    “We’re on in 15, Pez. You’ve gotta look alive,” Jade says.

    “Wow, thanks for waking me up with just enough time to get nervous,” I say sarcastically. 

    “There’s nothing to be nervous about, babe,” Jes says, still stroking my back. 

    Bless her. 

    “Easy for you to say. You didn’t spend three and a half hours missing the same dance move over and over again today.”

    “Do you want to practice again?” She asks genuinely. 

    “I don’t need to watch you lot “practice” anymore,” Leigh says. “I was worried we were gonna have to pull you two off of one another for a minute there.”

    “Oh, come off it. We were not that bad,” Jesy says with a laugh. 

    “You were,” Leigh insists, but she’s laughing too. 

    There’s a knock at the door. 

    “Girls, if you could come with me, please?” Asks a man with a hat.

    “Alright, let’s go then,” Jade says, looking a little green. She gets the most nervous of the four of us, poor thing. I can see her measuring her breathing and doing her little nerve technique from here.

    We follow the hat-clad man to the side of the stage. We watch James monologue, and then we’re hearing him introduce us and being ushered onto the stage. 

    The performance goes unbelievably well, even the bits I was nervous about, and it takes nearly 5 minutes to get the crowd calmed down enough for us to talk to James, who ushers us over to the couch. 

    “Girls, that was amazing! Wasn’t it amazing?” He asks the crowd, who roars in response. “Now, tell me- what’s it like being back in America?”

    “Aw, it’s amazing! We love it, don’t we girls?” Leigh asks. “Although, I do have to tell you, it’s quite nice to hear a familiar accent.”

    “Isn’t it? Speaking with you four almost has me feeling like I’m back home!” He says fondly. “Now, that new single is phenomenal! Let me ask you, how do you pick the singles? Cos the whole album is incredible, if I do say so myself.”

    “Aww, thank you, James. That’s very nice. Yeah, we don’t like album fillers really, so we try and have a whole album full of songs that could be singles. As far as picking this one-” Jade continues. We talk about the single a bit, then the album, and onto tour. 

    “Tell me, girls, would you ever do an American tour?” James asks.

    “We would love to!” Jesy says. “It’s just about getting the timing right, and really, if they’ll have us.”

    “Oh, they’ll have you. They love you. Don’t you love them?” He asks the crowd, who cheers enthusiastically. “Now, girls, I know you’re probably sick of these types of questions, but since you’re here now and the Struts will be here next week,” he says, winking exaggeratedly at Jade, which earns him a laugh, “how are the Little Mix girls handling being away from the UK for so long?”

    “Not well,” Leigh Anne says with a laugh. 

   “We all miss our families and our boys quite a bit when we’re away, but luckily, they’re pretty understanding. Being away from home kind of comes with the territory of being in Little Mix, which we knew in the beginning, but I don’t think we realized exactly how much we’d be away,” Jade says.

     “I miss me mam,” I admit. 

     “Least you don’t have to miss your love too, eh. I’ve seen Jed once in the last 4 months.” Jade reminds me. 

    “Yeah, and being with you and Jes constantly just makes me miss Andre more. When I see yous, I get happy for you but sad for me.” Leigh says, not seeming to realize what she’s just said. 

    Jade manages to save it, though. “Yeah, these got the chance to hang out with their boyfs last night, and Leigh and I were proper jealous,” she says with a believable laugh. 

    I laugh too, but my laugh is a little less believable. 

    “Ah, yes, the footballers! Well, american footballers. Bit of a difference, but whatever. A sportsman's a sportsman,” James says with a shrug, stroking his dad-belly. “They’re all the same.”

    The audience can’t help but laugh. Thankfully, we move away from talk of boys and onto our relationship as bandmates. We gush about each other for a minute or two before James cuts in. 

    “Alright, alright, we know you love each other. What I wanna know is, what bad habits have you got? What annoys you about one another?”

    “Oh, they’ve all got many,” Jes says with a laugh. “Leigh-”

    “Don’t even! I know what you’re gonna say mine is, but I have got better, actually. I have got better.” She insists, pointing at Jes. “She’s gonna say that I’m a little bit diva, and that I’m loud, and that I’m dramatic. Oh, and that I never know when to knock!

    “You have got better at being less diva, but not anything else, babes,” Jes says with a laugh. 

    “She never knocks,” Jade says, shaking her head. 

    “Okay, that’s not true-”

    “You walked in on me facetiming my boyfriend this morning, without knocking and wearing no pants. Gave Jed and I an eyeful, you did.”

    “Oh, you’re right, I forgot about this morning. But, the last time I walked in on Pez and Jes, I did knock! They just couldn’t hear me from the shower.”

    Everyone but Leigh seems to have realized what she’s said. But, Leigh just keeps going on. “And I’m not as loud as I used to be-”

    “I still can’t hear properly out of my right ear from when you yelled in it. A  _ half hour  _ ago,” I deadpan, hoping against hope that we can get finish this little chat and get out of here without Leigh leaking any more info about me and Jes.

    “Wow, Leigh Anne, I feel like I know so much about you now,” James says with a laugh. 

    “Trust me, these all have their flaws as well. Like not locking the door when they’re going at it,” Leigh says, looking pointedly at Jes and I. She must see the stricken looks on our faces, and finally realize what she’s all but hinted at.  

    “Eh, don’t make me tell them what happened last time I stayed round yours, Leigh,” Jade says, trying her best to steer Leigh away from talking about Jes and I. 

    “Jade, you promised you’d never tell a soul!” Leigh says with a forced laugh. 

    “Alright, then. Guess I’ll keep my mouth shut. But you better keep yours closed too, eh?” Jade says with a stilted laugh. 

    James wraps up the interview not soon after, clearly sensing that something is amiss, but thankfully not pressing. 

    As soon as we’ve been notified the camera has cut to commercial, Leigh starts to cry. 

    “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to say anything, I just forgot for a second, and-”

    “It’s alright, Leigh-Leigh,” I say, grasping Jesy’s hand that’s hidden behind Jade’s back. “Everyone makes mistakes.”

    “I know, I just- I don’t know how I could’ve been so stupid-”

    “Don’t cry, babe. We’ll get everything sorted out later, okay? Nothing we can do now,” Jes says softly, stroking Leigh’s hair. Leigh nods from where her head rests on Jesy’s shoulder and tries to get herself sorted out. 

    “Thank you again for having us, James,” Jade says, with what I think is meant to be a smile on her face. 

    “Anytime, girls. Are you alright?” He asks, though I feel he already knows the answer. 

    “Well. I mean, this isn’t how we planned tonight to go, but…” Jesy trails off. “I’m sorry that our team is probably going to give you hell. They really didn’t want this to come out.”

    “Want what to come out?” He asks. 

    “Us,” I say with a little laugh, noting the double entendre. 

    “Ah. I see,” He says with a wry smile. “Well, if you need anything, please let me know. We reach a pretty wide audience, and if some information about your label being… homophobic, or something like that, were to come out, we’d be happy to pick it up. I never liked Cowell anyway, the rat.” 

    “Thank you for the offer, James,” Jes says, giving his hand a squeeze. “Now, we better get off stage so-” 

    “Actually, would you stay, if you wouldn’t mind? I’d like the four of you to close the show with me.” 

    “We’d love to,” I say. 

    “Alright, follow me then. I’ll put you on your marks.”

    James arranges the four of us in a line quickly- Jade and Leigh on his left, Jes and I on his right- and before I can even really register what’s going on, we’re back on the air. 

    “Thank you all so much for tuning in tonight, and I want to give a special thanks to the ladies of Little Mix, who’ve kindly agreed to join me again tomorrow night for a special edition of the Late-Late show!” James says excitedly. 

    I look at Jes, knowing we’ve agreed to no such thing, but she doesn’t look shaken at all. A quick look across James at Leigh and Jade reveals a confused-looking Leigh, but Jade looks as cool and calm as Jes does. 

    James thanks a few more people before actually sending the show off for tonight, all of us waving at the camera. 

    Once the camera cuts, all four of us look at James, Jes and Jade’s confusion finally evident. 

    “What have you got planned, James?” Jesy asks. 

    “Well, it depends how tonight goes. Thought you lot my want a chance to explain yourselves, depending on how what Leigh Anne said goes down,” He says with a smile. “I’m quite fond of you girls, and I’m sick of people thinking they can treat young women like they’re nothing. My little girl loves you, and I want yous to be around long enough for her to really see what four strong women can do when they’re simply allowed to be who they are.”

    “Thank you, James,” Jesy says, squeezing his hand. “It means a lot.” 

    “No problem. Plus, it’s not like you’re not doing me a favor. I imagine Leigh Anne’s little revelation will go viral tonight, anyway, so it’s not like having you girls on will be anything but excellent for ratings,” He admits honestly. 

    We all let what he’s said sink in a bit, before we head back to our dressing room to collect our things and make our way back to the hotel. Leigh bursts into tears twice, and we’re all uncharacteristically quiet. We decide that the four of us will sleep in the same room tonight, but Jade pulls Leigh away for a bit so that Jes and I can have a talk. I’m not sure what we’re meant to talk about, but when I notice the tears in Jes’s eyes, I realize why Jade and Leigh left. 

    “Oh, babe,” I say, pulling her into my arms. She let’s out one loud sniffle before burying her head in my neck. We don’t say anything for a long while, just holding each other for a bit. 

    “Sorry,” Jesy finally mutters. “For being so emotional.”

    “I think you’ve earned it, babe. This is a lot to handle,” I say honestly. 

    “They why aren’t you crying?”

    “‘Cos I’m tough as nails.” 

    She laughs. “Pez, you are the softest cinnamon roll of a person I’ve ever met,” She says, planting a quick kiss on my cheek.

    “Umm, excuse me!” I say, mostly pretending to be offended. Mostly. 

    “I didn’t mean it in a bad way, babe. It’s one of the things I love the most about you. You’re just so sweet and happy and loving. Some of your best qualities, in my opinion.”

    “Thank you, baby,” I say, pressing a kiss to her forehead. 

    She squeezes me a bit tighter. “I love you.”

    “I love you too,” I say softly, holding her to me. 

    Eventually, we break apart, but neither of us goes very far. I can’t let go of her, even for a second. I always need Jesy, but now, I need her as my best friend more than anything. We keep our arms linked, hands, fingers. Leigh and Jade come back in pretty quickly after Jes and I say our I love yous, joining us on our bed. We watch Criminal Minds reruns at Jade’s request until I decide they’re too scary, and we watch something on the food network instead. 

    By the third dish that’s presented, I’m audibly moaning.  

    “Perrie, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t make sounds like that while we’re all in bed together, thanks,” Jade says flippantly. 

    “I don’t mind,” Jesy says, and I laugh. 

    “I love you three,” Leigh says, a content little smile on her face. “I just want to say once more how sorry I am for earlier, and for how it affects your relationship, and the band. I-”

    “It’s okay, Leigh-Leigh,” Jes says, reaching a hand over me to give Leigh’s arm a squeeze. “We’re not mad. We know you didn’t do it on purpose, that you’d never do anything to cause pain for any of us on purpose.”

    “Plus, with the way these to carry on, it was gonna come out at some point,” Jade says, wrapping her arms around Leigh from behind.

    “She’s right,” I say,  reaching the arm that's not clutching Jes forward to cuddle Leig h. “Sure, it may be a little sooner than we’d hoped, but we’ll get it all figured out. Everything happens for a reason, right?” 

    A little tear makes its way down Leigh’s cheek, but she nods her head in the affirmative. 

    We’ve all just started to relax a bit, coming down from the excitement tonight, when Jesy’s phone goes off. And then Jade’s. And Leigh’s. And mine. 

    I watch Jes take one look at the caller ID before silencing the call and shutting her phone off. 

    “Is that the best idea?” Jade asks, looking confusedly at her own buzzing phone. 

    “Eh, whatever it is, they can tell us tomorrow. I’m tired of being threatened. I just want some sleep,” Jes says, crawling back into bed. 

    “Alright,” Jade agrees, before silencing her own phone and turning it off. Leigh and I soon follow, adding our phones to the heap on the bedside table. 

    Soon enough, the TV’s playing softly in the background and Jade and Jes have already fallen asleep, keeping Leigh and I pinned between them. Not that either of us minds.

    “I really am sorry about today, Pezza.”

    “No worries, babe. Can’t undo it now anyway. Let’s just sleep, okay?” I say sweetly, yawning. 

   “Alright,” She says, snuggling in between me and Jade. 

    I wake up some time later to a banging on the door. I’d get up to get it, but I’m caught in the middle of a Little Mix cuddle. Jes has both arms wrapped around me from behind, her legs tucked behind mine, and Leigh’s asleep on my arm. Jade’s hand is knotted in mine. I don’t remember grabbing her hand, but I don’t intend to let go either.

    The knocking is only getting louder, and pretty soon, I feel Jes start to stir behind me. She gets up and out of bed before she’s even fully awake it seems, but she still plants a kiss on my cheek before she heads toward the door. I don’t bother pretending I’m asleep, but I also don’t make any move to let Jes know I’m awake. 

    I watch Jes until she turns the corner, and then hear her open the door. 

    “What do you want?” She asks. I hear a mumbled reply in a familiar tone that my sleep-addled brain can’t place. 

    “Do we have to do this now? It’s 5 in the bloody morning.”

    “Can’t wait.” The voice insists. 

    “Fine,” She says, her voice still low and scratchy from sleep. “Gimme just a minute.”

    Jes comes back into view for a moment, grabbing a sweatshirt and room-key from the desk near the TV, before she walks out of the room for good. 

    At this point, I’m not convinced that this isn’t some sort of dream. Where’s Jes going at this time, and with who? Who was that? What-”

    “Where’s Jes?” Jade suddenly says, awake.

    Guess this _ isn’t _ a dream, then.

    “She left,” I croak. 

    “Shit.” 

    “Jade?” I say accusingly, knowing there’s something she’s not telling me. 

    “Go back to sleep, Pez,” She says, removing her hand from mine. “I’ve got to catch her before she-”

    “Before she what’s? Jade, what’s going on?”

    “Stay with Leigh, Pezza. I’ll be back with Jes before the sun’s even properly up. I promise I’ll explain later,” Jade says, rushing out the door before I’ve got the chance to ask her anything else. I’m not sure she’s even got on shoes. 

    I want to chase after her, but if I follow too close, she’ll notice. I wait 30 seconds before I rouse Leigh.

    “Leigh, wake up!” I say, shaking her a little too quickly and a little too harshly to be friendly. Whatever, I’ll apologize later. 

    “Perrie?” She asks with a start. “What time is it? What’s going on? Where are the others?”

    “I don’t know. But we’ve gotta go, Leigh.” 

    I sound so desperate that she doesn’t ask any questions. She grabs the last remaining room key from the desk along with a hotel robe and then grabs my hand and lets me lead her out the door. 

    Jade’s long gone by the time we enter the hallway, not to mention Jes. We’re at least 20 floors up, so I doubt they took the stairs. I push the button to call the lift, but It’s at least a minute before one is available. As soon as the doors open, I badger the poor attendant with questions. 

    “Good Mor-”

    “Have you seen any British girls this morning? A cute little brunette that talks like me, or a gorgeous redhead that talks like ‘er?”

    “Jes and I do not speak the sa-”

    “Shut up, Leigh,” I bark, mentally adding that to the list of things I’ll have to apologize to her for after this morning. Poor thing is getting the worst of me, but I’m too worried about everything else to care.

    “So, have you seen them?” I ask frantically. 

    “Umm, I took a redhead down maybe 5, 10 minutes ago? She only said hello and thank you to me, but she didn’t sound like she was from here. Could’ve been English.”

    “Was she in a jumper and green fuzzy slidey-type slippers?”

    “Um, what’s a jumper?” He asks nervously.

    “Are you stu-”

    “Pez! It’s not his fault. Calm down,” Leigh says, a hand planted on my shoulder. “We’re looking for our friends, Jade and Jesy.”

    “I think the girl’s name was Jessica? That’s what the man called her, at least. And the other gi-”

    “Man?” Leigh asks, looking at me. I nod my head. I knew Jes left with a man, but I’m not sure of which one. It was hard to hear him, and I was still foggy from sleep. “Did she say his name?”

    “Yeah, but I already knew who he was. Mr. Cowell is always one of the rudest guests in the hotel. He calls for the experience manager the minute he arrives every single time. And He was on a tear with her, let me tell ya. She seemed to be firing back just fine, though.”

    “Okay, well, that’s definitely Jes and our asshole boss,” I tell the boy. 

    “He’s your boss? Wait, you’re… Little Mix?”

    “Well, half of it right now, but yeah. Hi, I’m Leigh, this is Perrie,” Leigh says slowly, as if she’s forgotten what we’re doing here. 

    “Did you see the other girl as well? Jade?” I ask him firmly. 

    “She ran to catch the elevator, made it just in time to squeeze in with the other two. Neither looked thrilled to see her, especially the man, but she pushed her way on in, grabbed the redhead’s hand, I think. They insisted the three of them take the elevator down alone, so that was the last I saw before the doors slid shut. So, I waited until it came back, did a quick transfer from the 20th to 18th floor, and then next I know I was talking to you guys and-”

    “And we appreciate your help, we really do, but is there anything else you can tell me? Like, where they were going, what floor they got off on, or anything??”

    “They had me key the buttons for both the elite lounge and the ground floor bar before they booted me from the elevator. The redheaded one said something about not wanting to leave the hotel. I’m not sure which one they went with, ultimately. Both are bound to be pretty dead by this time of night.” 

    “They require a key, you said?” Leigh asks

    “At this time of night, yeah. The Elite Lounge requires a code 24/7, but the bar is only coded between 3-10am.”

    “Well, can you get us into the lounge?” I ask abrasively. 

    “Uh, yeah, I think so. I presume you’re premiere guests?”

    “I don’t know?!” I snap. 

    “Ah, it’s fine. ‘M sure you are. Hop in,” He says quickly, motioning to the elevator. 

    We make it three whole floors before the power flicks out and the elevator screeches to a halt. 

    “You’ve gotta be bloody joking!” I scream, slamming my fist into the side of the elevator. 

    “Pez, stop it! You’re scaring the poor boy!” Leigh yells at me. “What’s your name, sweety?”

    “I, ah, I’m Jeremy. My friends call me Jem.”

    “Jem? That’s cute! I like Jem.”

    The lights flick on once again, albeit dimmer. The lift doesn’t move a bit, though. 

    “Jem,” I say, my tone much softer than it’s ever been toward him, “how long do these lift issues usually take, do you know?”

    “Erm, it depends on the issue. We had a little power failure, it appears, so I’d guess we’ll be in here at least another 15-20 minutes while the mechanics check out the elevator and make sure it’s safe to get us out. They have to check the safety mechanisms and see how well they engaged. Sometimes, they engage a little too well, and they have to re-track the elevators before they let us off. And that can take hours.”

    “Should’ve quit while you were ahead there, Jemmy,” Leigh mumbles. I could scream, but I settle for sitting in the corner and hiding my head between my knees instead. 

    They pull us from the elevator about 40 minutes later. Not as quickly as I hoped, but it could’ve been worse. By the time we finally reach the elite lounge, there’s no sign of either of the girls or Simon. We head to the bar next, where we find a tired looking Jade and Jesy sipping mimosas. Jesy’s is quite a bit clearer than Jade’s. I’m betting her juice to champagne ratio is about 1 to 1000. It’s going to be a long day, I fear. 

    “Where have you been?” I ask a bit angrily, sitting myself on Jesy’s lap and hugging her tight. I suppose my need for physical affection undercuts my angry attitude, but I have to feel her skin on mine. It’s been a stressful morning. 

    “Oh, babe,” She says in response, blowing her hair out of her face. “Where to start?”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, well, well. I know it cuts of kind off quickly, but I had to cut it somewhere, you know?   
> I kinda figured this would be the last chap, but there's still a couple more to come. I'm just not finished yet lol. Hope yous don't mind.   
> Are you all excited for the new single? I know I am. #SteadyAreYouReady  
> What do you think of the girls new youtube series (Eating in with Little Mix)? I'm loving it so far!   
> Hope you enjoyed the chap, and again, sorry for the long wait.   
> Come say hi on Tumblr @ 16sydd16   
> Have a great day!   
> Oh, and look for the one shot. It'll be up shortly:)  
> xx  
> Sydd


	13. only you (nobody else)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, here we are. The "grand" finale.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italicized dialogue is taken directly from this interview the girls did: https://metro.co.uk/2019/05/27/little-mixs-perrie-edwards-makes-shock-confession-drunk-kisses-jesy-nelson-9695416/ 
> 
> Check it out, esp if you're a Pesy stan. It'll add to the story, I promise. 
> 
> Enjoy
> 
> xx

Jade and Jes spend the next half hour or so explaining to Leigh and I everything that happened at their brief meeting with Simon this morning. I have a lot of questions, like why he came by in the middle of the night and why Jes tried to go alone, but Jesy is already so stressed out that I can’t bear to ask her any of them. I just sit on her lap, stroke her arm, and kiss her cheek, trying to get her to relax. I can feel how tight her jaw is, even with the nearly empty champagne glass in front of her. I call over to the bartender and ask for a vodka diet coke. Normally, I wouldn’t encourage day-drinking, but she needs it. She’s gotta loosen up if we’re supposed to do Corden again tonight. 

     “So after he got done yelling, what did he say?” Leigh asks, getting bored of hearing about what an ass Simon is. I mean, we already knew that. 

     “We’re coming out tonight,” Jesy says quietly. 

     “What?” I ask, grabbing her chin so that she’s facing me properly. “What do you mean? We haven’t even had a chance to talk about this!”

     “I know, I know,” Jesy says, angry tears streaking their way down her face. “He gave me an ultimatum.” 

     “What kind of ultimatum?” I ask. 

     Jade mumbles something, and Leigh sighs. 

     “What?” I ask, a little too loudly. 

     “Now or never,” Jade says, loud enough for me to hear this time. 

     A cross between a whimper and a groan is all I manage to get out. I want to say more, say  _ something _ , but I can already feel my stinging eyes. There’s only one other patron and the bartender, but I still don’t want to have a breakdown in the middle of a hotel bar at midmorning. 

     “Let’s go back to our room, yeah?” Jade suggests, already coming over to pull me up off of Jesy’s lap. “C’mon.” 

     I let Jade pull me up, and let Leigh help Jes. I don’t let go of Jesy’s hand, which leads to us all walking toward the lift, hand in hand, Jade leading us and Leigh making sure no one gets left behind. I know in my heart that these are the best friends I could ever ask for, and come to the realization that I don’t appreciate them enough. 

     “Jade,” I say quietly once we’re in the elevator. “Thank you.”

     She just squeezes my hand. “I’m sorry, Pez. I’m so sorry.” 

     “S’not your fault,” I mumble, lifting the hand that’s linked with Jesy’s to wipe the tears from my cheeks. She keeps it up once I try to put it down, and I just look at her, confused, until she presses a lingering kiss to the back of my hand. She gives me a watery smile, and I want nothing more than to wrap her in my arms and tell her everything is gonna be alright. 

     But, I can’t. I don’t know if everything is gonna be alright. So, I press a soft kiss to her lips instead. 

     “You taste salty,” I say once I pull away. 

     She gives me a small smile. “Sorry, babe.” 

     “Nothing to be sorry for, darling,” I say, squeezing her hand a little tighter. The lift dings before I can say anything else, and we set off for our room. 

     Leigh and Jade decide to grab their stuff and head into one of the other rooms for a bit so that Jes and I can have some time alone. 

     Once they’re gone, I order Jes back into bed, joining her once I’ve raided the mini bar. 

     “There’s no mixers,” is the first thing she says to me once I’ve climbed under the covers and sat myself up against the headboard. 

     “You’re from Essex, I didn’t think you’d need any,” I say with a bit of a laugh. 

     “Oh, shut up, northerner,” Jesy says with a laugh, snuggling into me. I quickly wrap the arm that’s closest to her around her shoulder, and busy myself with stroking her hair. She hums contendently, and I allow myself to enjoy this little moment of peace in a day that has so far been nothing but turbulent. 

     “If you keep doing that, I may fall asleep,” she mumbles, sounding like she’s already halfway there.

     “That’s alright,” I coo. “We can talk once you wake up. We’ve got time.”

     “Okay,” she says, gently laying an arm across my waist, sneaking her cold fingers under the hem of my shirt. I tense a little at the cold contact, but relax when she starts drawing lazy shapes on my skin, nuzzling her head into me. “Pez?”

     “Yes, baba?” I ask.

     “I love you.”

     “I love you too,” I whisper, tearing up again. I don’t bother to wipe the tears away this time. I just let them fall onto her hair, first slowly and then a little faster. 

     I manage to doze here and there over the next couple of hours, but don’t get in much substantial sleep. Jesy’s not much better, tossing and turning this way and that before finally giving up. 

     “Are you awake?” She asks me quietly.

     “Yeah,” I say, rubbing a hand across her back. She makes her way into a sitting position next to me, so close that she’s almost on top of me. 

     Not that I mind. 

     “We should really talk about tonight,” she says, pressing a kiss to my cheek. 

     “In just a minute,” I say, reaching for the little bottles of liquor on the nightstand and drinking half of the first one I pick up before handing it to Jesy. She throws the rest of it back, grimacing. 

     “Was that Malibu?” she asks.

     “Eh, it’s worked for us before,” I say, thinking how different our lives would be right now if it weren’t for that revelatory night of drinking. 

     “Suppose you’re right,” she says with a laugh. “Now, about tonight. I’m sorry, Pez. I know we didn’t plan to do it this way, and-” 

     “You know, it could be a lot worse,” I say, rubbing her arm. 

     “How do you mean?” She asks.

     “Well, we could be dead. We could be fired. We could be forbidden from seeing one another. We could b-”

     “Alright, point taken,” she says. 

     “Plus, we said we wouldn’t hide, right? It’s one of the rules. No denying when it comes out. You even had an asterisk,” I say with a laugh. 

     “Hey, I liked my asterisk,” she whines. 

     “I like your ass too,” I say with a shit-eating grin. 

     She snorts, but my stupid joke puts a smile on her face nonetheless. “You goof.”

     “Your goof,” I say with a smile. She presses a kiss to my nose, then knocks her head against the headboard with an  _ oh no. _

     “What’s wrong?” I ask. “Well, besides the obvious?”

     “We’ve become one of them couples,” she says with a groan, though there’s a huge smile on her face. “One of the sickeningly sweet mushy-gushy ones.”

     “I like being one of them couples,” I say, kissing her cheek. “It makes me happy.”

     “Makes me happy too,” she whispers, like it’s a secret. 

     I roll my eyes, but can’t wipe the smile from my face. 

     “We  _ have  _ become one of them couples! Poor Jade and Leigh,” I say.

     “Ah, they’ll get over it. Speaking of Jade and Leigh, where are they?” She asks. 

     “Their rooms. I’m supposed to text Jade now that we’re awake, actually-” I say, picking up my phone before Jes smacks it out of my hand. 

     I don’t even have time to ask her why she did it before her lips are on mine, rough and demanding. I’m all too happy to give in to her, responding to the kiss eagerly. 

     “We’re not awake yet,” she whispers, lips pressed against my ear, legs sliding over mine to straddle me. 

     “‘Kay,” I say dumbly. 

 

     We call for Leigh and Jade an hour or so later, after we’ve had a go in the bed, and again in the shower. I’ve always been sort of indifferent to shower sex, but it’s quickly becoming one of my favorite activities with Jesy. 

     The look Jade gives me when she and Leigh show up tells me she knows exactly why our  _ nap _ lasted 3 hours. 

     “My bathroom shares a wall with yours, I think,” she says, giving me a quick hug and a knowing smile. 

     “Sorry,” I say, even though I’m not really. 

     “It’s fine. I needed to go to the gym anyway, and your little romp gave me an incentive to get the hell out of my room.”

     I can’t help but laugh and cover my face, embarrassed. 

     “What are you laughing about?” Jes asks, smiling. 

     “Let’s just say that I didn’t expect Pez to be the louder of the two of you. Well done, Jesminda,” Jade says with a raise of the eyebrows. 

     Leigh screams once she realizes what we’re talking about, and I’m not much better, hiding my face in my hands. 

     “Why are you two always so comfortable with this?!” I ask, my voice all high and squeaky. 

     “Jade and I are just kindred spirits, I think,” Jesy says with a laugh. “Innit Jade?”

     “Oh, yes,” Jade says, taking on an Aussie accent. “Two peas in a pod, we are.”

     Jesy’s about to speak again when we hear a little glass  _ thunk  _ on the nightstand. I look to the source of the noise and see Leigh-Anne, cringing and covering her mouth. 

     “Ugh,” she says. “That vodka was warm.”

     “Are you alright?” Jade asks, looking a bit concerned that Leigh Anne is slamming warm vodka shots at 1pm. 

      “I cannot talk about Pez and Jesy’s sex life sober. It’s just not a thing I can do,” Leigh says, and I don’t blame her. I don’t want to talk about my sex life sober, either. 

     “Agreed,” I say, walking over to the table and popping open a small bottle of Jack before taking it down the hatch. 

     I come up sputtering a bit, and Leigh pats my back until I can breathe normally again. 

     “We need to catch up,” Jesy says to Jade. Jade seems to think about it a moment before nodding her head resolutely, marching in step with Jesy to the nightstand. They each pick up clear bottles, unscrew the tops, clink them, and take the shot. They’re so in sync that it’s sort of scary, but it makes sense. We’ve been in each other’s pockets for so long that we’ve acquired the ability to anticipate each other's movements. 

     “Okay, no more shots,” I say, attempting to be the responsible one. “We’ve got to be at James Corden by 7pm, and we all need to be sober.”

     “Show’s not until like midnight or something,” Jesy says, picking up another bottle. “We’ve got plenty of time to sober up.”

     I mull this over in my mind for a minute, and then decide to just go with it.

     “Alright,” I sigh, and I’m met with happy squeals and a quick peck on the cheek. 

     “Thanks, babe. Promise I’ll be ready by showtime tonight.”

     And Jesy  _ is _ ready, but I am not. 

     Suddenly, the magnitude of what we’re about to do has struck me and I’m spiraling, thinking of all the possible negative outcomes of this situation. I want to tell Jesy about my doubts, ‘cos we  promised we’d communicate, but there simply isn’t a good time to talk. 

     Before I know it we’re out on stage doing this sort of music-skit-thingy with an acapella group. James holds his own for a while, but we are the clear winners, if I do say so myself. There’s just nothing that can beat Little Mix as a four, plain and simple. 

     James congratulates us on our win before announcing the commercial break. 

     We make our way over to the couches. We’re the closing interview tonight, the big-ticket item. 

     I did a little lurking on social media while we were taking shots, and I know that the rumours about Jes and I have gotten absolutely crazy. Yeah, it’s true we’re together, but most of this drivel of how we came to be together isn’t. I’m happy that this is earning the band more exposure, I really am, but I can’t handle another of my precious relationships being ripped to shreds at every possible opportunity by the press. Zayn put me through a lot that I know Jesy would never, but there would still be so much speculation all the time. Could I handle that? Is it worth it? 

     Not to mention that this is my first relationship with another girl. Not only are Jesy and I coming out as being in a relationship, we’re coming out as being not straight. I’m hesitant to define myself to such a large group of people, but I know they’ll be calling for a label, and I don’t know if it’s better to pick one I’m not sure I’m comfortable with or let them decide what to call me themselves and just deal with the fallout. 

     I try to tell Jes as we’re settling into the couch next to one another about my nerves, and she tells me something that I think is meant to be reassuring, but really isn’t.  “It’ll all work out, Pezza. Plus, it’s now or never, right?”

     “Now or never,” I parrot, an undeniable sense of dread filling my stomach. I don’t like the sound of  _ now or never _ . I don’t want to be forced into outing myself like this. It’s not  _ fair.  _ This is not something I should have to trade as the price to fame. 

     I’m in a near full panic by the time we’re back from commercial, and if I don’t do something soon to quell it, I know I’ll have a panic attack. 

     Jes senses my nervousness and takes my hand in hers, but instead of calming me down, it pushes me over the edge. It’s all too much. The  _ implications _ of this hand-holding are too much, and I feel suffocated. If I weren’t so panicked I might notice how hurt Jesy is when I pull my hand away, but I’m too focused on myself. 

     James wastes no time getting to the meat of the conversation, which in a way is good because if I have to spend 5 more minutes on this couch I think I’ll explode. 

_ Just get it over with, _ I tell myself.  _ Then it’s done, and you can go backstage, and let all this out.  _

     “So girls, there has been a lot of speculation in recent weeks as to the…  _ nature  _ of your relationships with each other,” James says. 

     “There has, hasn’t there?” Jade says with a little laugh. I’m not looking at her, I can’t. My anxiety is mounting with every second we get closer to the big reveal, so it’s all I can do to just sit on the couch and not scream. “I think it’s because of the whole Spice Girls thing that came out a couple days ago.” 

_ Spit it out, Jade! I don’t want to talk about the bloody Spice Girls!  _

     “Yeah, I’d imagine the rumours might have something to do with that,” James says, before turning more fully to the audience. “For those of you that have been living under a rock or are just super  _ American _ , Mel B revealed this week that she and Geri Halliwell, Scary and Ginger spice, for those of you who need the clarification, hooked up at least once, if not more, while the two were still actively touring with the Spice Girls. Since then, speculation about relationships within other bands has hit an all-time high, and with how close the lovely ladies of Little Mix are, they’ve borne the brunt of most of these speculations. 

     “After their appearance on the show last night, the rumours got a bit out of control, so I asked the girls if they’d be willing to come back, set the record straight for us. 

     “So,” he says, turning to face us once again. “Girls, forgive my frankness, but I’m just going to ask you straight up. Has anything sexual ever happened between any of you?”

     “ _ Of course _ ,” I say quickly, before any of the other girls can get a word out. They all turn to look at me, confused, as Jes is the one who’s supposed to break the news. 

     I plow through it before I can think better of what I’m about to do. “ _ Of course there has. Me and Jes get together all the time when we’re drunk. _ ”

     It’s not exactly a lie, but it’s also not what we’ve rehearsed.

     Jesy looks at me, clearly a little surprised, but I can see that she trusts me. When I don’t go on, when I’ve frozen from my little admission because I desperately do not want to see the way Jesy looks at me changes when I say what I’m going to say next, she tries to help me out. She thinks I’m scared of what people will think, is trying to help me ease into it. She follows my statement with “ _ oh, that. The fans would love that, _ ” trying to encourage me even though I’m going way off-script, because she trusts that I’ll do what’s best for us. 

     I’m the worst. It’s just occurred to me, but I know it to be the truth, because of what I’m about to do, what I have already started doing.

     I can’t look Jesy in the eye when I say what I say next, so instead, I look at James. 

     “ _ It was funny, but we’re like sisters.  _ Just a bit of drunken fun, nothing major,” I say, with a laugh that sounds hollow even to my ears. 

     This clearly isn’t the direction anyone expected this to go, and now we’re all scrambling. Leigh rambles something about long hours and unfamiliar places and loneliness and “it’s all in good fun” before James thanks us for being there and the show ends. 

     “Perrie, What-” Jesy starts, looking such a striking combination of confused and helpless that it physically pains me to look at her. Little tears are already starting to track their way down her face. I know she can’t help them, because she’s biting the inside of her cheek like she does when she’s trying not to cry but still the tears fall, steady and unrelenting. 

     I don’t answer,  _ can’t  _ answer, just get up and walk quickly off the stage. I try not to look back, but I have to get a glance at the mess I’ve left. I turn and see Leigh blocking Jesy from view of the audience as Jade mumbles something to James. He nods, and then Jade joins Leigh where she’s huddled around Jesy. She shoots me an icy glare when she catches my eye, and I run off the stage, not looking back this time. 

     I start heaving once I’m back stage, sucking in huge breaths even though none of them seem to reach my lungs.

_ What will the fans think what will the audience think was it too obvious are we going to be outed is there even still a we what about little mix leigh will never forgive me jade will never forgive me jesy- jesy will forgive me has already forgiven me but I can’t accept it don’t deserve it can’t forgive myself what have I done I love jesy and I hurt her and she should hate me but she won’t and somehow that’s worse and how will this end I just want this to end I just want to go back to how it was yesterday but I did this I did this I did this to jesy poor jesy and now we have to live with it and what if I can’t live with it?  _

     My thoughts are running together, each one indistinguishable from the one that comes before and the one that will come after and the mere thought of anything I’ve done tonight is  _ too much _ so I just… try to get out as quickly as possible. I cannot afford to break down here. 

     I quickly gather my stuff from our joint dressing room and call a car, needing to get out of here as soon as possible. 

     I arrive at our hotel but rent a different room on a lower floor. I’d like to have my things, but I can’t go into the room Jesy and I were sharing. I don’t want to risk running into her. I know she’s mad and sad and a whole host of other things and that she’ll have 3,000 questions I don’t know the answer to and it’ll all be too much. 

     I head to the mini bar and drink everything I can find, falling into a fitful sleep once I’m so trashed I can hardly see straight. 

     I wake an undetermined amount of time later to an angry banging on my door. 

     “Perrie Louise Edwards, you open this door right now!” Jade says, voice low and angry. 

     I stay in my spot on the bed, silent and unmoving, wondering how she got my new room number. This hotel has like 30 floors. I wouldn’t put it past Jade to break down every door until she finds me, but she seems pretty confident that she’s knocking on  _ my _ door. 

     “I know you’re in there! You didn’t think to pay off the concierge, but guess who did? Now open up, we need to talk.”

     Welp, guess that answers that. 

     I slowly make my way to the door, unlocking it and stepping away. 

     Jade bursts in, looking at me angrily.

     “Perrie, what happened?”

     I say nothing, just staring back at her. 

     She grabs me by the shoulders when I don’t respond, squeezing tighter and tighter until I meet her gaze. 

     “Perrie-” She starts, stopping short when I burst into tears. She immediately takes me in her arms, holding me tight and making soft, soothing noises as I sob.  

     I can feel the tension in Jade’s shoulders as she comforts me, feel her current dislike of me in the way she pats at my back instead of rubbing it. 

     I try and pull myself together quickly, and manage to slow the flow of my tears, even though I’m still a little drunk and scared out of my mind.

     “Clearly, you’re in no state to talk about anything right now,” Jade says. “But I need to let you know that they’ve bumped the rest of the press tour. Little Mix is on leave indefinitely. We’re all going home. You ought to as well.” 

     “On leave? What does that mean? Are they-” I start, wondering if I’ve messed up more than I thought. 

     “They didn’t use the word “hiatus,” so I really think it’s just a break,” she says, assuaging my worries. 

     She pauses, and I can see her trying to work out whether she should say what she wants to. 

     “Just tell me, Jade,” I say flatly.

     “Jesy wants me to make sure you’re okay,” she says, like she’s mad about it. 

     “She does?” I ask, sounding so hopeful that I don’t blame Jade for nearly gagging. 

     “You don’t deserve it,” Jade says pointedly, “But yeah. So. Are you okay?”

_ Do I look okay?!  _ I want to scream at her, but I refrain. “No. But I did this to myself,” I say softly. “And to her, to Jes. I know you hate me right now, Jade, but keep an eye on her? Please? You don’t even have to tell me how she is, just make sure she’s- make sure…” I trail off. “Make sure she’s okay.”

     “She’s not gonna be okay, Pez. At least not right now, you know that,” Jade says with a sigh, raking a hand through her hair. “But I’ll look after her. We’ve already decided. Jes gets me in the divorce, and you get Leigh,” she says dryly, as if maybe at one time it was meant to be a joke, but it’s not funny anymore. 

     “I don’t deserve any of you,” I say lowly.

     “No, you don’t,” Jade says. “But it’s not about what you deserve. I don’t know why you’ve done what you’ve done, Perrie, but- but Jesy isn’t even mad at you. She’s so busy being sad and, for some reason,  _ worried  _ about you that she hasn’t got time to be anything else. I’m the angriest, and-” she stops abruptly, taking in a deep breath. “And I promised Jesy that I wouldn’t yell at you, so I’m going to leave now.”

     She starts towards the door, looking back over her shoulder to add one last thing. 

     “Jesy deserves someone in her life who keeps their promises. Goodbye, Perrie.” 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here we are. The end. I just want to say thanks to those of you who've stuck with the story all this time!! I honestly uploaded it out of pure selfishness because there is very little Pesy fic, and I wanted my ship to get some more attention lol:) I was hopeful that maybe 3 other people would read it, so the fact that yous are all still here is unbelievable, and I'm very grateful:)  
> I know I've left our girls a little sad, but I'm willing to think about a sequel if there's interest.  
> I'll be uploading a new Pesy story very very soon (today or tomorrow) that is already half-written and is filled with loads of cuteness. As it's already half-written, I'll be updating it weekly (yes, weekly!:) The plan right now is to upload on Fridays/Saturdays, depending on my week and real-life schedule. So look for that!!  
> I'll also be updating Ex (though probably not as regularly, sorry😅) and adding one shots to my pesy one-shot book here and there.  
> Special thanks to the people who hyped me up and reached out to me on Tumblr, or left comments!! Y'all literally made me so happy✨  
> Please comment and let me know your thoughts on this ending!  
> Have a great week, and I hope you've enjoyed my little story. I've so enjoyed writing it💜
> 
> xx
> 
> Sydd
> 
> Come yell at me on Tumblr: 16sydd16

**Author's Note:**

> No, Jesy, tequila is NOT an antidepressant. But, fun fact, it is the only alcohol that's not a depressant. The more you know, right?
> 
> If you want another chapter, maybe a bit of Leigh and Jade as well, let me know!  
> -xx-  
> Sydd
> 
> For more LM content, come chill with me on Tumblr at 16sydd16


End file.
